You are my heart and my soul that is not attached to me at all.

Above statement is real and applicable to a lot of love relationships. How many times we loved and adored people that is/was not attach to us at all. Unsatisfied needs (regardless of its nature) in the love department automatically implies that love is complicated, hurtful, joyful, fulfilling. Love can empty our souls and leave a hole in it. Not really. Not knowing what one gets him/herself into leads all above mentioned problems.

We all love the best way we can. We do not love based on the stories we hear. We love our own way. When it comes to deal with love we try to handle it the most socially acceptable ways. Friends start feed us with their 2 cents advice: Oh, you are so cheap. Oh, why would you do that? Oh, do you have low self esteem or something?

Falling in love is the healthiest feeling. However, most of us only know how to handle it unhealthy way. Love does not mean a certificate to marriage. Love does not mean you will get what you want. Mutual love can bring expected outcome or it just simple can make you realize “You are my heart and my soul that is not attached to me at all.”

The conclusion: Love itself is not as complicated. We make it complicated. Just do not try fit love into the most acceptable or accepted box.

WHAT DO YOU THINK LOVE IS?

Happy Halloween!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

No_the_Game

P.S I am not back to STL yet.

Dear all,

I am , NO_the_GAME , traveling. I have my post on my lab top but can not get it hooked on internet for some reasons. I am browsing people's blogs and leaving comments. I will be back. I will sure have something to share when I come back.

Miss you all,
NO_the_Game

WALKING AWAY FROM LOVE

My favorite male vocalist of all-time is David Ruffin. Although his name may not be that familiar, I’m sure almost everyone in America knows the sound of his voice. Mr. Ruffin was the lead vocalist for The Temptations during their classic line-up. You know his voice from songs such as: “My Girl,” “I Wish it Would Rain,” and “Ain’t too Proud to Beg.” The man was a marvelous talent, and a true “Soul Singer,” in the most accurate since of the word. His tragic death in June of 1991 was certainly a loss to the world of music.

David Ruffin’s vocals tell stories that my words can’t begin to express. For instance, even with corny lyrics penned by Smokey Robinson, he somehow conveys genuine heartfelt emotion on “My Girl.” I don't find that in the popular music on the radio today.

This morning, I woke up and I turned on “Walk Away From Love,” a soulful dance single with a disco flavor, which was a moderate hit on the Pop and R&B charts in 1975. I suppose it’s because I was feeling his words after a long conversation I had with someone last night.

This morning, these were the words Mr. Ruffin sang more eloquently than I can express:

It's not that I don't love you
You know how much I do
And it's not that I've found someone
To take the place of you

It's just the fear that lives within me
Everytime you touch my hand
And a dread that shakes my body
That even I don't understand

So I'm leaving
This time I'm playin' it smart
I'm gonna walk away from love
Before love breaks my heart

How does this pertain to men and women’s misunderstanding of each other?

Well… perhaps an easily misunderstood letter I considered putting in the mail this morning will tell the tale.

Dear “You,”

They say that forgiveness is divine. I suppose I’m lacking in my divinity these days. I have an unmistakable urge to hate you. But I’m not a hateful man, so I can’t. I have an unmistakable urge to love you. But my heart is cynical, so I can’t. Sometimes I wonder if I feel both at the same time. Which one is stronger?

I want you to hurt when I hurt so I’m not alone. But your pain brings tears to my eyes, so I wish you none; I wish you peace and love. I’ve given you the softest part of me, and that is something that doesn’t come with ease. Do you really think that I consider you a… ? I could never have laid down beside you if that was truly in my heart.

I’ve held your hand as tight as I could. Did I hold it too tight? I know that my grasp has to weaken. I know you have to choose freely. Letting go of a special hand hurts like hell. We’ve both done it before. But I don’t question your judgment. And I do wish you the best.

