I am outgrowing myself. Maybe I am damned by Satan. I do not think GOD really wants me to know all the truth. Because he knows the more I reveal the truth about people behavior harder it gets for me to accept unreasonableness. And I know GOD does not want me to be in pain. The more I reveal the truth about humans, the more it hurries me to get rid off human like behaviors such a caring about others or giving priority to the other people. Realization of truth makes me self centered, selfish, and monster like. I am almost left with no options but get rid off human like behaviors because people love taking advantage of those feelings.
When I was younger I used to cry and ask GOD "Please God make me dumper so I can be like my peers." Talk about guys, gossip about others, and memorize all the songs that is played on the local radio. That point of my life I really wanted fit in. The more I tried to fit in the more I was pushed out.
I was not particularly excited with that life but wanted to be accepted. I was into something else. I wanted more out of my life. I wanted to get the best education with full scholarship. I wanted to see the land of free- AMERICA. I wanted it so bad that I would spend all my days at the local library to learn English.
All that took me a minute to achieve. The minute that lasted 4-5 years but here I am in the States and asking God the same question. This time I have added some other favors too. Not because I became greedier... unfortunately I understand more now.
- I found out most love poems, I used to hear, are as sweet as a great sex with somebody who yet to call.
- I found out the person you took in your life so wildly (why would anybody let a stranger to their life anyways) will be gone with same level of wildness.
- I found out piece of your heart can be thrown to a trash can as easily as you give it away.
- I found out a passion for life can easily be gone as your last breathe.
- I found out you cannot fallow your passion for life because there is other things you need to take care.
- I found out your life is as valuable as your bank account to some people.
- I found out you cannot play Hide & Seek at your romantic department because it leaves a scar in your heart that takes years to heal.
Now I am asking GOD - To give me what he thinks appropriate in my life not what I want out of life. He knows I will accept his decisions.
- Please GOD never leave me alone (You are the only one I truly trust and believe).
- To give me strength to disregard unpleasant memories.
- To give me strength to forgive people who tried to hurt me (professional or personal life).
- To put all that discipline in my life I used to have.
- To give me the wisdom I dreamt of.
- To give me strength that I can balance my life.
- To give me heart and mind so I can close my eye to injustice I see daily base.
- To show me light.
- GOD please do not let me to rip last piece of humanity in my soul.
Now I am wondering when I will look back several years from now what else I will ask GOD.
What do you ask GOD ?
13 comments:
WOW that was DEEP and BEAUTIFUL. I ask GOD to bring me contentment and peace of mind for myself. I have been struggling with "me" for years.
Words:
There are so many things makes me wonder about what if..
D:
I know how it feels to be in constant struggle with "me". The problem is there is nobody to blame but yourslef. Nobody to lean but yourself.
Black Goddess:
Like you I have accepted to become a better person even though it does not make me be a "Normal"
Echo:
Thanks for you advice. I also know once thing one person hurt me but millions stood by me.
Side Note: I think feelings are universal. Some of the things I have described is product of my feelings some of them I heard from people
Well...since I don't have a concept of god..I find it a little alien..however. I am also very understanding of the fact that people must have something to keep themselves functional....Humanity is oft weak in that manner.
Here is what I get from your post....you have focused mainly on the negatives..but you seem to forget that all people are basically good..but are distracted most often by their attachments... God can be such an attachment...as well..which creates unfortunate situations...
Since I have no concept of Satan either..I can only say...that if there is a god...which I have no concept of..but if there is such a being...And that being only desires to love...and this god does not want his creations to suffer...and this god is also omnipotent..and infinite..Then what we do on earth..is but a blink of an eye...for such a infinite creature.
So humanity must have the ability to redeem itself even if you live 70 years...and do only "bad" by what we are taught now about how god works. 70 years to something or someone that views you as a child the ENTIRE time...it is unreasonable to assume that this being would punish you or others for eternity...simply for what is in relative terms the time it takes for this being to take a breath.
