DO WE GET WHAT WE WISH FOR?

I’ve been told that there is a curse in Chinese that says: “May you get everything you wish for.” The prospect that something you lust for and passionately desire to obtain can be a curse leaves a powerful impression on me. There seems to be a tremendous amount of logic and wisdom to it.

How does this pertain to men and women’s misunderstandings of each other?

Well… it seems to me that many of us live our early dating lives, and some unfortunately live their whole romantic lives, in a foggy fantasy-land. In those dreams of perfection we find comfort in seeking and finding something called: perfect. Is this a good thing? I wonder about it.

To me, the most obvious and forgotten fact about the behavior of people is that we are individuals shaped by experience. I know it’s easy to spout that off, but do we really know what that means? When searching for a mate, we often find ourselves seduced by an image of our conception of what is perfect. Images are deceiving.

In the King James Bible, God commands: “Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image…” Exodus, Chapter 20, Verse 4. Now, this isn’t a theological discussion, but taking into consideration some ancient wisdom often seems appropriate. Especially when thinking of images. Why would God COMMAND the believers of HIS faith not to make graven images? I have an assumption in secular terms.

Consider the “Bad Boy” and the girl that’s “Hott.” Both seem to be something to covet in many circles. I have heard women say: “Like…I want my guy to be…like…a badboy…but not…like…really bad…you know?” Or maybe: “I want a man that’s thugged out…but not like a thug…you know? Like someone that dresses and acts that way, but isn’t.” I’m sure most of you have heard these things before too. So…what’s the problem with it?

If your image of a man has the word “bad,” or something similar in it, you’re probably in trouble. I looked the word up, I often do that, and these are two possible definitions of the word: bad – “morally objectionable, or, inadequate or unsuited to a purpose.” If these are qualities that you are attracted to, good luck getting exactly what you wish for. Life is serious, which doesn’t mean it can’t be funny and pleasurable (I think people misunderstand the word serious), but it’s nonetheless serious.

But that’s not the most interesting part. Many of us have outgrown the desire to lust after the so-called “rebellious.” But what do we lust after now? Do we fall at the feet of a doctor, a lawyer, a successful business man/woman? So many people are in love with the image of what we have imagined is "success" that they’re just as fooled as anyone seeking a “rebel.” My point is this: it’s the image that fools most people, whether that image is success, the seduction of helping those in need, or the image of a kind nurturer. But remember: this is not an endorsement of seeking some overly philosophical soul without a place to lay his or her head. There are practicalities in life. My point is only this: do we look past the image?

The same thing goes for men. If a man is searching for nothing more than the image of pretty face to validate his ego, he’s in trouble too. Physical attractiveness as an important quality in a mate only lasts for a minute, and that minute goes pretty quick if there’s nothing to back it up. Have you EVER heard someone married for 40 years say: “damn…I’d have left him/her years ago if he/she wasn’t so damn hott?”

People are not images. Pursuing an image is like chasing a shadow. It’s easy to confuse something that is pleasing with something that we NEED. Many of the things we think we need are unnecessary to the important parts of maintaining a relationship worth building for a life-time.

So be careful what you wish for…you just might get everything you ever dreamed of.

Peace and Love,

nosthegametoo