Addition/Correction: When I talk about attention in this article, I used attention in the context of giving attention to involved people's needs. Not in the context of gaining any attention from opposite sex. I meant if you are involved with somebody it does not matter which way it is delivered to meet your needs. The key here is NEED. Ones needs can be completely different than others.

While I was running past weekend I was thinking if genuine attention is better than attention that is being given out of courtesy in love relationships. When we get into relationship we want to get full package: respect, love, connection, undertanding and etc. I think if there is an attempt to show all that, it is satisfactory. We demand all of that too early, especially if we find the person physically attractive or find something in the person we appreciate. After almost hours trying to find answer the question I found answer relies heavily on the nature of relationship. Sometimes we do things to make people feel happy, respected or feel good. Why cannot we do the same when it comes to a man and woman relationship? Sometimes we feel offended when we think, speculate or conclude that is the case.

If you are just dating or getting to know somebody I think it should be satisfactory if a person is doing it out of courtesy or doing it to make you feel good. People just expect too much or want too much very quickly. For the matter of fact unless you are married or engaged any forms of attention should be acceptable. Let me change it. It should be acceptable in any situation. But for emotional people it might be a dry approach but it works. Because the feeling that is generated is the same regardless how that attention was paid unless one makes him/herself think otherwise. Oh, s/he does it for the sake of being polite… How pathetic!!!

However, it should be more genuine when one is married or engaged under the assumption that person really cares and loves the person they married or engaged. Attention, respect is provoked by the deeper feelings, at least that what I think. When you love deeply attention, respect comes with it.

If one does get genuine attention or attention out of courtesy then why to worry the nature of it. Most of us do not realize we do have an option. It is amazing if we start thinking we can conclude we have an option almost for everything we do but death and taxes.

You have option to deal with anything in love department or leave it. If you leave it is over. If you do not want to leave and stick around and see one ADVICE: Never worry or upset yourself with the thing you have absolutely no power or control over.

I would like to know what you think or which one do you refer?

Luv,
Genuine _Love_Preacher

P.S One clarification . I am not preaching on take what you get. What I am saying is this: You have an option and do not be too demanding. If is it your nature to demand then you should move on do not hang on the things with the hope you will change situation.

THE VALUE OF A JUDGMENT, pt. I

As the days and years go by, I learn more and more how to differentiate my NEEDS from my WANTS. Like any other human-being, my WANTS are potentially limitless. But I have also learned that it’s easy to confuse WANTS with NEEDS. I’ve found that we often desperately, and with our whole heart, WANT all kinds of things that don’t add VALUE to our lives; many of these things are even far beyond the remote boundaries of our most peripheral NEEDS.

Thinking back, I look to the things I so desperately WANTED, which are now so unimportant to me, and I now see the flaws in my systems of judgment. So now, I’m re-establishing, rebuilding and reviewing the manner in which I make:

VALUE JUDGMENTS.

But first, I’ll start with a workable definition. The good folks who give us the American Heritage dictionary define a "VALUE JUDGEMENT" as: “A JUDGEMENT that assigns a VALUE, as to an object or action; a subjective evaluation." However, to provide a clearer view of MY concept of a VALUE JUDGMENT, I’ll add: “…or behavior or trait or quality in another person.”

How does this pertain to men and women’s misunderstandings of each other?

Well… I think most people misunderstand the VALUE we place upon the qualities, traits and images we see in others. It’s a strange and almost overwhelming realization to find that some of the things you thought which once had a high VALUE are not particularly important to your life.

For instance, they say: “You can tell a lot about a man by his shoes.” I often laugh at that. I laugh because the only thing you can really tell is that the guy heard that saying before. NOW, THAT'S NOT TO SAY THAT THERE IS NO VALUE IN FINDING SOMEONE WHO IS DETAIL-ORIENTED IN THEIR LIFE. PERSONALLY, I PREFER SOMEONE THAT HAS THEIR LIFE TOGETHER. SO PLEASE, PICKING A SLOB/BUM IS USUALLY NOT A REASONABLE CHOICE; WE DON’T NEED TO CONTEMPLATE THOSE EXTREMES. Like the old folks say: The devil is in the detail. Details can create an accurate perception and be extremely helpful…or they can be misleading and lure you into misjudgment.

If details are what you VALUE and what impresses you when you see someone, you might need to find out the answer to this question: If this guy/girl is detail-oriented in their appearance (physical or professional or otherwise), are they detail-oriented in the SUBSTANTIVE aspects that build/maintain a workable relationship?

Through my own misjudgments, and by watching people around me, I see how people VALUE and seek details I doubt will enhance the substance of a serious relationship. The mistake comes from the ASSUMPTIONS we THINK we can make based on those things we VALUE. I’ll toss a few out there: 1) He has to be this tall; 2) Her breasts have to be this big; 3) He has to work in this industry; 4) She has to be into that type of music; 5) He has to dance like this; 6) She has to approach life that way; 7) He/She has to identify with these things I’ve been through in my life; 8) He/She has to have this kind of “Stylish-Life” (see my September 04, 2005 posting) …. and so on.

The problem: SUCESSS IN ONE PORTION OF SOMEONE’S LIFE DOES NOT MEAN THAT SUCCESS HAS PERMEATED THROUGH THE REST OF THEIR LIFE. Although, DO NOT take that as an endorsement of seeking failure or finding someone who dreams and doesn’t take care of business. To me, that's not REASONABLE.

Like many of those in the dating pool, I’ve had my share of heart-break because I wasn’t mature enough or experienced enough to VALUE the SUBSTANCE of the things that are important to building a LIFE. I gave too much priority and attention to first looking for the alluring traits and qualities I used to OVER-VALUE.

In a potential mate, I NEED: 1) a woman who has a concept of being in a FAMILY; 2) a woman who will help raise OUR children with OUR shared morals and values in life; 3) a woman who is ABLE to be part of a family; 4) a woman who believes and practices the discipline of FIDELITY; 5) a woman who is REASONABLE; 6) a woman who can be RATIONAL when we have a problem to solve; 7) a woman who is consicous AND respectful of the FAITH and TRUST I give when I am in love... and so on.

There’s nothing like losing someone who once meant the world to you and then finding out you VALUED things in them that weren’t important in the long-run. Often, it’s worse than a death in the family. In death, there is the eventual solace of knowing there was a cause and effect… no matter how unfair that cause may be. When your heart crumbles to pieces, you are often left with questions of “why” and “what happened” that will NEVER be answered with ANY true measure of satisfaction.

It hurts like hell to learn that your VALUE JUDGMENTS are what create a HUGE portion of your unhappiness with your CHOICE in a mate, especially when you THINK you NEED what you WANT to VALUE.

So I wonder… how many of our heartbreaks could have been avoided with a clearer view of what we NEED to VALUE, as opposed to what we WANT to VALUE?