You met me when my trust was shaken, but I still had faith in you. Faith, trust and hope all have different meanings. My trust hasn’t healed, and my faith has been shaken, but I desperately hoped to be your fool. It may not be enough, but you should know that I still love you.

You're in my heart and mind,

“nosthegametoo”

Peace and Love

I like life, but not all the people I have met along the way….

When I was introduced to you, I knew I would fall in love with you. When I heard you the first time, I knew you will be winning my heart and stealing my soul away. An unhesitant part of me opened doors of my soul wide to let you in my world because I needed you. Since I've known you, you became un-attachable part of me. You travel with me all day. The way you sound it pours joy, power, hope and everlasting last.

You brought inner peace to my life. You made me realize who I am and what I am able to internalize. You made me to be proud of myself because I could understand you. You were always there to sing unbelievable tunes that I will never hear again. You created memories that are sealed in me and will go to the grave with me one day.

You find your way to my inner world through my ears, my eyes and flow in my vein till it touches deep down in me. When you touch my heartstrings I feel sacred, I feel the power, I feel fulfillment and emptiness inside. When you touch me, you bring out the softest part of me. You make me realize I am alive. You presence makes me realize I am living, breathing, understanding, crying, and laughing person.

I do not want to fall asleep because I am afraid I will not dream about you. I am afraid to fall asleep because I will not hear you. I want you too bad in my life. I need you in my life the way I need air to breath. When I hear you it is enough for me to close my eyes and feel your soft touch. I can feel the closeness that can take my breath away. I feel how you can be part of me without me knowing it. You are the best part of me.

Luv,

No_the_game

NOTE : This posting is our 50th posting on the blog. Thank you everybody for visiting and inspiring us to write. Your comments make our blog worth writting.

From both of us,

No_the_game & nosthegametoo

All women are sandwiched between heart and brain/mind. Females are viewed as emotional beings whereas males were always mucho. Heart is a symbol of tender feelings and emotions. Brain/mind is a symbol or product of thorough analysis of situation(s).

It is not fair to tell women are the only ones who are emotional. Everybody is emotional: males, gays, and lesbians, bis. It is a human nature to be emotional. Some of us have done a good job to keep our emotions under control. Emotions are evoked from deeper feelings. Nobody has emotions or feeling toward something we are totally unrelated. It would be even better said if I say humans do not develop emotions for the things we see no value in it.
(I am not using value in terms of worldly or monetarily meaning) I am sure man gets hurt the same amount or more in love department when they get cheated or turned down. I say more because male are more ego driven than most of females. Some women also have ego issues but it is another topic to discuss.

It is true woman can be a bit open about her emotions than men. We can cry, write hundred emails, and call over and over our loved one when they hurt us. We call to hear they feel sorry and understand our emotions. More or so we want our partners to take our feelings into consideration. Actually, it is not the consideration we care but it is a sympathy we seek most of the time. It is more true when said women need more sympathy than women are emotional. We can give people benefit of doubt when none should be granted. We give benefit of doubt with the hope that things will turn around for better. We can be patient to see if things going to be all right. That is why we all seem emotional.

How to eliminate detrimental emotions that affect love or dating relationship?

First of all we all need to enter to relationship no string attached mentality(NSA). We need to know that the fist impression or impression of first month is important does not hold truth at the love department. Somebody who steals your heart at first couple dates can also throw it out of window that easily. First impression is lust that can be fertile ground to grow love. It can also end in your or in her/his bedroom after couple love making sessions. My lovely grandma used to say “What catches the fire fast, burns faster” I ignored the meaning of it a long time. The longer I live the deeper I understand the true meaning of an old saying. (If you have issue with it let me know we will have discussion about it)

The second tack consists of scratching all your man/women of dreams theory. You do not need to give up all your negotiables, but yet be willing to give up some. A man/woman of dream can be very abstract therefore no need to describe him or her. We all have our own motivation and scarifies when it comes to choose mate. Here are some negotiable: s/he got to be this tall, this cute, six packs, big boobs, a nice round ass, and etc. Again it is very personal so I will not go further [insert your own negotiable and non negotiable here]

