Happy Belated Thanksgiving Everybody!
I was away from home for Thanksgiving and could not access blogspot. You are probably thinking what century are we at ? Funny enough, people I visited had a perfect PC and high speed Internet. I still could not access internet because of their “The secret CIA decktop” I call it “The secret CIA desktop” because it is monitored such a way I was not even able to get my g-mail account. Needless to say I was able to read your blogs and could not respond to any. OK , enough of my “secret CIA desktop”
I had a worse holiday event my life. I will write about it in 3 separate posts ( You are going to hear the horrible stores and how uncivilized I acted). Now, let’s get started.
Neither food nor the people who hosted me were bad. Everything was good but the person who invited me. I just simply have love & hate relationship with this person. I mentioned him on the pervious posts sporadically. He is somebody I used to love with my whole heart and looked forward seeing him whenever I got chance. He is somebody I used to tell a very secret part of my life. (Now he uses them against me) He is somebody who used to give me the peace, love and attention that would make me feel blessed.
Not a long time ago ( 6 months) I told him that I wanted to be serious with him and have a relationship. Since then everything is going down the hill. He mentally abuses me and even worse he thinks nothing of it. He became a nightmare of my life. I do not want to be with him or without him. I have heard people do not change over the time, their true face shows off after awhile. I am in a limbo where I can not tell which one was true him; a caring, loving person or the evil who acts mean intentionally.
I am no angel myself. I am a very selfish person. My selfishness stems from my childhood (He knows it too). I was abused and neglected as a child. I remember clearly that I used to swear that when I get old enough I will not let anybody to take advantage of me or take things away from me. So, sometime this self created trait comes off in my daily life and relationships. When I act selfish I try to compensate it or apologize. He knows I have changed for a better and I am working on my short comings.
The only question I have is it acceptable for him to act mean just because he wants to pay me back?
My mean behaviors are truly unintentional but his are intentional.
He tells me, he will treat me the way I treat him.
Do you think he is right the way he treats me even though he knows I am working on mine ?