Peace and Love,

nosthegametoo

oc

I am outgrowing myself. Maybe I am damned by Satan. I do not think GOD really wants me to know all the truth. Because he knows the more I reveal the truth about people behavior harder it gets for me to accept unreasonableness. And I know GOD does not want me to be in pain. The more I reveal the truth about humans, the more it hurries me to get rid off human like behaviors such a caring about others or giving priority to the other people. Realization of truth makes me self centered, selfish, and monster like. I am almost left with no options but get rid off human like behaviors because people love taking advantage of those feelings.

When I was younger I used to cry and ask GOD "Please God make me dumper so I can be like my peers." Talk about guys, gossip about others, and memorize all the songs that is played on the local radio. That point of my life I really wanted fit in. The more I tried to fit in the more I was pushed out.

I was not particularly excited with that life but wanted to be accepted. I was into something else. I wanted more out of my life. I wanted to get the best education with full scholarship. I wanted to see the land of free- AMERICA. I wanted it so bad that I would spend all my days at the local library to learn English.

All that took me a minute to achieve. The minute that lasted 4-5 years but here I am in the States and asking God the same question. This time I have added some other favors too. Not because I became greedier... unfortunately I understand more now.

• I found out most love poems, I used to hear, are as sweet as a great sex with somebody who yet to call.
• I found out the person you took in your life so wildly (why would anybody let a stranger to their life anyways) will be gone with same level of wildness.
• I found out piece of your heart can be thrown to a trash can as easily as you give it away.
• I found out a passion for life can easily be gone as your last breathe.
• I found out you cannot fallow your passion for life because there is other things you need to take care.
• I found out your life is as valuable as your bank account to some people.
• I found out you cannot play Hide & Seek at your romantic department because it leaves a scar in your heart that takes years to heal.
  
  Now I am asking GOD
  
• To give me what he thinks appropriate in my life not what I want out of life. He knows I will accept his decisions.
• Please GOD never leave me alone (You are the only one I truly trust and believe).
• To give me strength to disregard unpleasant memories.
• To give me strength to forgive people who tried to hurt me (professional or personal life).
• To put all that discipline in my life I used to have.
• To give me the wisdom I dreamt of.
• To give me strength that I can balance my life.
• To give me heart and mind so I can close my eye to injustice I see daily base.
• To show me light.
• GOD please do not let me to rip last piece of humanity in my soul.
  
  Now I am wondering when I will look back several years from now what else I will ask GOD.
  
  What do you ask GOD ?

BASIN STREET BLUES

Today was a reflective day for me here in the Windy City. I spent a lot of time thinking about the South. I spent lot of time thinking about all the families who were like my own, but who weren’t as fortunate during the recent natural disaster.

CHICAGO and NEW ORLEANS are my favorite cities in America. But truth be told, I still like NEW ORLEANS more. When I close my eyes and think of the city, I remember walking through the French Quarter for the first time with my brother. I remember the quality and flavor of the gumbo that can’t be matched in ANY other town. I remember the Jazz.

Most of all, I can remember listening, with my family, to the voice of Sam Cooke (my mother’s favorite vocalist of All-Time) sing the music and words of Spencer Williams, who composed the song “Basin Street Blues” in 1928:

“Basin Street. Basin Street. That’s the place where my friends all meet. Down in New Orleans, in that land of dreams. And you don’t know how nice it seems. It’s dear to me, yessiree. And that’s the place I’m sure longing to be. Where I can lose, these old Basin Street Blues.”

How does this pertain to men and women’s misunderstandings of each other?

Well… I think it’s a natural tendency to sometimes find ourselves completely self-absorbed. Perhaps this is because so many of our experiences in life are alone. Perhaps that is why so many people wish to share a belief in the same spirituality in our world. Our deepest and most sincere thoughts can only truly be found within the confines of our own mind, which can sometimes leave us lonely.

However, it is the memories that we cherish dearly that light our path through some of the toughest times. Have you ever smiled to yourself when people were around and taken pleasure in knowing you have a private thought?

I think that sometimes we are fools to let our pride and our games rob us of the great memories that may last us a lifetime. For instance, if either myself or my brother allowed the argument we had at breakfast to be an excuse to shove our pride in one another’s face, on that wonderful day I think of so often, I wonder if I would have such a vivid and specific memory of being happy on that specific day, and at that specific moment later in that day. I wonder if I would still have memories I’ll share with my grandchildren; God-willing.

One of the worst regrets in the world is to know that you are responsible for creating some of your bad memories. In time, the best we can do is to push away our foolishness and move on. I suppose it’s one of those life-lessons, or punishments, we are supposed to endure. Fortunately, some memories are designed to fade, especially bad ones.

But luckily, some of our best memories are etched into our minds, and those need only subtle reminders to bring them back to life. There’s nothing like having a reminder to let you know that you had a hand in creating a wonderful memory that can make you smile in a crowd or an empty room.

So… how does this pertain to men and women’s misunderstandings of each other?

Well… be careful of the memories you help create. We should be able to look back and laugh, or just smile as much as possible, when we think of the good or wonderful memories we have helped create with: loved ones, friends, mates or just a pleasant stranger that took the time to speak. Life is about relationships: fraternal, business, romantic, platonic, familial, spiritual, casual, professional, friendly and so on.

I think sometimes we forget how much control we have over our lives, our surrounding circumstances, and the memories we help create.


Peace and Love,

nosthegametoo

THE PRINCIPLE OF OPPOSITES

It was a long and excessive, yet fun weekend for me here in Chicago, so I have been inspired to think about balance and the rejection of imbalance.

The ancient Chinese developed a YIN and YANG theory of life. It is a principle of opposites that explains the balance of life. The theory holds that YIN represents everything about the world that is: dark, hidden, passive, receptive, yielding, cool, soft, and feminine. Its opposite, YANG, represents everything about the world that is: illuminated, evident, active, aggressive, controlling, hot, hard, and masculine. Their theory is that everything in the world can be identified as either YIN or YANG.

For instance, their belief is that the earth itself would fall under YIN (not too hard to believe that the life-giving earth is feminine, is it?). And on the other hand, the heavens would fall under YANG (think these designations are part of the male/female power dynamic?). That being said, it’s fairly obvious to see that MAN and WOMAN are the ultimate YANG and YIN.

How does this pertain to men and women’s misunderstandings of each other?

Well… I think modern American society has done us the great disservice of selling us a confusing misnomer: To be equal in our humanity we must be the same in all things. To me, this is both sad and unfortunate because it takes the balance from life.

The truth is: We are not all the same. Men are different from Women. Just as a people’s culture makes them think and consequently behave differently (Take notice that I omitted the phrase RACE. Sometimes I wonder if that phrase is so misused and misunderstood that the word itself conjures racism). That makes people different. But where are we the same? When does equal mean absolutely equivalent?

WE ARE EQUAL IN OUR HUMANITY. But do we have trouble seeing the human in someone else, whether out of admiration, ignorance or disdain?

I have a friend who will often say she is disgusted by, “people who cannot see the human in others.” I’ve found this to be extremely true. There are plenty of ways to tune your eyes to humanity. My question is this: When we tune our eyes to see those parts of humanity which are most easily identifiable or alluring to us, do we blind ourselves to other aspects of humanity? If that’s the case, we’ve taken balance out of our vision of others or our potential mate/friend.