For a lot of people entering to relationship with preset mind is NO NO. Indeed it is hard to enter to relationship with preset mind. I would agree with people who does not support preset mind of relationships. However, I would strongly support one aspect of preset mind- every and each of us should know before entering to the relationship what QUALITIES we do not want to deal with. Oh boy, that is the life saver right here. [seriously take note]


The third make sure you are not entering relationship not because of lust or need to fill some missing part of you. You have to become a full person emotionally, physically sometimes financially. Note one thing here that all above said applies love relationship not other form of relationships. There are some relationships one should not negotiate even a pinch. Some relationships are even not worse for consideration.

The key factor in relationships is always behind our desire what we want out of it. So, it is up to you to know what YOU want out of your relationships. Be true to yourself, your partner and your expectations. Try to control emotions. Emotions can be so precious at the time can be valued so pricelessly.

Side Note: I have seen when people do not want to deal wiht somebody the call that person emotional. What they really mean by that is this: You are bothering me; just stop telling me all the garbage you were about to spit. Most problems can be fixed if it was listened to and given consideration. Understanding, loving and caring partner most of the time will listen. But please do not abuse that also.

So what is your negotiable(s) at the love department?

THE THINGS WE DO: THE SPEECH IN OUR ACTIONS

In 1984, while the Republican National Convention was taking place in Dallas, Texas, a man burned an American flag in front of the Dallas City Hall to protest the policies of President Ronald Regan and also to protest some Dallas-based corporations. At that time, under Texas law, a person could be found guilty of a criminal offense if he/she, “intentionally or knowingly desecrates … a state or national flag.” A Texas trial court convicted him, and he appealed all the way to the U.S. Supreme Court.

On appeal, the U.S. Supreme Court handed down a landmark ruling concerning a type of conduct called: “Symbolic Speech.” In its analysis of the case, the Court noted: “In deciding whether particular conduct possesses sufficient communicative elements to bring U.S. Constitution Amendment I into play, the Supreme Court has asked whether an intent to convey a particularized message was present, and whether the likelihood was great that the message would be understood by those who viewed it.” Texas v. Johnson, 491 U.S. 397, 404 (1989).

Now, although flag burning is a highly controversial topic, the Court did not specifically address the issue of burning the American flag. Instead, the important issue decided by the Court really concerned whether the man’s conduct, was protected by the First Amendment, as if his actions were actual speech. The case is an interesting example of how conduct can be interpreted, and how it's protected by law.

How does this pertain to men and women’s misunderstandings of each other?

Well… I’ve been thinking a lot about conduct lately, and how our actions speak for us. Often in our relationships, we are unaware of how loudly our actions speak for us, and how they are perceived. I think it’s more and more popular for people to praise, and look up to, those who “don’t care what anybody thinks.” Like that mentality is somehow a virtue.

Many of our decisions are based upon reputation, which is literally what others think of us, and what we think of them. Would you ever go to a doctor that “didn’t care” what people thought of him? Don’t men break their piggy banks so that women will say: “Oh, look at his shoes/car/clothes… he must be somebody!! Nice watch too.” Don’t women get all dressed up to convey the message: “Look at me… don’t I look nice?” All of this is conduct to influence what other’s think of us. And in some form or another, it works on ALL of us.

But do you really know what your conduct is saying?

I had a long-term relationship where the woman actually believed that insane jealousy (and it was absolutely NOT reasonable at all) was a sign of love. I guess she believed it meant you cared and you’re protective of the wonderful person you have. In the end, she was more untrustworthy than I could have imagined, and looking back, her conduct spoke volumes. I definately watch out for her brand of conduct these days.

