LOVE- COMPLICATED ? OH .. NO , YES.. I DO NOT KNOW.. U KNOW?

Since I am traveling I am going to keep this post short. I was not expecting to write about this topic but Theresa, one of my blog readers, sparked my mind. That spark caused a hurricane in my mind. I am not even exaggerating. I just realized love is also not a feeling. Love is reflection of other feelings. Unfortunately most of us do not recognize it. Just let’s think how many times we told people we love them. Do you know why some of us love our moms more than others? Do you know why we love one friend of ours more than others? Do you know why we love out partners or boyfriends/girlfriends? Why do love some thing in our life , for example car, beautiful vase , bookshelf and etc.. ?

It does not matter what is the answer to the questions. Now, the answer can not be I just love them. If your answer is just because I love them then you did not think deep enough. We love people because they protect us (mothers), they were there when we failed or succeeded (friends), they touched our life such a way it rejuvenated our existence (partners or boyfriends). We love things cars, beautiful vase or bookshelf because they have sentimental feelings attached to it. For instance I start loving my car when it helped me escape an ugly car accident without no harm to me. Oh boy, I love my car. If you catch me kissing my car after washing it do not get surprised. I do it secretly, you know how it goes: checking around so nobody sees me.

I believe most of us have clear idea why we love things and people around us but we are confused why we love out partners or boyfriends and girlfriends. When it comes to loving boyfriends or girlfriends a lot of people do not know what they love. We like one thing about the person then make conclusion that we are in love. Once we make out mind up to love somebody we hope the things we do not like about the person is going to change. Good luck with that.

After forcing myself thinking about love the way I describe it, I realized I was in love once. For example the person I loved has something about him made me fall for him. I loved the way he dealt and managed his life. I loved the passion he had for life. I loved he looked and touched my heart. But I did not like the way he treated me in public especially around the people he knew. We had different views about life. I was not happy but I was in love. Hmm, sounds odd. If I was not happy then why was I in love? Love is not meant to bring sadness in our life. Love is a choice and it is not a feeling. Love is combination of feelings that we feel about the person. I guess when we love, we weight the bad and good about the person. Nobody is as perfect as we want them to be. Just we need to do our trade offs. Once we become aware what we love (most of us really never realize what we love about the other person) we make a choice. We make a choice to choose love that makes us unhappy or happy. Keep in mind love is reflection of the other feelings. If our feelings about the person are such - s/he does not treat me right, s/he is not returning my phone calls on time or not at all, s/he does respect me enough. Believe me we going to love the person the way it will reflect those feelings. Can you remember you loved the person but kept telling everybody s/he does not understand me? Or you ask the person why do not you do such and such and the person gets irritated? Can you see the pattern?

With love,

Nothegame
To be continued… I will be writing about unconditional love...

MANAGE IT OR LET IT LOSE?

Seems like all troubles of life start chasing me when it is bed time. I am wondering if I am the only weirdo who feels awkward late pm hours.

Today I was very productive and active. I biked 36 miles while my mind was wondering what is the cause of anger in relationship. It seems people get angry or upset with the person when they care. Some of us chose to verbalize it- some of us do not. I think it is better to keep your feelings for yourself and give a time to test your feelings. Why to spit it out if you have no facts to back it up, right? Why someone should show his/her feelings if the other person does not care. I will assume, since I talk about relationships, people care about each other.

Before I start writing all about anger I want bring an example. I saw a couple at the gym today. I honestly did not understand why she was complaining. The language they talked sound Portuguese to me. She was frustrated and apparently did not want to work out. I do not know. But what caught my attention was that he was understanding and was trying to comfort her. I wonder if that is what men want. I think since we, women are so well stereotyped in society it is almost expected from us to be on the bitchy side. What do you think is it a good idea? I do not know. I do not see myself in bitchy side. Hey you never know…maybe one day I will wake up and my heart will desire to belong to bitchy person.

Now lets go back to anger issue. Since you all know I am an Internet junkie I tried to find an answer to this HOT topic on the Internet. I came across a web site where they were talking about a good karma. According to Karma teachings “LOVE, too, has the opposite of BEING UNLOVED. And although LOVING is good, it does have a powerful negative.” I guess nothing can be more negative than anger. Anger not only kills human in us it also can be a great tool to destroy our loved ones.

A friend of mine who is in music/entertainment industry (btw he is very successful one too) told me that he could give his life for the girl he was with and had no intention to cheat on her, wanted her to be a mother to his children. He says as soon as his fame rolled in his girlfriend anger also rolled in with it. She became violent, insecure and jealous. He says: “It was impossible to talk over the phone. Forget about being in each other’s presence. Therefore we had to split up. I can assure you till today she thinks I did it because I became famous and did not need her.” When I asked why not to go get her back he said he cannot get over his anger and they grew a part as time passed by. Sad ending story but lesson can be learned from it.

