“I’m crying everyone’s tears. And there inside our private war, I died the night before.”
Sade, “King of Sorrow”
I must admit that Sade has an amazing and uncanny ability to sing words and emotions straight from my heart. Honestly, she really resonates with me.
I was listenting to the song, "King of Sorrow" and it made me think of relationships. I suppose the above lyrics must have really caught me at the moment. Guess I've been thinking about the private wars that we all struggle with in terms of our relationships.
How does this pertain to men and women’s misunderstandings of each other?
Well… I had the great and unexpected pleasure of seeing one of my two best friends this weekend. We’ve been through a lot together. You know, it’s difficult to explain to someone what it’s like to have a BEST-FRIEND especially if they’ve never had the experience. When you’ve grown up with someone, and been close with them upwards of 15+ years, you understand parts of each other that sometimes surprise one another.
The occasion that brought him to town was a wedding. His girlfriend’s close college friend will be getting married.
I was excited not only to see him, but to see his girlfriend. Both of my family and his family are close, and our respective opinions carry weight with one another. He was eager to find out my opinion of the woman he had been dating a year. The verdict: Solid.
Now, that may not be a resounding endorsement, but I have a reason for my reluctance. These are two individuals are from two ENTIRELY different belief systems in both religous and cultural terms. Now, I know there are people out there who are in the “just as long as you love each other” camp, but I’m not sure that’s enough. Reconciling incompatable pieces of your culture with someone elses is not an easy thing to do, and maybe an impossible thing to do if you can't reach common ground.
Personally, I’ve gone through the whole private war thing, in religious and cultural terms, more than once. Honestly, I’d like to forget about it. But the truth is, I always have to ask myself what’s most important to me. Truthfully, I’m not afraid to make judgments, I just wanna make the right ones. Obviously, I'm not of the opinion I need to choose FOR him, or even that I should offer my opinion if it's unsolicited. But, if he asks, I'll be the friend that he was to me when he once warned me about the danger of a relationship I had entered long ago.
My best friend genuinely loves his lady, but what do you do when you can’t reconcile spiritual issues, or cultural ones? Their respective positions on religon and culture are dear to both them, it's not some sort of "who cares" deal, because both of them care dearly.
Damn, it’s something to wonder about. Suppose it's just one of those private wars you have to wadge alone.
Peace and Love,