I can remember another woman I dated who constantly spoke of the “celebrities” she had bumped into. She said she knew them, but later I found out it was only bragging; she loved to say she actually "knew" someone famous if they bumped into one another at a party or private house and talked for a minute. This is a small world. She had no clue I knew it either. I also later found out she had been “blessed” to be one or two of those guys, “I'll screw you when I’m in town, but don’t call my real home number” girls. She had no idea her charm was not taken how she assumed it was. For me, it was a telling lesson in how people can mistakenly THINK they are being slick with their conduct, but yet have no clue of what people are actually seeing in them. I'll never forget her for that.

I can remember two or three girls who loved to “demonstrate” their independence by telling me all the men they slept with and showing me their wild actions. How in the world is this supposed to turn me on? These were women that were actually interested in me, but couldn't figure out why I didn't share a mutual interest. Talk about misunderstanding their own conduct. I guess going out and freaking every man in front of me seemed like a good idea at the time. I’m assuming it probably worked for them in the past. But believe me, I took that conduct a different way.

Conduct can be EASILY misinterpreted. For instance, you can’t tell the worthwhile potential in a mate by how much professional success they’ve achieved. It’s not wholly unimportant, but good luck using it as your only measuring stick. You might find a woman who just might be well-mannered/pleasant-spoken and at the same time cruel. There's nothing worse than someone who is "nice" only in speech and manners. A man may ACT “confident” because he's overcompensating for his insecurities. The whole false-confidence thing easily works on a lot of women. How often have you heard a woman say: "Wow... he's just so... confident?"

So my thought is this: Do you really know what your conduct is saying? And do you really understand what your partner is telling you with their actions?

Peace and Love,

nosthegametoo

As you all know, I am into running. Actually I try run away from my own thoughts. When somebody runs 6 miles under 55 minutes it leaves all kind of pains that there is little room to think about bothersome stuff.

While I was running today a guy came up to me and asked if it was OK he and his dog could join me.

I looked at him and smiled then told him I was listening to the radio. He asked me stop for second. I do not know why but I did. He looked at my eyes and told me: “There is nothing damn interesting in that damn radio” I was WOW. What an ass!!! He was sort of cute!!! If he could know how to handle rejection.

I kept thinking about him the rest of the time while I was running. What would cause somebody to say something like this to a stranger? REJECTION

I thought about the effect of rejection. Knowing how to handle rejection in any relationship is a key for development of it. Most problem of human comes from not knowing how to handle rejection. For example honey I cannot go with you shopping. Hun, I really do not want your boys to hang around house 24/7. I really do not want to get phone call from you between such and such hours. You would be supprised how many people fight over a simple rejection. {put your own story here or put on comments}

We all have our own way dealing with rejection. Learning how to handle rejection can be a useful tool for a person to understand her/himself. Rejection is hard by all means. It sucks when we stand head to head with rejection at the love department.

HOW DO U HANDLE REJECTION?

No_the_Game

An internal complication is not the most pleasing feeling. I donot know if it is the life brings all these or it is my own choice. If it is a choice I want to learn how to avoid complication. I have heard people live by thier own choices. But I do not want have choices that leads to complications.

ME & MY INTERNAL FIGHT

Here is you again. Why are you coming back and leaving whenever you want? The bigger question is why on the green earth I am I letting you in and out of my life as if I have no power over it? When I see your name on my Caller ID my heart pounds. Your phone call evokes unpleasant and strangely joyful feelings.

It brings me anxiety that rushes through my heart and brain. At that second your presence cause a conflict within me. My heart says pick up the phone, my brain firmly alarms me: “Look back and think where is it leading!” If I answer I have ever-lasting conflict in my mind for days, perhaps weeks.

Yes, I find power within myself to ignore your phone call. Whom am I cheating? If do not pick it up, I know I will be returning it. The next second here I am : dialing your number. While I am listening to you I realize I am not that jaded an ironed heart lady. Your have some power over me, which is not pleasant at all. While I am listening to you, I am trying to read between your words. I am not listening to the things you are telling me but I am listening to hear what you are not telling me. Am I in love? I do not think so. Then why I cannot avoid picking up your phone call.

