I am extremely upset today because I received an email from my ex who was first love and he is married now and has a son. Why on the world he would want to contact me telling me he is passing by house we used to rent and live. That evoked a wonderful memories that he wanted to share. He is the person who cut all contacts with me no reason what so ever and got married in 6 month.
I am not upset what he did but I am upset because 3 and half years passed already. He still has a negative impact on me. By saying he has a negative impact on me I am trying to take blame off my shoulders. I should have said I am still allowing him to impact me negatively.
Since I was upset, I had to do something to make myself to think something else. I run 7 miles and went to the gym lifted heavy weights. I did all this because I wanted to make myself physically tired so I will not think anything. When I came home I was physically exhausted but my brain was wondering.
I decided to take myself out for a while. I hit the club where they play underground HIP-HOP. As soon as I got here I started sipping my favorite Tequila – Curason (spelling might be wrong). It never helps anyways. The only thing it does for me is that on my way home I pray GOD that police will not catch me and issue DWI. I promise myself from today I will not drink and drive . It puts peoples lives in danger.
Now I am back home and still feeling sh**. All my life I hated one thing- when people did not answer my questions. That monster never told me why did he do the things he did. Why he did not give me answers. It is not fair… It is selfish… and cruel.
I am wondering if it is normal to feel this way… after so many years?
I am not upset what he did but I am upset because 3 and half years passed already. He still has a negative impact on me. By saying he has a negative impact on me I am trying to take blame off my shoulders. I should have said I am still allowing him to impact me negatively.
Since I was upset, I had to do something to make myself to think something else. I run 7 miles and went to the gym lifted heavy weights. I did all this because I wanted to make myself physically tired so I will not think anything. When I came home I was physically exhausted but my brain was wondering.
I decided to take myself out for a while. I hit the club where they play underground HIP-HOP. As soon as I got here I started sipping my favorite Tequila – Curason (spelling might be wrong). It never helps anyways. The only thing it does for me is that on my way home I pray GOD that police will not catch me and issue DWI. I promise myself from today I will not drink and drive . It puts peoples lives in danger.
Now I am back home and still feeling sh**. All my life I hated one thing- when people did not answer my questions. That monster never told me why did he do the things he did. Why he did not give me answers. It is not fair… It is selfish… and cruel.
I am wondering if it is normal to feel this way… after so many years?
I am wondering if it is part of fixing broken heart?
All the best,
Nothegame
P.S He is not the best looking guy I ever dated. I have meet guys who were million times better looking than him. I know it is not love. Love is mutual understanding. I never had that with him. Back in time if somebody asked me if I loved him I would say yes. My answer to that question is NO now. Because I understand more about love now then I have ever did.
6 comments:
It does hurt and it depends on deep this relationship you had with this guy or girl. Just think of the better things which happened to you after your guys stop seeing each other ..
Just smile and be happy for it makes others happy ..
./thanks
ilaiy
Ilaiy,
I woke up today and thought the exact same things. If I were with him I would not know what is the right way to love. He gave me a pain not a joy.
Best,
Nothegame
Sometimes those who reject us seem to have the greatest power because we feel so helpless. You need to remind yourself of all the good things that are true about you. He probably doesn't even realize the emotional power he still has over you. You are the only one who can free yourself now.
Theresa,
You are right. I just can not deal feeling of helpless. I think my strong personality is my biggest enemy. It is ego, gal... I am letting it go though. Because I think it hurts me more than anybody
Gosh, I feel like I could have written this post! My good friend from Germany ditched me last Spring, after 11yrs. of friendship, and he won't tell me why! That just kills me, it pisses me off so much because I'm also the type of person who HATES when people don't answer my questions, I HATE being ignored! I'm trying hard to get over it, to have "closure", but I can't really move on until he talks to me and answers the questions that will otherwise haunt me forever. I feel I at least deserve that!
Chrystal,
I think we can never get over unless we will get explaination. I feel humilated when ppl act and do not answer. I hate ppl playing with my feelings.
Your preacher sis,
NOthegame
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