Concentrating on wrong issues or not being able spot the issue is a problem all facets of life. It becomes even more problematic when it involves two people. I truly believe people fall in love more than they understand the responsibilities or issues love brings.
One & the most disappointing issue is most of us do not know the difference of love and last. Sometimes I wonder if I had more last than love. Anyhow, the topic of this post is to shed light on how assessment of personality types and traits can make us to be happy people.

Although many of us know we have issues in our relationship(s), most of us are not able to pin point it. I firmly believe one cannot overcome, solve, resolve a problem if the root of the problem is unknown. Issues can be generated one’s ignorance, unwillingness to cooporate, accommodate each others needs, willingness to listen, share and etc. There are too many things; I truly cannot list all of them. Named issues are more traditional sense but modernization also brought new material issues such as having fancy lifestyle, expensive gifts, vacations & time to spend with each other, etc.

Most people renounce love when it comes to material things. I agree love should be pure and innocent but I also know the reality. You can be truly in love but when it comes to put food on the table it does not help that much. I am not into gold digging; however knowing the reality becomes handy from time to time. Most people enter relationship with illusion(s): Love is enough & that is it.

There are a few people who will accept a minimum financial freedom. They are also some people how will not settle less than what they want. The good thing about both personalities is that both personalities know who they are. Knowing yourself, situation, awareness of issues can eliminate troubles later on. If you know and understand yourself, then you have the blessing of happiness.

For example, my sister dated her soon to be ex-husband over 8 years before they got married. Now she asks herself what went wrong. Even still today she is not able to answer but I knew it from the beginning. She did not assess herself, did not know things about herself. I knew she wants somebody to be there for her for everything. She liked to be pampered all the time. She wanted somebody to provide and be attentive for her child, while she raises her baby. The guy she dated was everything but the person she wanted him to be. He is from a famous musician family who are known making music of their priority. Now he is one of the best & well known a music producer and works long hours. I am sure at a time my sister loved the attention she got becuase he was famous. That factor did not help them when they got married though. Now a year and half later baby boy in her arm, my sister getting divorced & feels scared.

Recommendations:

- Before assessing him/her ASSESS yourself

- Assess YOUR needs then his/hers

- Know what is your expectations (go out and hang out every weekend, dine in fancy restaurants, attend all musicals in your town, not to be bothered every day, receive good morning , afternoon, evening calls or opposite etc)

- After knowing a bit yourself assess him/her (If you think the person you love does not take responsibility for his action and do not understand his responsibility you truly need to asses it. It can cause a lot of troubles down the road.

- One more thing to keep in mined the person you love can be the BEST person in the world but cannot be what YOU WANT

Thanks for reading my scattered views this time,

No_the_Game

Are you transparent enough?

It is amazing how everybody demands transparency in every relationship without even showing a sign that there is transparency in his or her side. Back in the day I was trying to get into some type of relationship. It just did not work out. He was all I needed, but one thing, he was demanding transparency from my side but always covered up his side. Now I tell myself – what a jerk!!!

Why would one want or demand transparency? There are a million reasons but building a real and serious relationship is not one of them. I think it is selfish and childish to demand transparency. It is selfish because demanding something means you do not care and you want things to be done your own way.

First of all, just demanding something, which should be given, cheapens the person. That is at least what I think. I think if there is mutual respect none of the side should demand anything.

Secondly, why should one be with somebody when they are not getting what s/he wants? If you demand anything from any relationship, which should be given to you voluntarily, intuitively then you are in wrong relationship. Most people are naturally intuitive when it comes to relationship. We all know what is acceptable what is not. There is a common acceptance and rules. I would love to say scratch that and never look back, but society dictates us a lot of things. Making sense out of any relationship is one of them.

My last word -Never Fulfill anybody’s demand just because she/he wants it. If there is logic behind it, you want to do it, then you can do it. Do not forget to let the other person know that it is give and take world. If you kindness is abused it can exhaust faster than it thought to last.


With love,
No_the_Game

2005 chapter is closed. For me it was a weird year with lots of personal and professional struggle. Have you ever asked yourself if you had to go thru these struggles? I might be wrong, but struggles all those years made me a better person in terms of teaching me how much crap I can take in a given day or from anybody. Without any effort you will be able to see struggle in all walks of life.

The biggest struggle is carried in the highest point of human body or in the middle of chest. I always wonder if the highest point in human body leads to troubles then why would anybody blame a little carry in the lower middle?

I am grateful for not being wounded in love the department as much as I used to, compared to previous years. I guess I am on my pick of my self-realizations. I learned more about myself past year. I also finally found how I related to other people.

We all have heard “Connecting with people is so hard” Bla bla bla. Not really. We connect with people very easily. If you told me “Connection I am looking for is hard, I am not able to connect the person I want to connect, I am not able to connect such and such to the level s/he wants” then that would be totally different story.

Yeah… We all seek the connection we want to build. Connectivity with other people also has a certain degree. We want certain connection to be stronger than other. I think we all have our own stake when we connect. Some of us are willing to give up more than others to connect with somebody. Occasionally people give up a bit in the first stage of connection but it gets bigger and bigger as time progress. That is when troubles start.

I am not against giving up something in order to gain. Even there are some sayings -- in any given relationship one person loves more than other or one person is more nurturer than other. I used to believe and accept that mentality. I still will allow myself to understand that mentality to a certain degree but in any given relationship people have to be willing to adopt some changes. Changes should lead to a balanced relationship not to a totally different personality. Willingness to change to a certain degree is the sign for a balanced relationship where involved individuals will not burn out because of constant given but not receiving. If person is not willing to change then you are hitting your head to a hard stone. Most relationships are doomed because they are imbalanced. Balanced strictly means 50/50 not 51/49 ratios. If that is what you thought it should be then it is time for you scrap that crap out of your mind completely. It ought to be 50/50 forget all about 80/20 relationships we all had.

In case if you wonder 80/20 relationships look back to your last dysfunctional relationship. Do you see a picture of yourself miserable? Were not you hoping that person was going to change as time progress? Where is he? Where is she? So if you or somebody you know in those types of relationship remember life is built on balance anything imbalanced will collapse.

The question is how much should I give up? My unit of measurement is very simple. If anybody has to give up all of who s/he is as an individual to be part of somebody, the price is too high. I have always advocated and recommended to walk out of any imbalanced relationships.

What is your type of measurement?

With love,

No_the_Game.