The moment you see the ethnic heritage reflected in the face of someone different, are thoughts immediately formed? Now, those thoughts may be negative or they may be positive, that’s not the question I’m asking. So alternatively, I propose two questions:

1) Do you like/dislike someone different from you because you think you can identify with them?

2) Is there really a difference between having a favorable opinion of someone based on their ancestry verses an unfavorable opinion based on the same characteristic?

The moment you see a member of the opposite sex, are thoughts immediately formed? For instance, if you’ve been hurt by a woman (or a man), do you ascribe those personality traits to WOMEN or MEN as a group?

Believe me, I’m well-aware of the difficulty in finding balance in viewing others. And please… I’m well-aware of “the way things are.” In life, we can only work to convince the world to change its ways. BUT we can DEFINATELY change our own mentality, which changes the world for ourselves, and maybe for some of the people around us.

I think we waste too much time trying to be the same. We make the unfortunate mistake of believing that we can be “just as good” if we make ourselves the same. As a society and as individuals, we try to find cultural or sexual equivalence because we can’t accept the humanity in someone who isn’t the same. In our relationships, some of us spend our time trying to “out-do” our mates in some aspect so we can THINK that we are equivalent (i.e. financially, emotionally, spiritually, aesthetically, philosophically, physically…ah…there’s too many to mention).

There is a balance to life. Too much femininity is not good. Too much masculinity is not good. Personally, I work everyday to be a more complete individual, and most important, a more balanced man. Romantically, I’ll have to find a woman who can complement the best in me. But to have that balance, she’ll have to be as complete or incomplete as I am at that point in our lives. Looks like that will take a whole lot of work.

There are no guarantees on our path in this life. HOWEVER, the more roadblocks we remove, the easier it is to get where we’re going. Have you found the balance between the respective YIN’s and YANG’s in the substance and details of your life? I’m still figuring mine out. But I’m learning.

I do my best to distinguish things that are relevant from things that are not. Different does not mean inferior. Different does not mean irrelevant. Sometimes, those things that are different are needed in order to bring balance to life, love and relationships. The balance in life is to accept that difference exists and appreciate that fundamentally different things will never be the same. We can resolve this potential conflict by accepting the fact that some things were never supposed to be the same, and thank GOD for that.


Peace and Love,

nosthegametoo

I want to join this crime fighting group. It is on D_Unite.

Name: NBNA (NO Bulshit, NO Asshole)

Pimp Name: RUB (Ridding U Babe)

Weapon: (hand gun) Foreing Accent, Bottle of Jack Daniel,Vodka









Attack Method: Collect & Divide then Destroy. She diveretes your attention by sexual appeal . Her sexy accent and exotic look activates all your sexual fantacies while she is finding key information to carry out mission.

Outfit: Sexy black outfit to keep myslef diguised. I have undershirt which says infront: “I kill what I fuck” back it says “I fuck what I kill”

Here we go Daniella.... I am starting my holy week LMAO

WHEN WOMAN SAYS "I SEE YOU DIFFERENTLY"

U BETTER BELIEVE IT

She means it!!!! :)

CRAPPY Relationship Therory
You are about to meet your new date. Adrenaline rushed thru your vein. Your heart is pounding, you checked your look couple times be4 you left home. Your shirt looks good on you.Checking your make up in your car mirror then double check whether you have lipstick on your teeth. You made sure you put the best cloth you have, took a shower, straightened you hair, (if you are a black girl I am sure you got your hair done. For the side note: I LOVE THE WAY YOU GUYS DO YOUR HAIR). You have done everything perfect but one thing. If you want to know what is wrong keep reading.

YESSSSSSS, here the guy of your dreams: Mine physically would look like this but not important now. He is tall, muscular, dark complexion, has perfect haircut (nice neatly kept braids would be just OK), dressed stylish and beautiful smile in his face. My eyes quickly checked his shoes right away because I do not mess with a man who does not know how to keep his shoes and teeth clean. Man's shoes tell a lot about him. It never failed me :D What a combination (teeth and shoes). Go figure. (Insert your perfect date. If you a guy picture a gal of your dream just standing couple steps away and waiting. ) He opens the door for you and ummmm smells million bucks. (For guys she is polite and lets you do your own macho thing such as opening door for her, letting her order before you. You guys know how that goes, right? For a guys all that I described for both genders applies)

You start talking and there is perfect chemistry . You exchange numbers with the hope you going to see each other again. Gals start thinking oh, awww he is so fine, we are going to be together. Guys think “hmmm how good is she in the bed? Oh even better, how soon I get get into her panties” Hey maybe not .. How am I supposed to know? If I knew what man think I would not be a love preacher, right?

However, one thing is very common for both genders. We see 2 people in one physical body. Come on my gal friends let’s admit publicly that when we meet a man we see him and then we see a guy in him that we dreamt of. Oh snaps, Wake Up!!!! Ur perfect relationship which was about to start is going to end. Because you have to see 3 person in him or just 1 person.

Ok formula goes this way (depending on your personality type):

Personality I (less romantic gals or gals who have been hurt more than 2 times)

1 guy (who stands in front of you) – A guy you dreamt of + A guy who has family (strong mother sun, sister and brother relationships), friend, own hobby = Potential relationship. (Relationship may not be what you wanted. If you do not know what I am talking about read my previous posting “Relationship vs Love”)

Personality II (more romantic, love dovey type gals who is ready to get hurt more. Unless she is lucky)

1 guy (who stands in front of you)+ a guy of your dreamt of (or you going to make out of him) + a guy who has family , friend, own hobby = Potential relationship

Personality III (The ones who does not learn from pass experinces. Gets hurt over and over again. Ding ding... time to change)

1 guy (who stands in front of you)+ a guy of your dreamt of (or you going to make out of him) = No potential at all.

If you know what you want from relationship then you have to tell the person hey U beautiful monster, I am looking this and that (but pls do not do it after first or 5th dates. At least wait 3 month or 6 month or so. You got to feel the vibe airght?). What do you want out of this? If your wants and his wants do not match then do yourself a big service -walk out of that beautiful monster because you are about to be funcked in your heart.

My gal friends you will never ever can change a man unless he wants too. Dudes, it is sad to accept , you guys have more chance to change a woman than a woman change you. But some of us will not move an inch for a man.

Lesson to learn : “NEVER ENTER NO RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR OWN PERCEPTION AND RULES. ” Scrape off all the rules MAMA told you. It is 21 century and ppl have new dating rules. For some reason one old wisdom works better for all times- you keep your legs tied close. When time comes you can open it. This piece of advice easy to say hard to do. But real man should know we are all adults. NO more highschool's 6 month wait period stuff ... what did i say??? A real man?? Where are they ??? If you find one halla. For now it works better when legs are closed... If I come up better solution I will let ya know because I love ya all with bottom , top and middle of my heart...


