EVERYBODY PLAYS THE FOOL

In 1972, the group The Main Ingredient reached #3 on the music charts with the hit, “Everybody Plays the Fool.” I grew up listening to what’s now referred to as “classic soul,” and I still have a particular fondness for how simply so many of those songs convey the most complex emotions. For instance, Rudy Clark, Kenny Williams & Jim Bailey, the three men credited with writing, “Everybody Plays the Fool,” gave us these words:

Everybody plays the fool sometime; There's no exception to the rule. Listen, baby, it may be factual, may be cruel, I ain't lying, everybody plays the fool. Falling in love is such an easy thing to do, And there's no guarantee that the one you love is gonna love you.

How does this pertain to men and women’s misunderstandings of each other?

Well… Since I’ve been “back home” and away from Chicago, I’ve been thinking about the seriousness of life, and what makes a fool. Most importantly, I’ve been wondering whether or not I’ve been a fool in the romantic department. I’m asking myself if I’ve wasted my time waiting, wondering, imagining or living in a fantasy-land when it comes to my relationships. These don’t seem like good things. These things haven’t worked in the past, present, and probably won’t work in the future. They don’t seem to bring to me the substance I want.

A wonderful mentor of mine often waves off the unnecessary and detrimental in life by saying: “I don’t fool with that.” He’s one of the wisest men I’ve EVER known, and at 80+ years old, he knows what he’s talking about when he speaks.

Those simple words have had a tremendous impact on me since I’ve had the wonderful opportunity to know this wise old man. So many times, when we’re young, we think strength comes from hard-headedness. The “you can’t tell me nothing” mentality. I think this misunderstanding of strength and power comes from our tendency to be self-centered and to believe that “I’ve been through so much,” or “you don’t know what I’ve been through.” Truth is: there are a whole lot of other people in this world who have been through our hardships and worse, and with open ears and a closed mouth, we can learn a lot from them. But then again, you can’t tell anybody a thing these days. And believe me, reflecting back on my life, I’m figuring out exactly where I should have listened and I’m adjusting my life accordingly.

What comes to mind is an experience that I had on the train to visit my parents (I do my best to avoid driving as much as possible. I don’t know why I even have a car). While wrestling with my bags in the back of the train, I decided to change cars so that I would have a plug for my laptop.

While wrestling with my bags, I noticed an extremely attractive woman. My choice was to either sit next to her or this mean-looking fat old man. It wasn’t much of a dilemma. She was from Dallas and lives in Dallas, and from the moment I sat down, till her stop 4 hours later, we talked non-stop. Toward the end of the conversation, she removed the ring she was wearing on the wrong finger and slipped it back on the hand that signifies she is married. We joked, and she told me that she should look me up during her layover in Chicago on the way back. I laughed and told her how close I was, and she suggested to me that we have lunch and meet up.

Since I have been home, she called once and text messaged me once. I told my mother the situation, and she asked me: “what’s the purpose?” “Do you really want to be a part of some silly game to get back at her husband?” The woman told me just before her stop she was unhappily married for a couple of years at the age of 24.

She called this morning when she arrived in Chicago, but I wasn’t there. I decided to spend an extra day with my family. Some people might ask themselves what they might have missed by not being completely “open-minded” to all situations that arise. And to an extent there may be some truth in that. She was attractive, intelligent, humorous and interesting. But she was also married.

Life is about choices. Did I miss out on anything? Depends on what one might mean by “anything.” But did I miss out on anything worth my time? The chances are no. My father agrees, and my brother just laughed at the prospect of my foolishness. I can even hear my great mentor saying: “why you wanna fool with a situation like that?”

All of them are right. And whether or not I was away or in Chicago, I wouldn’t have met her. What’s the point of meeting someone in a potentially romantic fashion who adds no value to your life, and entering a relationship that can be nothing more than a stressful minute? If your answer is FUN, that’s fine. But I’ve had my “fun,” and I've had enough of it on that level.

Bottom line for me is this: the dating pool sucks. And the viable dating pool is shallow as can be. I’m seriously considering stepping out of the pool and drying off for several years. In my personal experience, that’s the only time I’ve ever found someone to take a dip with anyway.

Lately, I’m thinking it’s time to get more serious about myself and to stop fooling with things that are not serious. When it comes to people, there is no “second-half.” We’re supposed to find someone who compliments the best in us, not someone who completes us. Maybe I’ve been looking for a missing piece in myself. Who knows.

Peace and Love,

nosthegametoo.