Unintentional or Intentional, which one to blame? PART I

I generally do not put anything besides our own writing on this blog but it is somehow related even FUNNY!!!
Sexual Consent

Happy Belated Thanksgiving Everybody!

I was away from home for Thanksgiving and could not access blogspot. You are probably thinking what century are we at ? Funny enough, people I visited had a perfect PC and high speed Internet. I still could not access internet because of their “The secret CIA decktop” I call it “The secret CIA desktop” because it is monitored such a way I was not even able to get my g-mail account. Needless to say I was able to read your blogs and could not respond to any. OK , enough of my “secret CIA desktop”

I had a worse holiday event my life. I will write about it in 3 separate posts ( You are going to hear the horrible stores and how uncivilized I acted). Now, let’s get started.

Neither food nor the people who hosted me were bad. Everything was good but the person who invited me. I just simply have love & hate relationship with this person. I mentioned him on the pervious posts sporadically. He is somebody I used to love with my whole heart and looked forward seeing him whenever I got chance. He is somebody I used to tell a very secret part of my life. (Now he uses them against me) He is somebody who used to give me the peace, love and attention that would make me feel blessed.

Not a long time ago ( 6 months) I told him that I wanted to be serious with him and have a relationship. Since then everything is going down the hill. He mentally abuses me and even worse he thinks nothing of it. He became a nightmare of my life. I do not want to be with him or without him. I have heard people do not change over the time, their true face shows off after awhile. I am in a limbo where I can not tell which one was true him; a caring, loving person or the evil who acts mean intentionally.

I am no angel myself. I am a very selfish person. My selfishness stems from my childhood (He knows it too). I was abused and neglected as a child. I remember clearly that I used to swear that when I get old enough I will not let anybody to take advantage of me or take things away from me. So, sometime this self created trait comes off in my daily life and relationships. When I act selfish I try to compensate it or apologize. He knows I have changed for a better and I am working on my short comings.

The only question I have is it acceptable for him to act mean just because he wants to pay me back?

My mean behaviors are truly unintentional but his are intentional.

He tells me, he will treat me the way I treat him.

Do you think he is right the way he treats me even though he knows I am working on mine ?

With Luv,



I had a long lunch yesterday. I don’t think anyone needed it more. I even had a chance to take a few minutes to enjoy Millennium Park, here in downtown Chicago. The new park is a wonderful place. It’s not often that a city uses prime real estate in one of the most expensive parts of the commercial and business district for a public park. It’s a beautiful place to just take a minute and get your thoughts together.

Sometimes, I think it’s important to take a short time out of your day to remember the things that make life important and precious.

How does this pertain to men and women’s misunderstandings of each other?

Well… night before last, two very important people in my life called me around the same time. One, a best friend of many years who lives Out East, and another a dear friend who lives much closer. One being male, and the other being female gave me a unique way of taking in all they were inadvertently reminding me of. So I’ll break it down in two seemingly unrelated short stories:

Short Story #1:

I am fairly familiar with a guy who grew up near me and now lives Out East. This guy is such an embarrassment that he has been black-balled by every person he comes into contact with, myself included. It’s not necessary the racism or anti-Semitism that gets people, but believe me, that crap doesn’t help his case. It’s not that he has already been slapped with sexual harassment on the job. Hell, it’s not even the fact that he has a crazed look in his eye. It’s really just the man himself.

So, this all-purpose leper invites my best friend out last night, and my friend accepts reluctantly. After a humiliating evening, my friend calls me up and tells me how bad this poor guy has really become. A full-blown alcoholic, he is now the vying for the Angriest Man Alive award. He’s a complete mess of a man. So much so, that my best friend has reluctantly decided to black-ball him as well (which I told him to do long ago).

Before we got off the phone, my best friend paused just to say thank you for being a life-long friend. I was kind of thrown off guard. But the sentiment really hit me. We talked a bit longer about how rare it is to truly have a best friend.

Short Story #2:

A dear friend of mine has gone through some emotionally tough times recently. She is an extremely special woman who has come further than anyone who meets her would ever guess. She truly is one in a million.

She now faces an extremely trying burden that she must shoulder almost alone. I do my best to allow her the emotional freedom to do what she must, but she still sometimes needs me to do nothing but hold the phone, so that my presence is there while she tries to sleep.

Now, although she has been edgy most of the years I’ve known her, and definitely a pain in the butt, she’s come a long way even in that. She’s been like a member of the family, even at her most difficult. But because I love her, she knows she gets away with things no one has before or probably ever will. And in that, she knows she has my love.

How do these stories relate to each other?