Love ya all,
Love preacher

THE PILLARS OF A RELATIONSHIP:

SACRIFICE

Since we live in a world that is sometimes broken down into dollars and cents, I thought I would begin by recognizing the most fundamental and basic principle of economics: “There are no free lunches.” Everything in life has a cost to it. It might not be cash or capital, it might be an opportunity cost (the cost of your choice when weighed against the loss of your next best option). But nevertheless, nothing is free. That includes love and relationships much more than we want to think.

Recently, I’ve been thinking about the “no free lunch” theory and I wonder how often our conception of a relationship rests on the notion of what’s in it for ME, ME, MEEEEE!!!! A successful, stable and all around functioning relationship is far greater than wealth. Wealth comes and goes, a rewarding relationship will last your entire life, and maybe longer if you touch people's lives. But are you willing to pay for it?

How does this pertain to men and women’s misunderstandings of each other?

Well… I’ve found that most people THINK they’ve found strength from their “you can’t tell me a thing,” attitude. I think people often foolishly believe that we are all such individuals that many of the interactions other people have to deal with don’t exist in our world. I’ve found that people really aren’t so different, maybe they are in the details, but overall, people are doing the same things with a slightly different twist; and I do emphasize SLIGHTLY DIFFERENT twist.

It’s important to know that for the creation AND maintenance of a successful and functioning relationship, there are certain things that really aren’t up for negotiation. There may be varying degrees, and possible debate concerning the level of abundance of certain “fundamentals,” but nonetheless, they have to exist. These pillars are the timeless foundations of relationships.

In economic terms, think of “capitalism.” In his most recent book, the world-renown Peruvian economist, Hernando De Soto, wrote: “Capitalism stands alone as the only feasible way to rationally organize a modern economy. At this moment in history, no responsible nation has a choice.” Comparatively speaking, in the context of a relationship, no rationale, responsible or reasonable person can believe that a meaningful relationship can exist without... SACRIFICE.

But to what extent do we sacrifice? I think the ultimate goal is not our willingness to sacrifice, but to find someone who is willing and able to sacrifice to the same degree. Now, that doesn’t mean that our sacrifices must be MATERIALLY equal (and by that, I’m not exclusively referring to the goods/services we can provide). Often it will be impossible for both partners to contribute equally in that manner. However, sacrifice is a matter of making reasonable concessions. This should be mutual. And it’s something both parties can do.

On the other hand, I still try to keep in mind the words of the First-Century Hebrew sage, Rabbi Hillel: “If I am not for myself, who is for me? But if I am for my own self only, what am I?”

Sacrifice is something that is REASONABLE. It must be understood: I’M NOT SPEAKING OF SACRIFICING YOUR SOUL FOR THE BENEFIT OF SOMEONE ELSE. OBVIOUSLY, THAT IS NOT REASONABLE. Besides, a relationship like that is doomed to either failure or perhaps worse, unbearable success (i.e., a lifeless marriage, or parasitic friendship).

One thing that does not have to be sacrificed is our own self-interest. It is good to act to the benefit of ourselves. The more we grow in life: spiritually, financially, philosophically, and so on, the more we can help those around us grow.

The great pitfall is to look a bit deeper in ourselves and to find out if our concept of “self-interest” is really ego wrapped in selfishness. Selfishness is NOT self-interest, although we often make excuses for our selfishness so that we can justify it as though it were.

Ultimately, I think the first sacrificial offering we can make at the great alter of our relationships is our selfishness.

Peace and Love,

nosthegametoo

Relationship vs Love

One of the commentators made a comment on the previous post that relationship is what you make out of it. I would agree some of it but there is a major flaw in it. Relationship involves two people and it is the product what two people put into it. We cannot tell anybody: Yo, u know what? It is what YOU put in it.

You can put, all you want in relationship but still get nothing out of it. Relationship is what INVOLVED people make out of it. Most of us see relationship from one person’s perspective and we all do a good job at it. Well, when I say relationship I include all kind of adult relationships. I am not going to LIST all the details of relationships but I will touch upon on the next post.

Most of us worry too much about the nature of relationship instead of terms of relationship. I think all relationships are verbal contract between two people and terms are need to be agreed upon. Please note here that love and relationship is different concept. Difference between two might not exist in poems but it is well grounded in our society.

Yes, people can be in relationship but not in love. Or be in love but not in relationship. (Uuuwweee I found .. the reason why most love hurts) The confusion of two makes horrible emotional situation for a person regardless of gender.

Most of us think we are in love but actually we are in relationship. Have you ever heard some people are just together because they are used to each other and conformable being around each other. On other hand some people love each other dearly but still do the things that can potentially to hurt loved one. Ideal situation is where love and relationship meet each other.

So it is time to think are you in relationship or your are in love?

Ideally I would like to have combination but... In reality, I would be just OK if I was in relationship where I can be part of term-making process. Then I would like an involved person to be communicative, attentive my needs or simple can be there when I need him. In return I would do the same things for him.

Love Preacher,

No_the_game

THE PILLARS OF A RELATIONSHIP: CONSIDERATION

It’s nice to be back in the Windy City. I’m back in town, and since I have spent a lot of time with older and wiser men and women, I thought I would begin my post with a bit of ancient wisdom.

In Islam, there are five pillars which hold up the foundation of the faith. Roughly in English, they are:

I. WITNESSING: (SHAHADA) THERE IS NO GOD BUT GOD, AND MUHAMMAD IS HIS MESSENGER
II. PRAYER: (SALAH)
III. OBLIGATORY CHARITY: (ZAKAH)
IV. FASTING: (SAWM)
V. THE PILGRIMAGE: (HAJJ)

Recently, I’ve been thinking more and more about the pillars of a relationship when it comes to dealing with our mates. I think we can save ourselves a whole lot of grief by keeping some of our wild and childish expectations to a minimum, and focusing on the important pillars that support our relationships.

How does this pertain to men and women’s misunderstandings of each other?

Well… normally, when I think of the important things necessary to maintain a working relationship, I think of the “non-negotiables.” By “non-negotiable” I usually mean the choices in a mate that we make which are indispensable to the establishment of a life with our significant other. I mean the things we are absolutely not willing to compromise. Although many of those are the things we WANT … I’m under the allusion that they should be based on the things we NEED.

However, when I really think to the things that matter in a relationship, be it: platonic, romantic, friendly or otherwise, I feel like there are fundamental pillars that must exist in order to hold up the foundation of the relationship.

FOR INSTANCE: CONSIDERATION

From one end of the spectrum, I can think of several women in my dating life who must have never HEARD of the concept of being considerate. These women generally thought only of themselves, regardless of what the consequences of their actions might be. I suppose they were used to “dishing it out,” but in the long-run, none of them could take the same inconsiderate attitude they always dished out. It’s down right interesting.

How about this for an example: I once had a woman say to me, “I won’t do [this, that or the other thing], because a man’s pleasure should come from pleasing a woman.” But the most interesting part is that she DEMANDED all of the things she would not do. She even thought they should be part of her daily dose of pampering. I’m not paraphrasing that either, she said that in the context of a genuine dating relationship.