I am sure she loved him dearly and probably that is why she got paranoid. Her paranoia ended up the relationship and probably her dreams with that person. That is why I am a big supporter of keeping one’s feelings to himself/herself. By doing so person can find a time to think over and realize if suspicions have a ground or not. The biggest danger can come out of it- SILENT ANGER. Couple years ago I taught myself how to manipulate my anger. I let my anger to PARK in me silently and wait for right time. I let it sit a long enough that I can check all the possible ways to prove myself I was wrong accusing the person for wrongdoing. I know that is not the best way to deal with. It works now but probably it will not work in a long haul. It is astonishing for myself to see how a silent anger ruins innocent, virgin feelings. It makes me question if person does not have feelings then what person has to offer to other person.

So do you think silent anger is better than spiting anger out right away?

With Love,
Nothegame

SELFISHNESS, SELF-INTEREST & THE GOLDEN-RULE

The First-Century Hebrew sage, Rabbi Hillel, taught the maxim: “That which is hateful to you, do not do to your neighbor.” We now call this the Golden-Rule. But when is it important to exclusively take care of yourself, even though it may not be in the best interest of your friend or partner? My thoughts are that acting in self-interest is a good thing, and selfishness is bad. I think there is a difference. When we act selfishly, we are acting in a manner that we would not want to be similarly treated. When we act in self-interest, we are making ourselves greater people, and that will benefit those around us.

How does this pertain to men and women’s misunderstandings of each other?

Well… Many people straddle the thin line between selfishness and self-interest. The line between selfishness and self-interest can easily become confusing. Rabbi Hillel also posed the questions: “If I am not for myself, who is for me? But if I am for my own self only, what am I?” I can’t really think of a better way of stating the potential conflict.

All forms of important relationships carry with them a responsibility. Nothing is free. Even the closeness of a friendship or the intimacy of a relationship with someone you love has its price. Hopefully, that price is nothing more than respect, understanding, compassion, empathy or sympathy (when needed), fidelity, loyalty or the other important things that make a relationship last. But your friend or mate must know and understand the cost of each of the important fundamentals, because they all require some reasonable sacrifices and compromises.

I looked up the word “selfish,” and I found that it is: “seeking or concentrating on one's own advantage, pleasure, or well-being without regard for others.” That doesn’t seem appealing to me. I find that selfishness is not an attractive quality in a relationship. But still, I have to go back to the wise old Rabbi and ask: “If I am not for myself, who is for me?” We have to take care of ourselves in this life, but to what extent do we do that alone?

This certainly doesn’t mean I would advocate living your life trying to make someone else happy. That isn’t compromise. And compromise can only come from effectively expressing your thoughts, feelings and positions. A failure to compromise, and reach workable and reasonable solutions to situtations, would probably be detrimental to your own pursuit of happiness and consequently against your own self-interest. That is a bad thing. But can you do more than just take? Do we sometimes think only of ourselves when it comes to our needs: emotionally, intimately, financially or when it comes to someone else's much needed personal time? Do we demand more than we can give?

Granted, abuse and mistreatment (physical or mental) are situations that should never be tolerated; that is not the scope of this discussion. What I am speaking of are the draining everyday problems that stem from a close relationship. The kind of problems that exist between two people because they can’t substitute their thoughts, hearts and minds with those of their mate. I am speaking of the workable problems that have the potential to become destructive over time.

There is a tremendous temptation to facilitate the breakdown of a relationship because we are either upset, experiencing tough times or agitated at the prospect of uncertainty. Because of this temptation, it is easy to turn inward and forsake anything that is not to your benefit. To me, that is selfishness. That takes me back to the wise old Rabbi once again, and I ask myself: “If I am for my own self only, what am I?”

Sometimes we all want to say: “My way or the highway.” It’s not always reasonable to think that way, especially in a relationship. I have seen and experienced the downfall of many relationships that could have thrived if it were not for one, the other or both person’s PRIDE. I think pride is the road to selfishness. But pride is a whole different story.

Relationships must have balance. There may come times when the balance leans more one way, then more the other, but the aggregate of the relationship should be balanced. I think we are in trouble in our relationships, when we take paths that lead us to selfishness. Acting in selfishness, which is “without regard for others,” doesn’t seem like a quality that contributes to a lasting relationship. I doubt any of us want our partners and friends to treat us with no regard.

We just might be better off taking a look back at the Golden-Rule. I think those words have some meaning to them.

Peace and Love,

nosthegametoo

Seems like everybody wants to be understood. What does really that mean? What do we understand from it ? Does that mean we have to dance our butt off into somebody’s music or we have to have we own music to get others to tune in. What is it? Due to my lack of dating experience or my stupid choices I often find myself dancing with someone else music even though I hate it.

