WHY DO WE ALLOW ANYBODY TO YANK OUR HEART ?
Recently I found out that one of the guys I knew, whom I adore with my whole heart and appreciate him more than he can guess, was in love with me. They say knowing is beautiful but in my case it is painful. It is painful because I closed my heart and soul such a way I could not see it. I used to think he just thinks I am a cool person to hang out with. My heart was broken at least 2 times.First time, when someone yanked my heart and walked over it, I thought I would not survive. I thought it was it … it was end of the world. The world, which is not fair and equal...The world that is so selfish. The world that takes advantage of pure, innocent souls. Then later on I found out that fair has nothing to do with it. Nothing is fair when it comes to it. People are rational and unbelievably self-centered. I am wondering if I also possess some of those qualities. Who knows…? We never admit our own wrong-doings anyways…
Second time when my heart urinated on… drop of water of my soul rolled down on my cheeks and channeled itself to my pillow.. The next day … it left me with heavy heart… and took me to the local bar for couple of Tequila shots… The 3rd day it would leave me with terrifying hang over.. convincingly forced me to sleep entire day and leave me face to face with my sh*** mood. 4th day it would make me wake up early and go running for 12 sometimes more miles then I would swear God I will not fall in love again.
Yes, my heart and soul yanked such a way it does not exist anymore. I am happy to announce that no one will yank it again because it is not there anymore. Maybe one day it will restore and rejuvenate itself. Maybe.. Maybe not. If I am going to meet the same quality people again I prefer to live without my heart..
With love,
Loveless heart...
2 comments:
I'm sorry to know that you were hurt in such a way. I know this feeling, when it hurts so much that you'll do almost anything to protect yourself. I hope it gets better because the alternative is worse.
"Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket — safe, dark, motionless, airless — it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable." — C.S. Lewis
Theresa,
I realy loved your quote from C.S. Lewis. It lit the light for me. That is what I have decided a long time ago. I will never let my heart to belong anybody
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