On the other end of the spectrum, I can think of my own hard-headedness. In one particular circumstance, I waited to disclose some information that should have been discussed earlier, until I was upset. After I was mad, then I spit it all out. Just to emphasize, I’m NOT talking about infidelity. This caused a whole heap of problems. Doesn’t take a rocket scientist to see that coming, does it?

Now, let’s be serious. I’M NOT TALKING ABOUT STEPPING ON EGGSHELLS ALL DAY LONG OR KISSING SOMEONE’S BEHIND. I really really hate it when people take a reasonable discussion to the extreme and use all or nothing examples to avoid thinking about the topic. I’m talking about taking someone else’s REASONABLE thoughts into mind before you act. I will concede that sometimes our demands on one another are not resasonable, but: I'm talking about REASONABLE boundaries of respect. I'll have to spend more time in the not too distant future talking about a more precise definition for "reasonable boundaries."

All forms of relationships are meetings of the minds. That means there are two or more minds that have to reconcile their thoughts, emotions and various idiosyncrasies in order to sustain a viable and functioning relationship. And as we all know, as we get older, we become more and more stubborn and unwilling to deviate from our long-developed personality quirks.

Most of us have a million excuses and thousands of reasons why it’s ok for us to get defensive about our thoughtless actions or inconsiderate behavior. But in the end, I would bet that a little bit of consideration would prevent a whole lot of grief. WE CAN AVOID THE PITFALLS OF A FAULTY FOUNDATION BY ESTABLISHING CONSIDERATION AS ONE OF THE IMPORTANT PILLARS OF OUR RELATIONSHIP .

Like the old folks say: "An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure."

Peace and Love,

nosthegametoo

LOVE WITH PATIENCE

Every day is a lesson. I was running in a beautiful Forest Park (I have been told Forest Park is older then Central park but a pit smaller) yesterday. Forest Park is truly beautiful if you ever come to STL/Lou’ (that is the way we call Saint Louis) you got to check this park. If you into running or roller-skating you CANNOT miss the opportunity. It was my routine 7 miles running and it was hot outside. I generally do not run in the heat. But yesterday, I really wanted sunlights dance on my skin. I wanted SUN to warm my heart.

Running is my distresser. So, I charged my Ipod (over 100 music) and started my running with Ludacris “Move bitch” song. The second song was Punjabi MC Feat with Jay Z. When third song came on I was listening but not to music. I was listening to the soul inside of me. My mind was wondering how people love and how many forms of love are out there : Passionate love, love with patient, love with a lot of expectation, love for sake of love, platonic love, desperate love, love with demand, love with commitment and etc. At the end we all love only the way we know how. I am only going to write about love with patience. It is the only form of love I can afford to have (in given circumstances) or give to somebody.

I also would call love with patience letting things to take place naturally. At the end, most forms of love require if not demand patience. Patience in everything reveals real nature of feelings. When you love with patience you know that it might not give the result that was expected. At the same time it prepares one to expect worse. When you love with patience you do not create an internal conflict within you soul. Love with patience is the hardest and rewarding I think. Oh well, may not be rewarding but it is the type of love it gives you inner peace. You just take things slow and see what is out there.

It is hard to love patiently when you want somebody badly in your life. That being said, we want too many things in life such as a nice car, a beautiful house, a great vacation but most of us do not get those. 9 out of 10 we do not get obsessed about them either. Then why cannot we apply the same philosophy to a romantic department? I think it is all about practice. What do you think?

With Love,

Nothegame

P.S Today is 9/11 and we should not forget this day. God Bless America.

I am pretty.. So pretty. No wonder if i were man I would also be intimidated by my look. My look gives a message:"Try to talk to me I will outsmart you LOL"

LOVE OR FEAR?

I was in a funny situation today. I almost wanted to smash my cell phone on somebody’s head. Have you ever heard the phrase knucklehead? Yeah that guy is a knucklehead beside trying to be a really jerk. I was in a meeting from 4 to 8 pm. (Most of it was just yapping. I understand why most kids come out from schools with no education what so ever or very little education) I was assigned to be a liaison between one of local non-profit organization and school district. Someone else also was assigned to the same district. It was logical to ask that person's contact information to keep in contact and prepare our agenda together. When I asked his contacts he made a silly comment in front of everybody: The number I am giving to you is my office number. I have a wife and kids. Then he made face if his wife knows she will kill him. Everybody around laughed. First, I thought what an unnecessary comment. Then I felt bad for him. I do not think he said that out of respect to his wife. He said that because he wants to avoid a screaming and yelling in his house. He was scared. I am sure he was scared.

It almost forced me to think what kind of life he has in his house. Is there any trust in his family? Does he have personal life? What kind of background does he come from? I mean it. I think most people loose their independency when they get involved in someone else or get married. Why people are so possessive? I am wondering if his wife has any self-esteem and confidence. If somebody is paranoid about his/her significant other talking to opposite sex I am feeling sorry for him/her.

I guess most people think jealousy; paranoia is the sign of love. Maybe for him it is. I do not know. Is there anybody out there think jealousy or paranoia a good thing? For now I made sure I deleted that gentleman’s number and have decided if I need to communicate with him I will do through organization’s staff.

I am so glad I do not have that kind of people in my life and I do not encounter to that type of people daily basis? What an awful situation to be. As long as he is happy in that life I am happy for him

Now it is nap time,

Nothegame

WHAT LOVE MEANT TO BE

Complication is not new to me. I have spent my childhood in complication and tried to figure out why everyone’s mother was younger than mine. Then later I found out an answer to the question. She was my grandmother not biological mother. Then I become defensive when someone asked me how was my mother. Anyways, all that is a differnt topic.

Life is complicated as it is. Therefore no need to creat new complications. Nowadays, most of us do outself disservice when we try to live in the fantasyland. Looking into eyes of reality is far better. It keeps your emotions on check.

Not long time ago I was explaining the meaning of love. The word LOVE is overestimated. When we say Love we think faster beating hearts, hearing somebody is playing perfect masterpiece on guitar. Someone feels lifted because s/he is loved. People's heartstrings starts playing their favorite songs. (As long as it is not punk pop or hard rock :)

Ho ho ho , uuuuu lalala, Momma MIAAAA You are in love. Lets the world watch you: Do you feel jumping from one cloud to another? You cannot wait to see him/her. It feels world is ending when you do not see him/her. (Believe me the world is going nowhere)

On other hand reality is screaming "WAKE UP FOOL!!! You are alive and still living on mother earth. You have not entered Heaven yet." Maybe there you can find something like that. Nothing is perfect. I wished all humans could feel the way I described and still feel happy. No do not funk with your heart. Love is not those feelings that they talk in poems. That kind of love puts end to marriages before you know it. Love should be actionable rather than JUST a feeling. When LOVE is not based on action that is when is gets stinky and hurtful. Why to call something LOVE when you do not see in action. I think there is need to invent a new word for LOVE. Because everybody uses the word so much it has lost its meaning.

Love should be like a house where the foundation of it should be trust or ability to give a chance to each other to earn it (under no circumstances it should not be guaranteed, only it should be earned). The 4 walls should be:
1 = Respect for each other
2 = Ability to respect each others privacy (Do not get obsessive because she caries your ring or dates you exclusively)
3 = Caring about each other feelings
4 = Understanding

The roof should be combination of constant communication and sharing feelings; taking time for each other, making other person feel special and never ever taking each other guaranteed in life.