In relationships, I always try to be understanding person. It means I will make sure not to invade no one’s private time, distract him or make scenes even when he is wrong or not acting right. Sometime it means I am going to indulge some behaviors of his that is barely passes thru my throat with tons of honey. Does understanding means sacrificing your own interest?

I think sometimes people try to communicate with behavior or send massages by the way they word their sentences. I think one of the meaning of understand is “to grasp the reasonableness of something, or somebody” . Question is how reasonable is it to communicate with behavior or tricky massage sending techniques.

It is 4:07 am and I am too tired right now. I am going to go to bed and ask GOD to shed some light to the earth.. because I know there is a brighter future. Brighter future, where I will not be trying to find out what the hell is wrong in our contemporary dating world. For now - DANCE BABY DANCE....

DO WE GET WHAT WE WISH FOR?

I’ve been told that there is a curse in Chinese that says: “May you get everything you wish for.” The prospect that something you lust for and passionately desire to obtain can be a curse leaves a powerful impression on me. There seems to be a tremendous amount of logic and wisdom to it.

How does this pertain to men and women’s misunderstandings of each other?

Well… it seems to me that many of us live our early dating lives, and some unfortunately live their whole romantic lives, in a foggy fantasy-land. In those dreams of perfection we find comfort in seeking and finding something called: perfect. Is this a good thing? I wonder about it.

To me, the most obvious and forgotten fact about the behavior of people is that we are individuals shaped by experience. I know it’s easy to spout that off, but do we really know what that means? When searching for a mate, we often find ourselves seduced by an image of our conception of what is perfect. Images are deceiving.

In the King James Bible, God commands: “Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image…” Exodus, Chapter 20, Verse 4. Now, this isn’t a theological discussion, but taking into consideration some ancient wisdom often seems appropriate. Especially when thinking of images. Why would God COMMAND the believers of HIS faith not to make graven images? I have an assumption in secular terms.

Consider the “Bad Boy” and the girl that’s “Hott.” Both seem to be something to covet in many circles. I have heard women say: “Like…I want my guy to be…like…a badboy…but not…like…really bad…you know?” Or maybe: “I want a man that’s thugged out…but not like a thug…you know? Like someone that dresses and acts that way, but isn’t.” I’m sure most of you have heard these things before too. So…what’s the problem with it?

If your image of a man has the word “bad,” or something similar in it, you’re probably in trouble. I looked the word up, I often do that, and these are two possible definitions of the word: bad – “morally objectionable, or, inadequate or unsuited to a purpose.” If these are qualities that you are attracted to, good luck getting exactly what you wish for. Life is serious, which doesn’t mean it can’t be funny and pleasurable (I think people misunderstand the word serious), but it’s nonetheless serious.

But that’s not the most interesting part. Many of us have outgrown the desire to lust after the so-called “rebellious.” But what do we lust after now? Do we fall at the feet of a doctor, a lawyer, a successful business man/woman? So many people are in love with the image of what we have imagined is "success" that they’re just as fooled as anyone seeking a “rebel.” My point is this: it’s the image that fools most people, whether that image is success, the seduction of helping those in need, or the image of a kind nurturer. But remember: this is not an endorsement of seeking some overly philosophical soul without a place to lay his or her head. There are practicalities in life. My point is only this: do we look past the image?

The same thing goes for men. If a man is searching for nothing more than the image of pretty face to validate his ego, he’s in trouble too. Physical attractiveness as an important quality in a mate only lasts for a minute, and that minute goes pretty quick if there’s nothing to back it up. Have you EVER heard someone married for 40 years say: “damn…I’d have left him/her years ago if he/she wasn’t so damn hott?”

People are not images. Pursuing an image is like chasing a shadow. It’s easy to confuse something that is pleasing with something that we NEED. Many of the things we think we need are unnecessary to the important parts of maintaining a relationship worth building for a life-time.

So be careful what you wish for…you just might get everything you ever dreamed of.

Peace and Love,

nosthegametoo

ARE WE REALLY LISTENING?

I once asked a neuro-surgeon: “what’s the secret to women?” He was an opinionated and confident guy, and he definately has a bit of wisdom (I’m distinguishing “wisdom” from “knowledge” here). Actually, I love talking to this guy, and every time we get a minute to hang out, he’s always funny too. So take his comments with a bit of sugar, though he was serious when he said them. This was his response, as best I can remember it:

You know…the secret to women is in their ears. A woman
believes what she hears. Women often learn through their ears. Now,
every woman is different, but if there IS any secret, it is to speak to their
ears.

How does this pertain to men and women’s misunderstandings of each other?