As soon as I hang up the phone I promise myself: "That is it. It is the last time I ever talked to this person" I do not remember anymore how many times I broke my own promises. I have power not to call you but I do not have power not to answer.

You gone now and I do not know what is the next time we will be talking again. It used to take me weeks to get over. Nowadays it takes days, maybe a day, for me to go back normal life. A life where I do not think about you till I see your name on my Call ID. As soon as my internal battle is over here you again knocking my door: Caller ID- Ur name. I am asking myself a same question: "Gosh, Am I going to answer him again?"

Who are you? How come you can influence me the way you do? Where do you get that power? Am I the one who created the power? Now I am a slave of my own creature. When I listen others suggestions it seems doing no good for the situation or for me. It just causes more problems for me. I cannot give all details to others to judge and half information also does not bring a fair judgment. I refuse to accept reality but then where this complication comes from. I know it is not a love because I know it. I know it will not work. I can not find a solution that will resolve my internal complication. I know one thing clrealy I DO NOT LOVE YOU . I do not want to love you.

So question is am I in love?

WHAT ARE YOU MINING FOR?

On January 24th, 1848, James Marshall and his men were building a saw mill in Coloma, California, but they also found something else while they were there: GOLD.

By 1849, the next year, the California Gold Rush had become a craze, with people flocking to the rural Western territory, by the thousands, in hopes of finding what they WANT. The newcomers were aptly named the “49ers.” Thousands flocked to California with hopes of finding their GOLD.

Today, Marshall’s find is so much a part of the history of America, and California, that San Francisco even named its professional football team the 49ers.

How does this pertain to men and women’s misunderstandings of each other?

Well… my father called me the other day and we had a really long conversation. I love him dearly. I don’t think I could ever quantify the value of the guidance he has given me in my professional and daily life. It’s been an asset to have someone who gives advice, not only out of love, but also out of wisdom. It’s a tough act to follow. But he also lets me know that the choices that made him the man he is today sometimes came from the lessons learned by the foolish young man he once was.

During the conversation, my father asked me: “Son… you found yourself a little girl out there in Chicago yet?” I skirted around the question a bit, not really wanting to get into the topic. Usually, our recent conversations have been more serious, so it seemed a bit out of the blue. But finally, I answered him: “Naw dad… I suppose I’m not really in the mood to meet someone serious.” So he answered me: “Son… I understand. But you can’t take yourself out of the game.” And we laughed a bit about men, women and dating in general. Then he finally said to me: “Son… remember, I understand how tough it is to find a good woman. But keep one thing in mind…

YOU CAN’T FIND GOLD IN A SILVER MINE.”

So… how does this pertain to men and women’s misunderstandings of each other?

After I was done laughing, when I got off the phone I started thinking about the common-sense wisdom and meaning in those words.

His words left me with a more important question I have for myself: Do I know GOLD when I see it?

When I think of the unsuccessful relationships in my life, and those that I have witnessed from the sidelines, I often wonder why we sometimes greatly miscalculated the mettle of our mates.

Sometimes it seems so easy to see the fool in others. But what about the fool in ourselves that can emerge when we're dealing with matters of the heart? I'm sure many of us have asked: “Why the hell is my friend fooling with that woman/man?” I’m sure we’ve all seen a few of those train-wrecks masked as relationships before. And I’m sure some of us have been through one or two ourselves.

I suppose I’m wondering more and more if I’ve been hoping to find GOLD in a saw mill. I suppose it's possible to find GOLD in a saw mill, James Marshall did. But how often does THAT happen? And then again, Mr. Marshall wasn't actually looking for GOLD when he found it, he just knew how to recognize it.

Peace and Love,

nosthegametoo