I hope I do not sound an old lady... Hey if I do I do not care. I prefur to be an old lady than a crazy gal who gets hurt over and over again.

All the best,

Sleepy_Nothegame

EVERYBODY PLAYS THE FOOL

In 1972, the group The Main Ingredient reached #3 on the music charts with the hit, “Everybody Plays the Fool.” I grew up listening to what’s now referred to as “classic soul,” and I still have a particular fondness for how simply so many of those songs convey the most complex emotions. For instance, Rudy Clark, Kenny Williams & Jim Bailey, the three men credited with writing, “Everybody Plays the Fool,” gave us these words:

Everybody plays the fool sometime; There's no exception to the rule. Listen, baby, it may be factual, may be cruel, I ain't lying, everybody plays the fool. Falling in love is such an easy thing to do, And there's no guarantee that the one you love is gonna love you.

How does this pertain to men and women’s misunderstandings of each other?

Well… Since I’ve been “back home” and away from Chicago, I’ve been thinking about the seriousness of life, and what makes a fool. Most importantly, I’ve been wondering whether or not I’ve been a fool in the romantic department. I’m asking myself if I’ve wasted my time waiting, wondering, imagining or living in a fantasy-land when it comes to my relationships. These don’t seem like good things. These things haven’t worked in the past, present, and probably won’t work in the future. They don’t seem to bring to me the substance I want.

A wonderful mentor of mine often waves off the unnecessary and detrimental in life by saying: “I don’t fool with that.” He’s one of the wisest men I’ve EVER known, and at 80+ years old, he knows what he’s talking about when he speaks.

Those simple words have had a tremendous impact on me since I’ve had the wonderful opportunity to know this wise old man. So many times, when we’re young, we think strength comes from hard-headedness. The “you can’t tell me nothing” mentality. I think this misunderstanding of strength and power comes from our tendency to be self-centered and to believe that “I’ve been through so much,” or “you don’t know what I’ve been through.” Truth is: there are a whole lot of other people in this world who have been through our hardships and worse, and with open ears and a closed mouth, we can learn a lot from them. But then again, you can’t tell anybody a thing these days. And believe me, reflecting back on my life, I’m figuring out exactly where I should have listened and I’m adjusting my life accordingly.

What comes to mind is an experience that I had on the train to visit my parents (I do my best to avoid driving as much as possible. I don’t know why I even have a car). While wrestling with my bags in the back of the train, I decided to change cars so that I would have a plug for my laptop.

While wrestling with my bags, I noticed an extremely attractive woman. My choice was to either sit next to her or this mean-looking fat old man. It wasn’t much of a dilemma. She was from Dallas and lives in Dallas, and from the moment I sat down, till her stop 4 hours later, we talked non-stop. Toward the end of the conversation, she removed the ring she was wearing on the wrong finger and slipped it back on the hand that signifies she is married. We joked, and she told me that she should look me up during her layover in Chicago on the way back. I laughed and told her how close I was, and she suggested to me that we have lunch and meet up.

Since I have been home, she called once and text messaged me once. I told my mother the situation, and she asked me: “what’s the purpose?” “Do you really want to be a part of some silly game to get back at her husband?” The woman told me just before her stop she was unhappily married for a couple of years at the age of 24.

She called this morning when she arrived in Chicago, but I wasn’t there. I decided to spend an extra day with my family. Some people might ask themselves what they might have missed by not being completely “open-minded” to all situations that arise. And to an extent there may be some truth in that. She was attractive, intelligent, humorous and interesting. But she was also married.

Life is about choices. Did I miss out on anything? Depends on what one might mean by “anything.” But did I miss out on anything worth my time? The chances are no. My father agrees, and my brother just laughed at the prospect of my foolishness. I can even hear my great mentor saying: “why you wanna fool with a situation like that?”

All of them are right. And whether or not I was away or in Chicago, I wouldn’t have met her. What’s the point of meeting someone in a potentially romantic fashion who adds no value to your life, and entering a relationship that can be nothing more than a stressful minute? If your answer is FUN, that’s fine. But I’ve had my “fun,” and I've had enough of it on that level.

Bottom line for me is this: the dating pool sucks. And the viable dating pool is shallow as can be. I’m seriously considering stepping out of the pool and drying off for several years. In my personal experience, that’s the only time I’ve ever found someone to take a dip with anyway.

Lately, I’m thinking it’s time to get more serious about myself and to stop fooling with things that are not serious. When it comes to people, there is no “second-half.” We’re supposed to find someone who compliments the best in us, not someone who completes us. Maybe I’ve been looking for a missing piece in myself. Who knows.

Peace and Love,

nosthegametoo.

Dangerously in love or obsessed with love?

I am really having blast after my graduation and looking for jobs. I think finding a job is also kind game. It is a game that has its own rules such as discrimination, alienation, favoritism, overqualified or under qualified BS ing etc..

Uh oh … am I complaining. Naw not at all. Yeah I almost forgot it is not my professional whining blog it is my romantic whining blog. Uhh sounds awful… Am I a whining person?? Got to pay attention to it too.

Yes, I am writing about love and romance. Today I received phone calls from people I would least expect. I do not know why they are calling but they all were saying something nice about me. I am wondering if they are calling to hook up or just trying to be thankful. Who knows? I just talked both of them less than 5 min and made sure they know I am busy. Which I was. Yeahhhh it is a progress. But I realized one thing, my mind did not start anaylizing why they are calling as it used to. I used to try to analyze why this and that is being said . What he meant when he said this and that. It was really nice. One of them wanted to take me out with him. When he told me that I felt appreciative and thanked him for thinking to take me with him. That is it. No further thoughts were given to that conversation at all. I truely appreciate the thought. It was nice of him. That is my Baby Boy :)

GOD, I am so happy I can do it again. I am appreciating that I am getting more mature day by day and enjoying myself. I realized that most people are not dangerously in love , we are just OBSESSED with LOVE. At leat what I think. I have never been (maybe once dangerously in love- first love ) rest of the time I was a big time obsessed in love. I just wanted to love and be loved so badly. What to do I am touchy feelly person. So what?? Life is so nice when you just can flip pages of your life and be appreciate for the people you met.

“Everybody can teach us something. If person has nothing to offer that person can teach us how not to be like him/her” (it is my own thoughts and it is copyrighted. please do not use it unless you give me credit for it when you use it)

WHAT'S SERIOUS?

I have had the great fortune of spending this Labor Day weekend with my family. Sometimes it’s nice to get out of Chicago and spend some time away. Since I’ve been home sleeping in my childhood bed and spending time with my family, I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about what I’m serious about in life. Life is a serious endeavor. Now, I don’t think that means life isn’t fun. I think a whole lot of people misunderstand the meaning of the word “serious.” I think most people misunderstand the word to mean something closer to “boring.” But to me, life is about: choices, consequences and relationships (platonic, business, romantic and otherwise). And in those, there is a great deal of beauty and a whole lot of heart-breaking ugliness.