A father does not punish his son for the rest of his life for throwing a tantrum in a store. He guides him to better behavior. Eternal punishment is not a solution to a momentary problem.
I'm just sayin'...so now moving on.
All things that that humans do....is humane...do you wish to no longer be human? The only option is death. Depending on your point of view, this may or may not be a good idea to you. ^_^ I wouldn't suggest it as christians point out that's an automatic sentence to Hell. Go figure.
I feel your pain about being hurt, etc. But the God I know will give you the desires of your heart if you ask him and believe. It says in Matthew 7:7, and 8: Ask, and it shall be given you, seek and ye shall find. (read the rest) I pray constantly that those whose heart has been damage by pain will be healed and those who seek love will find it...but mostly that I and others find peace, happiness and success in the areas that we seek..I believe that will happen. I have faith. I enjoyed reading your post but love will come when you let God work his blessings for you. I pray that you find peace.
One other thing....Be strong my sister in St. Louis.
Oh, and allow me to point out one other thing. You seem caught up on this condition of being "normal". Unfortuantely, normality is simply the condition of the majority being in agreement. Those that stand apart from the crowd are never considered normal.
No one in the majority has been enlightened.
very interesting post indeed.
I simply ask god one thing, "god let me do your well and let me walk with you in acceptable manner in order to do things according to your will."
That pretty much takes care of everything for me. If you stay in the will of a perfect god then your life will turn out positively, in my opinion.
Wow...you definitely revealed a lot with this post. I totally feel you on a lot of your points, though I related mostly when you said, "Please make me dumber so I can be like my peers".
A long time back I too was desperately trying to fit in at my old high school. I was constantly teased everyday & was never part of the cool crowd. What hurt the most was when a new student would come in the middle of the year & I'd befriend them for a couple days, then I'm sure the so-called cool kids told the newbie if they wanted to be cool, don't talk to me, and then they'd stop. That was really painful. And you're right, the more I tried to fit in, the more I was pushed out.
Things are definitely better now as I slowly realize if a person doesn't want anything to do with you, you shouldn't keep trying to throw yourself out there. Just let it be.
That took me a while to learn too..:-)
Hernesto G:
Thank for checking profile and leting your view to be heard.
Prata:
YOu know you are the KING :)
Rosa:
I am so honored to have you on this blog. Thank you for coming. I would love to you to see in my blog crip more. I have grown out of pain now.
rell:
I am glad to have you back. I ask GOD the same thing you ask.
mytruth:
I am glad you liked my posting. Please come back and check it
e:
I also gave up to fit in. I just live my life and enjoy every minute of it.
I once read in the Bible, and remained in my memory,that as your knowledge and wisdom grow,the same sorrow and sadness grow,was something like"ye who increases his knowlegde,increases his pain..",more or less sounded like that..
Sometime I wonder if knowledge or wisdom in life isnt't much like a curse..you need strengh to accept the reality of life,of relationships,of the human nature..
I believe that during life we create a self vision of it,we develop our own way of relating to the other human beings,we have a certain way of "sensing" the life..
And when we discover that all is different,life is not like we imagined,love is not what we thought it was.. pain becomes our closest friend..
As for me..what i ask God is to help me never loose the faith..cuz sometimes when all around is falling apart and I feel like there is no tommorow,I fear i might loose the faith in Him..and I wonder how would I keep on going on without any faith..so this is my pray,never loose the faith..I almost lost my faith once and was such a terrible experience..
Your post is really impressive..it reveals a beautiful mind and a beautiful soul..
Dear Amber7dragonfly
Thank you for sharing your thoughts with me. You also have insightful thoughts. Please come back and I will also check your blog.
Best,
Nothegame
I don't have prayers, but I have wishes and hopes.
I hope to add to my wisdom every day.
I hope to Love more and fear less.
Theresa:
One thing I always wonder am I fearing or am I protecting my feelings?
If you read this please, get back to me on that.
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