8.18.2005


HOW MUCH WE LEARN FROM PAST ?


We have heard over and over again that LIFE is the best teacher and you learn as you grow older. I have rebellion side of me, which says that is a fair tale. I do not think it is the LIFE teaches us. I think it is out ability to learn. The more I think about my pass experiences and so called lessons I realize I intend making same mistakes over and over again but in different format. The best friend of mine helped me to unfold these patterns in my behavior and showed me how to avoid them. If you think I learned a lesson from it then take a sit, grab your belly and laugh as loud as you can.

I got couple female friends of mine and start talking about their love pattern. Couple hours later we all were in denial and did not want admit we were silly enough to make same mistakes.

Common misleading things for my friends and me were guys’ appearance. We all had different taste in man but we all fall a short when we meet whom we found attractive.
Certain life-style was catch for some of us. The way guy handles himself. What woman expects from a man heavily depends on woman upbringings and values. To my surprise some of gals like a man who is a little bit unapproachable.

What the hell is wrong in our society? Why would somebody want to have a man who is unapproachable? Our society makes a lot of things unapproachable for most of us then why would I want an unapproachable man?

It all boils down to our secret desire to play mind games. Let me act this way and see how s/he going to act. Without asking question to other person why try to interpret other person’s behavior. Once we start asking question and trying to be precise s/he assumes s/he concord your heart.

Lessons I learned so far:

1. Your hearts belong to you but nobody else. If you want to give your heart away give it to GOD anybody else will abuse it.
2. When you become expressing your disagreement with men behavior you are perceived a mad to the world. Not really. I have never gone to date or meet somebody with expectation that I am going to experience my previous experiences. However, there is always the same outcome and behavior patterns. I think it is not easy to predict what people will do but it is not impossible if you invest time and energy to it.
3. If you talk how men abuse woman feelings people will think you have been abused a lot. Not really. I guess get used to it. You will not change a thing in people minds especially the ones who is hard headed.

4. When it is decided you need to cut the relationship you need to cut it off. Do not leave a room “Let’s see” It is going destroy all you had left. It leads more troubles more than one can imagine.
5. When you are trying to be with someone make sure that someone deserves to be especially to you or at least appreciates you. To explain my point I am posting my chat with my internet buddy

Internet Buddy: I feel u
Internet Buddy: all men want is sex and u want more
Me: sex is not enough any more.It never was
Internet Buddy: true
Me: so I gave up on man and trying to figure them out.Screw all of them. Life has a lot too offer, right?
Internet Buddy: ur right on that
Internet Buddy: but u do have desires as a woman to be
ntimate
Me: I got over that too.That desire is more mental rather than physical
Internet Buddy: I feel u. Once u get the mental down pact then..The physical comes with it
Me: yeap
Internet Buddy: aiight. I have a question
Internet Buddy: I’m focused on school and work and all so I’m a lil over sex and all that, but what do u do when u get that urge to want to be with someone intimately
Me: it takes time to win over ur desire. but u really need to get over it in ur brain before in ur action. It took me a year. I was so ready not to have a “casual sex” (sound horrible to me even typing of it) . Once you are ready not to do it you will feel like WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING? It even DOES not feel good. So that feeling puts end to "causal sex"
Internet Buddy: I feel u
Me: once u start really feeling inside that u r doing something wrong thing THAT IS IT. You will not do it anymore.
Me: and it takes time. before I used to think it is impossible. but now when I look back and wonder how could I do all that?
Internet Buddy: I’m kinda there now cause I’m 20, single,
in college
Me: when u stop having casual sex u will start valuing urself more
Internet Buddy: tru
Me: once u do choose a person u want to be with u gonna know more about urself than u
ever could.. but it is hard
Me: then you will enter other stage . You will be careful with whom you want to be intimate then if the person u choose to be with does not value u then u gonna think what the hell
Internet Buddy: yea
Me: that time u will realize u need to be more careful when u choose
Me: once u master that stage u r going to be more confident about urself than any other person u know
Me: Please do not think I am trying to preach you. Just wanted to share.

TO BE CONTINUED...

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