How does this pertain to men and women’s misunderstandings of each other?

Well… In my personal experience, I’ve found that one of the greatest sources of friction between men and women come from their differing conceptions of what each is “serious” about in their relationship (the daily, intimate and future-planning aspects alike). The source of this friction and confusion seems to come from a misunderstanding of the importance of how serious our lives and relationships are.

Since I have been home, I have had the opportunity to spend a lot of important time with one of the wisest men in my life: my father. Now, it’s more than simple childhood hero-worship of the old guy (well…he’s not that old). My father/mother/brother, along with several other men/women in my life, have been directly responsible for the inspiration that has led to a great deal of the successes in my life. In life, I have been blessed to have wise people around me.

Today, I spent time with an Uncle of mine who hasn’t been doing too well lately. He’s not a young man and I’m really hoping that I’ll get to have another Christmas with him. I have a lot of memories and anecdotal stories of him…he’s definitely one of a kind, and without a doubt still one of the coolest men I’ve ever met. The man has style, and he's had STYLE and SUBSTANCE all his life. It's rare to come across someone with both in this life.

So… how does this pertain to men and women’s misunderstandings of each other?

After spending time with my family, I’m once again asking myself what I’m most serious about in life, my choices, and the relationships I choose to maintain. I’ve been fortunate enough to see a little piece of the world, and establish serious and long-term relationships with people who are very much different from me. However, every single person in my life that I keep close to me is a person of SUBSTANCE. I’ll elaborate on “substance” in the not too distant future, but for now I’ll leave it at that.

Ultimately, coming home and talking to some of the old people in my family has made me think about being serious. Too often people in general, and I in particular, clutter their minds and lives with a whole mess of non-sense that brings no POSITIVE SUBSTANCE to our lives. I’m working to eliminate as much unnecessary clutter as possible. It’s something that I have become more serious about.

I’m not talking about forgetting all the details, or ignoring the aesthetic pleasures of life. Some of life’s details enhance our understanding of life itself, and bring a measure of personal pleasure.

There’s nothing wrong with personal pleasure. I know I enjoy personal pleasure. I’m talking about staying focused on things that are important. Images are simply tools to dazzle the eyes of fools. And often, we see others in the form of images, because we are serious about possessing something that seems to reflect our imagination. But truth be told, I’m not particularly serious about being a fool these days.

Peace and Love,

nosthegametoo

It seems like last couple days I have been out and about. Thursday I was in a good underground Hip Hop Club that STL can offer. Friday I was in Russian house party. Saturday, I was doing something. I am sure I was not at home. Sunday, yesterday I went to club. I was a designated driver. I was give a ride my friend and her new boyfriend. Since I gave up drinking I get the driver seat always. I was there and by myself- Meaning no date. Everybody came as couples. So what? Right? I am so happy to announce: I am happy again being myself. I remember I used to travel all over the world by myself and enjoy it. (I have been 35 countries, 5 continent and lived in 4 continent) I am proud of it but I am poor because of it materially. Emotionally it is priceless and I am more round up person than most of the people.

Anyways, last night people watching were amazing. I finally confirmed that most people just out there and crazy. Last night my mind was everywhere but in that club. LOL My mind was wondering how I can start my own business and become my own boss. How I am going to control my kids if I will have one. I also was telling myself I should get a good camera to take with me everywhere. I might start online TV. Hey you never know. Club was mixed crowd: poor, rich, white, black, Asian, young, old, good dancers and bad dancers, skinny gals and fat gals. Oh boy, all was shaking. Awww those asses and tiny skirts. (I do not know who sings the song "Back that ass up" mmm mmmm. I know now why most ppl have STDs) I mean ppl were not dancing they were stripping for free. What a life style most ppl have!!! Awesome... perfecto.. as long as a half naked, but open gal is not me, my little sister or my mom. Ohhh sweaty ppl. ( Rule #1 Pls take a shower before going to clubs) Weed smoking, gay kissing, PIMPing, One night stand seekers night. You know what? Most of the gals are so pretty but they looked a monster too me. Hey hey do not think I am lezbo now. I appreciate beauty.

The entire time I was wondering if there were any people with substance in that CLUB. I am sure there were some. Pls, do not get me wrong. I am not conservative at all. I am just not OK ass shaking, tong showing, dick rubbing dance style. Hey who am I at the end to judge people. Only thing I learn from my yesterday lesson is the followings:

1. I am back and I am happy. I enjoy myself.. I loved to be walking around watching people. I am back my days when I used to walk streets of Paris kicking around empty beer bottles. I am back GOD I am back. I am happy. I did not feel bad I have nobody with me. It is priceless for me. … Can everybody hear I am back.. I knew I am back when I went to John Legend concert by myself. And I felt absolutely happy. But I was not sure. I know now I will be able just go out and hang out..

2. I realized thatwhy there are many poor people than rich people. Answer is simple: MOST PEOPLE ARE JUST PEOPLE … THEY HAVE NOTHING EXTRAORDINARY. How on the world people remember every single line in any given song ..??? Truely amazing!!!
Last night I learn one thing about myself. I actually should have said I appreciate one thing about me. I am so damn lucky that I am picky. PICKY is a good thing. I would not be happy if I was not a picky person. I am so glad I am not questioning if something is wrong with me. It is not me it is surrounding that sucks. What is the benefit of being an ordinary crazy person?

3. In the club a big screen TV were displaying a massage. “UR HELP IS NEED FOR KATRINA VICTIMS. PLS DONATE MONEY AT THE BAR OR AT THE PRONT DESK” As nerdy as I am I asked bartenders if they got any donations. Hmm do you know what? The answer is NONE. There were 500 + people in the club. They were all drunk. To get that drunk one at least to get 2 or 3 strong drinks. (the cost avarages $20+ )We are great patriots. They all could skip a drink and donate the money to the fund. Horrayyyy we are all patriots. I am going to put an article about Katrina on my political website soon http://www.confusedcitizen.com/

For now I am off going to eat some BBQ and sing GOD BLESS AMERICA .. I love AMERICA!!! SUCH A BEATIFUL COUNTRY

Happy Labor Day,

Nothegame

THE STYLISH-LIFE?

In a lot of instances, I think our initial search for a mate is backward. Of course images catch the eye, but what about life-style?

When we first have our initial attraction to someone, the manner they present themselves has a big influence on us. Everybody wants to believe: “I don’t care about THINGS.” Nobody wants to believe they are easily impressed. I suppose we think it’s a sign of weakness, and we would like to believe that we are stronger than that. But we all find certain details of life alluring, and when we do, we are impressed. Why are most of us inclined to believe that it takes a great deal for someone to leave an “impression” on us? It's not that difficult to have a favorable opinion of someone or something in which we already have an interest. Often our potential Senorita or Romeo strikes a cord with us not because they spend money or even boast of some specific talent, but because we take an interest in their life-style.

How does this pertain to men and women’s misunderstandings of each other?

