8.25.2005

MANAGE IT OR LET IT LOSE?

Seems like all troubles of life start chasing me when it is bed time. I am wondering if I am the only weirdo who feels awkward late pm hours.

Today I was very productive and active. I biked 36 miles while my mind was wondering what is the cause of anger in relationship. It seems people get angry or upset with the person when they care. Some of us chose to verbalize it- some of us do not. I think it is better to keep your feelings for yourself and give a time to test your feelings. Why to spit it out if you have no facts to back it up, right? Why someone should show his/her feelings if the other person does not care. I will assume, since I talk about relationships, people care about each other.

Before I start writing all about anger I want bring an example. I saw a couple at the gym today. I honestly did not understand why she was complaining. The language they talked sound Portuguese to me. She was frustrated and apparently did not want to work out. I do not know. But what caught my attention was that he was understanding and was trying to comfort her. I wonder if that is what men want. I think since we, women are so well stereotyped in society it is almost expected from us to be on the bitchy side. What do you think is it a good idea? I do not know. I do not see myself in bitchy side. Hey you never know…maybe one day I will wake up and my heart will desire to belong to bitchy person.

Now lets go back to anger issue. Since you all know I am an Internet junkie I tried to find an answer to this HOT topic on the Internet. I came across a web site where they were talking about a good karma. According to Karma teachings “LOVE, too, has the opposite of BEING UNLOVED. And although LOVING is good, it does have a powerful negative.” I guess nothing can be more negative than anger. Anger not only kills human in us it also can be a great tool to destroy our loved ones.

A friend of mine who is in music/entertainment industry (btw he is very successful one too) told me that he could give his life for the girl he was with and had no intention to cheat on her, wanted her to be a mother to his children. He says as soon as his fame rolled in his girlfriend anger also rolled in with it. She became violent, insecure and jealous. He says: “It was impossible to talk over the phone. Forget about being in each other’s presence. Therefore we had to split up. I can assure you till today she thinks I did it because I became famous and did not need her.” When I asked why not to go get her back he said he cannot get over his anger and they grew a part as time passed by. Sad ending story but lesson can be learned from it.

I am sure she loved him dearly and probably that is why she got paranoid. Her paranoia ended up the relationship and probably her dreams with that person. That is why I am a big supporter of keeping one’s feelings to himself/herself. By doing so person can find a time to think over and realize if suspicions have a ground or not. The biggest danger can come out of it- SILENT ANGER. Couple years ago I taught myself how to manipulate my anger. I let my anger to PARK in me silently and wait for right time. I let it sit a long enough that I can check all the possible ways to prove myself I was wrong accusing the person for wrongdoing. I know that is not the best way to deal with. It works now but probably it will not work in a long haul. It is astonishing for myself to see how a silent anger ruins innocent, virgin feelings. It makes me question if person does not have feelings then what person has to offer to other person.

So do you think silent anger is better than spiting anger out right away?

With Love,
Nothegame

2 comments:

Theresa said...

I have a slightly different idea about anger. I really don't think it's a feeling by itself at all. It's really just a reaction to other feelings. Those feelings are hurt, fear, and powerlessness. Think about it. Was there ever a time that you experienced anger when it wasn't actually caused by one of those other feelings?

For instance, if you're driving and someone cuts you off, your first reaction might be anger. However, underneath the anger you felt scared when they almost hit you.

When we recognize and understand the feelings under our anger, it's easier to think about and talk about. It's also easier to move on and learn something from the experience.

Of course, some people have disagreed with me about my "anger theory" ... they've even gotten pissed off about it.

No_the_game said...

Honestly, I have never thought about anger that way. Yes, it is true that there are other feelings behind the anger. Thanks for your comments and teachings. I love them all.

With love,
Nothegame