Well… you can’t have a best friend, mate or lover without the tumultuous times. Sometimes, the last thing we want to hear is the crap spewing out of the mouths of the people around us. Sometimes, we just want to be consumed with ourselves.

But you know what, after hanging up from two of the most important people in my life, I realized how lucky you are if you can find someone to put up with your shit and still want you. It makes me realize that if I’m putting up with all their crap, what in the world must they be putting up with from me???

So ladies and gentlemen, enjoy the weekend and give thanks. The people that truly care in our lives are rare. Respect them. Compromise when it’s reasonable. And don’t forget the blessings you have been lucky to receive, even if for a short time. Sometimes, just having them for a moment is a gift that lasts a lifetime.

Peace and Love,



Am I playing dating game?

Dear You,

I meant to write you this letter a long time ago. I know we both love and hate each other. First, I was not ready then it was you. This letter is not about blaming you. The intent of the letter is to let you know how I am feeling. I know probably you are shaking your head and thinking “ Here we go!!! She is talking and it is all about her”

I am also not trying to play dating games here as you always say.

I am aware that I am not good considering your feelings. But haven’t I made progress on this? You know at least I tried. I am trying my best, sometimes even more than best. But I am scared that I am loosing myself in between. I was in relationship where I gave up who I was. And it ended up taking more than 6-7 years of my life. It took me a long time to be me again. It lowered my self-esteem and took me place where I shouldn’t have been at the first place.

Do you know why I loved you? I loved you because you knew where low self-esteem took me but you stick beside me. You hold my hand & walked with me. You taught me things that I would have not learned by myself. You showed me how to love myself and respect myself. You have changed my life the day you stepped in. I can tell with certainty that I am a different person today than I was before.


You even didn’t think your words would hurt me as much, did you? It took a long time for me to get comfortable with you. It took longer than I thought it would take my heart to warm up and extend wings of my soul so it can be a guardian of your feelings. In meanwhile you called me a person who plays dating games? You kept telling me you were not sure if I was tired of dating games or ready to give up my dating games. I've never played any dating games with you or with anybody else.

It took me really a long time to value you. It took me a long time to realize you are made out of a different material than I was used to. I took me a long time not to scale you in the same way I was scaling everybody.

Boy, wasn’t I wrong? I thought you are special and a person who truly loved me. You insulted me with your words the way I was not insulted before. I feel like you grabbed my heart and dragged over the rough stones and mud. My heart is bruised, it is in pain. But my mind keeps telling me I will be able to put all these behind and move forward.

What is in your mind?

With luv,
Tired of dating games

Dear readership I would like to ask you to respond this letter as if it was written to you.



When someone goes away, it’s hard. Distance is often a tremendous drain on relationships. Personally, I’m not a fan of long-distance relationships, I’ve been there before and the results have been terrible.

But physical distance is one thing, and growing apart is another. There’s nothing worse than growing more distant from someone: emotionally, professionally, mentally, spiritually, intellectually…or any other life changing ascensions that can distance you from another person.

There’s no sense in holding a candle for someone who will never need that light to return to you. I’ve often heard that: “Life is what happens while you’re planning for it.” All I need to do is think of all the unintended and unpredictable happenings in my life to know that mapping out reality in our own terms isn’t always as successful as we hope.

How does this pertain to men and women’s misunderstandings of each other?

Well… often we choose to avoid dealing with the practical circumstances of our relationships. You know, that whole elephant in the living-room thing. Maybe it’s because our hearts lead us in directions our bodies sometimes should not go. Our hearts sometimes prevent us from saying goodbye because we want to hold on and try to mend the cracks we see in a failed relationship. While it’s possible to work on problems, if the problems are at the core of the person, it’s time to say goodbye.

There’s nothing worse than growing close to someone who is almost perfect. Now, obviously, the concept of perfection in a mate is a bit of a fantasy, but I’ll share ONE my definitions of perfection in a mate:

PERFECT: A person who shares, believes, practices and accepts the core fundamental values to your life, and holds those higher than personal pride.

Personally, I’ve seen problems arise in my relationships when I’ve been unsure about what my core fundamental values are. What are the non-negotiable in your life? And do you understand why those things are non-negotiable to you?

I took me a while to start understanding the difference between a fundamental core quality and some of the nice things I like about a woman that makes me happy. For instance, one of my fundamental non-negotiable is a person that is reasonable. We all carry with us remnants of anger we’ll held onto along the way, but as we get older, it’s important to realize that some pain must simply be released. It’s unhealthy to hold onto it like a child holds a comfort blanket.

My question is this: When did you learn that ALMOST perfect was far from it, or not good enough? How long did it take you to get over it?

Peace and love,

Tired of Dating Games