Well… when we are seduced by someone’s life-style, it’s easy to be fooled. I think in modern contemporary circles, the term “life-style” is characterized much more about “style” than it is about “life.” Style is ever-evolving and highly subjective, while life as a whole is an endeavor of far more permanance and importance. But it’s really exciting to think that you’ve found a “partner in crime,” so to speak. I know from my point of view, I have my own difficulties finding someone who genuinely already has an interest in the things that I find most exciting. Sometimes it is good to teach someone we meet, but there is often a greater attraction to someone who is already familiar, or better yet, well-versed in something you find interesting and fun.

It’s tough when we are considering someone else’s “life-style” patterns and whether or not they are compatible with our own. We have to ask ourselves “how important is ‘life-style’ in choosing a mate?” I ask that not because I think it’s irrelevant, but because I wonder how much relevance is appropriate to place on it. I don’t think most of us have to make a choice between these sort of broad and extreme generalizations: a super-model (men)/millionaire (women) vs. an old hag (depressed men)/homeless man (depressed women). People often toss out these kinds of ridiculous extremes to avoid analyzing their choices in a mate. As if extremes like these are the only viable choices in life.

I think many of us seek people in a way that is as backward as the way we follow the term “life-style,” or maybe I should say “stylish-life,” which seems to be a bit more appropriate. I think this also coincides with our misinterpretations of images as well. A “life-style,” or “stylish-life,” can also be a false image.

The misunderstanding comes from the way we approach finding someone with an attractive “stylish-life.” In my own experience, and through the experiences of those close to me, I have seen people attempt to find compatibility in style, and then after that, they’ll try to find the important things necessary to make a happy life in their new “stylish” friend. I think the problem comes when we elevate style to the importance of finding someone who can live a compatible life in a relationship. Style is merely a detail in life. Style should be a compliment to the important things in life. It should be more of an added bonus than a measuring stick.

I think we can avoid a lot of problems in our relationships by establishing for ourselves and from the beginning the important things that are non-negotiable. People have a tendency to see themselves in others. That gives way to a false impression of our potential partner which is totally artificial and self-created. The things that are really important should be your fundamental non-negotiables. Think, respect, family oriented, compassionate, responsible … and so on. It’s dangerous to read these qualities in someone in a backward fashion, especially one based on image.

The toughest part about reading yourself or your stylish-life into someone else is that your potential mate is not at fault. Although it’s best to try to convey ourselves in the most transparent manner possible, we cannot always be responsible for our friend or partner’s misconception of us. Nor can our partner or friends always be responsible for our misconception of them. Especially when we are judging them on how we THINK they are living their lives.

Ultimately, I think it’s best to keep things as basic as possible. Trying to find a partner based on the intricacies of our various proclivities is more than likely a messy and unrealistic proposition. There are plenty of complications in this world. Why would we want to make life any harder by choosing a mate based on an allure that will definitely fade in time?

Peace and Love,

nosthegametoo

The foundation of my life used to be built on illusions when I was young. When I was teenager I built wrong walls on bad foundation to keep my roof over my head. I decorated my roof so fancy and attractive that I started to believe my illusion-based foundation is fixed. Now I am 26 going to be 27 soon I feel there is a need to scratch everything and start over again, especially my romantic life. My roof is leaking badly. It is letting all rain snow and storm to find its way to my rusted heart.

I learned something today. It is in Latin : Festina Lente which means Hurry and Wait.

Best,

Nothegame

I am extremely upset today because I received an email from my ex who was first love and he is married now and has a son. Why on the world he would want to contact me telling me he is passing by house we used to rent and live. That evoked a wonderful memories that he wanted to share. He is the person who cut all contacts with me no reason what so ever and got married in 6 month.

I am not upset what he did but I am upset because 3 and half years passed already. He still has a negative impact on me. By saying he has a negative impact on me I am trying to take blame off my shoulders. I should have said I am still allowing him to impact me negatively.

Since I was upset, I had to do something to make myself to think something else. I run 7 miles and went to the gym lifted heavy weights. I did all this because I wanted to make myself physically tired so I will not think anything. When I came home I was physically exhausted but my brain was wondering.

I decided to take myself out for a while. I hit the club where they play underground HIP-HOP. As soon as I got here I started sipping my favorite Tequila – Curason (spelling might be wrong). It never helps anyways. The only thing it does for me is that on my way home I pray GOD that police will not catch me and issue DWI. I promise myself from today I will not drink and drive . It puts peoples lives in danger.

Now I am back home and still feeling sh**. All my life I hated one thing- when people did not answer my questions. That monster never told me why did he do the things he did. Why he did not give me answers. It is not fair… It is selfish… and cruel.

I am wondering if it is normal to feel this way… after so many years?

I am wondering if it is part of fixing broken heart?

All the best,

Nothegame

P.S He is not the best looking guy I ever dated. I have meet guys who were million times better looking than him. I know it is not love. Love is mutual understanding. I never had that with him. Back in time if somebody asked me if I loved him I would say yes. My answer to that question is NO now. Because I understand more about love now then I have ever did.

LOVE.. INTERACT... UNCONDITIONAL ...

There is not such a thing unconditional love. Everything has conditions. Sometimes it is easily understood, sometimes it is just hard to understand. Not long time ago someone asked me if I was loved unconditionally. I do not think so. At the same time I do not believe there is such a thing. If I am wrong life will prove me otherwise. Maybe initially people love unconditionally somebody or something but eventually conditions come to the picture. We, humans, just wired that way. We can not give w/out taking something back. Maybe some of us are able to give more than recieve but eventually we all want something back. Maybe respect, understanding, companionship, etc. But we do expect something back.

I believe we cannot love anything unconditionally that moves around, breath and interact with us. The word INTERACT is a key here. There are many things we can love if it does not interact.

Will you love your dog if s/he attacks people or even worse your child? Will you love your TV if it takes you everyday 5 minutes to turn it on? Will parents love their child at the same level unconditionally who always break things around the house and causes trouble? I do not think so. I am not saying parents will not love that child but if we ask a question to that child if s/he thinks his or her parents love them the most of the time the answer is NO. Not because parents do not love but because they do not show same level of love to their trouble child. Sometime they do love that child but they do not show it. Then question what good does that love do to the child if it is not felt . Love meant to be expressed and felt. If it is not felt then it is not there.

If parents can not love their own child unconditionally then why on the world I should convince myself that some DUDE will love me that way? Beside that if I cannot love myself unconditionally then why I should expect from anybody?

I think nowadays most of us forget how to love ourselves then we look around to find somebody to love us. I look at it as setting myself in failure. It took me couple years to realize nobody will love me the way I want to be loved. The only way for me to get that love is to give it to myself. There are a lot of thing to be enjoyed in this world w/out anybody beside. However, I would not deny the fact that if you have somebody besides you who appreciates, respects, understands, and supports you would feel great.

If you pay attention I did not say LOVED. I think the word LOVE is overestimated. There is no such a thing LOVE. LOVE is combination of other feelings. If somebody is just feeling love, I am sure that “LOVE” is not going to last long.

With love,

Nothegame