Addition/Correction: When I talk about attention in this article, I used attention in the context of giving attention to involved people's needs. Not in the context of gaining any attention from opposite sex. I meant if you are involved with somebody it does not matter which way it is delivered to meet your needs. The key here is NEED. Ones needs can be completely different than others.
While I was running past weekend I was thinking if genuine attention is better than attention that is being given out of courtesy in love relationships. When we get into relationship we want to get full package: respect, love, connection, undertanding and etc. I think if there is an attempt to show all that, it is satisfactory. We demand all of that too early, especially if we find the person physically attractive or find something in the person we appreciate. After almost hours trying to find answer the question I found answer relies heavily on the nature of relationship. Sometimes we do things to make people feel happy, respected or feel good. Why cannot we do the same when it comes to a man and woman relationship? Sometimes we feel offended when we think, speculate or conclude that is the case.
If you are just dating or getting to know somebody I think it should be satisfactory if a person is doing it out of courtesy or doing it to make you feel good. People just expect too much or want too much very quickly. For the matter of fact unless you are married or engaged any forms of attention should be acceptable. Let me change it. It should be acceptable in any situation. But for emotional people it might be a dry approach but it works. Because the feeling that is generated is the same regardless how that attention was paid unless one makes him/herself think otherwise. Oh, s/he does it for the sake of being polite… How pathetic!!!
However, it should be more genuine when one is married or engaged under the assumption that person really cares and loves the person they married or engaged. Attention, respect is provoked by the deeper feelings, at least that what I think. When you love deeply attention, respect comes with it.
If one does get genuine attention or attention out of courtesy then why to worry the nature of it. Most of us do not realize we do have an option. It is amazing if we start thinking we can conclude we have an option almost for everything we do but death and taxes.
You have option to deal with anything in love department or leave it. If you leave it is over. If you do not want to leave and stick around and see one ADVICE: Never worry or upset yourself with the thing you have absolutely no power or control over.
I would like to know what you think or which one do you refer?
Luv,
Genuine _Love_Preacher
P.S One clarification . I am not preaching on take what you get. What I am saying is this: You have an option and do not be too demanding. If is it your nature to demand then you should move on do not hang on the things with the hope you will change situation.
11 comments:
"...the feeling that is generated is the same REGARDLESS HOW THAT ATTENTION WAS PAID unless one makes him/herself think otherwise."
I have my doubts.
There are a lot of forms of attention that are not positive. When we’re young and immature we find that out the hard way. When we accept simple courtesies just because they are there, we sell ourselves short. I think it hurts us in the long-run and hurts our ability to distinguish between good/nurturing attention and superficial/useless attention.
I think it is the road to being used.
The first person I ever dated that did not try to play me or try to make me believe anything other than what I saw with my own eyes has been my wife for nine years. Obviously I feel I am lucky, but if the attention just screams "I'm an attention whore and I'll do anything to make you look at me" there may be some screws loose.
gurl your the best! i learn so much shit from you... seriously you are chock full of knowledge!!!
Re: Original Post
It is wholly true that -you- are responsible for how you feel. Not someone else. No one can make you feel a certain way, it is all in how you choose to feel and react to any given situation. I can not put it any more simply than that, and so I am in agreement with your idea that regardless of how the attention was paid you feel the way you want to feel, good or bad.
Re: nosthegametoo
The form of this attention is not really the sticking point. The point is that the feeling that is generated (regardless of the form) is still identical. Because form does not always follow one's expectactions. What is incredibly romantic to me for instance may completely turn another person off, but they realize the intent, and so the feeling derived from this intent is based on the receiver's perception of the intent and action.
My question to you then is what doubt falls in line with the fact that regardless of how you receive the attention -you- as a person are responsible for how you feel about it. Thus, the feeling will be the same as it is generated by the self.
Quantify?
Interesting interesting..Be Human
@ Prata:
I agree that we all have may have differing views of romanticism and many other things. My point is this: If we are going to make a functioning and fulfilling relationship last with our mate, we must be attentive to the other’s needs. Demanding an unreasonable amount of attention or time is one thing. That is not healthy or reasonable, and it is potentially destructive. But to take your partner’s feelings into consideration when they need a bit more attention is not unreasonable in many circumstances.
Ah...we were jut going to the same place on the field by a different map. Put in more concise terms, this is something I can agree with.
This is of course true as you'll agree I think (assuming I understand you correctly) that the reception of attention is brokered by the giving of attention. Similar to push hands. ^_^
Word:
I just thought to share with everybody
nothegame2
I do not think this way of thinking can lead abuse , however not careful review of relationship will.
joseph blanx
How wonderful... YOU married your 1st date. I admore that. After reading your comment I made addtion to the artcile. I was not talking only attention but attetion of person we are with.
Danielle
You r the Boss. Long LIVE D_ UNIT . U r always welcome to my crazy world outside D_ Unite
Guradian Angel
I hope Derick feels better. I also understand sometimes we have to break up with people we love most. I hope you are doing fine as well. I wish both of your guys Derick and you a lot of strength.
Prata
I agree. No one makes us to feel different. We have control over out emotions. I learned it in a hrad way.
Ruben
You can not go wrong with that. We have to heal be4 we jump to other relationship. If we cannot heal ourself it is not fair to ask somebody we just meet to heal it for us. The only thing we can pray is that new person is not gonna renew or deepen the wound.
Nothegame2
I agree with this.. but not above comment.
Thanks everybody who read the artcile and wrote me email. I truelly appreciate
Wow, thank you so much gurl :)
I have to think about that question a little more...yet, I know I want the geniune thing all around...but many of us can't tell the difference because folks are good actors....
Folks are actors. In a way, we all play roles. Some are a lot more versed at it.
I do fall into the trap of expecting too much too soon. And that gets me burned each time.
If you are reading this because of rain-the location has been moved to the United Way Building on 9th in Locust, downstown St. Louis from 2-6.
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