Well… I’ll offer some personal anecdotes dealing with listening to illustrate.

I can think of several relationships or situations I have been involved with, dating back to my earliest forays into this quagmire we all call romance. In one situation in particular, the short-lived relationship feel apart because she told me I wasn’t able to share my REAL feelings with her. She wanted me to tell her all kinds of things I thought were already there. We were close, and good friends too, but I now wonder if I was really listening to what she was saying rather than acting on what I thought I was hearing. Apparently, there is a difference.

When I think back to it, it’s probably something I should work on. I’m pretty expressive when I let someone in my life, so I might just be under the assumption that my expressions are understood. It’s something that I’m seriously considering these days.

In another situation, it wasn’t me who didn’t listen. I had a woman once break a promise to me about visiting a man she said she wouldn’t. She knew I was familiar with him, and I had told her that it wasn’t respectful to meet someone (whom she was romantically interested in) while she was visiting me. Although we weren’t yet in a committed relationship, we really were (it was a stressful and tough situation due to distance). The conversation was clear as could be, and she PROMISED not to meet the guy. She met him anyway, while she was visiting me and before we were to take a special trip together that same day. An argument ensued, and a wonderful morning was ruined. She actually never acknowledged doing anything wrong. She refused to acknowledge that she broke a promise because she did not plan on seeing him.

Whatever excuses we make for not listening to our mates often doesn’t help the situation. Truly listening and hearing our loved ones takes patience and skill; it's not a selfish art. But like a lot of things, the cover-up is worse than the crime. If words have meaning, maybe we should listen a bit better. When someone tells me things like, “I’m afraid of hurting you,” I more than listen these days. The truth is…they might be trying to tell you something they haven’t shared yet.

Peace and Love,

nosthegametoo

HOW MUCH WE LEARN FROM PAST ?

We have heard over and over again that LIFE is the best teacher and you learn as you grow older. I have rebellion side of me, which says that is a fair tale. I do not think it is the LIFE teaches us. I think it is out ability to learn. The more I think about my pass experiences and so called lessons I realize I intend making same mistakes over and over again but in different format. The best friend of mine helped me to unfold these patterns in my behavior and showed me how to avoid them. If you think I learned a lesson from it then take a sit, grab your belly and laugh as loud as you can.

I got couple female friends of mine and start talking about their love pattern. Couple hours later we all were in denial and did not want admit we were silly enough to make same mistakes.

Common misleading things for my friends and me were guys’ appearance. We all had different taste in man but we all fall a short when we meet whom we found attractive.
Certain life-style was catch for some of us. The way guy handles himself. What woman expects from a man heavily depends on woman upbringings and values. To my surprise some of gals like a man who is a little bit unapproachable.

What the hell is wrong in our society? Why would somebody want to have a man who is unapproachable? Our society makes a lot of things unapproachable for most of us then why would I want an unapproachable man?

It all boils down to our secret desire to play mind games. Let me act this way and see how s/he going to act. Without asking question to other person why try to interpret other person’s behavior. Once we start asking question and trying to be precise s/he assumes s/he concord your heart.

Lessons I learned so far:

1. Your hearts belong to you but nobody else. If you want to give your heart away give it to GOD anybody else will abuse it.
2. When you become expressing your disagreement with men behavior you are perceived a mad to the world. Not really. I have never gone to date or meet somebody with expectation that I am going to experience my previous experiences. However, there is always the same outcome and behavior patterns. I think it is not easy to predict what people will do but it is not impossible if you invest time and energy to it.
3. If you talk how men abuse woman feelings people will think you have been abused a lot. Not really. I guess get used to it. You will not change a thing in people minds especially the ones who is hard headed.

4. When it is decided you need to cut the relationship you need to cut it off. Do not leave a room “Let’s see” It is going destroy all you had left. It leads more troubles more than one can imagine.
5. When you are trying to be with someone make sure that someone deserves to be especially to you or at least appreciates you. To explain my point I am posting my chat with my internet buddy

Internet Buddy: I feel u
Internet Buddy: all men want is sex and u want more
Me: sex is not enough any more.It never was
Internet Buddy: true
Me: so I gave up on man and trying to figure them out.Screw all of them. Life has a lot too offer, right?
Internet Buddy: ur right on that
Internet Buddy: but u do have desires as a woman to be
ntimate
Me: I got over that too.That desire is more mental rather than physical
Internet Buddy: I feel u. Once u get the mental down pact then..The physical comes with it
Me: yeap
Internet Buddy: aiight. I have a question
Internet Buddy: I’m focused on school and work and all so I’m a lil over sex and all that, but what do u do when u get that urge to want to be with someone intimately
Me: it takes time to win over ur desire. but u really need to get over it in ur brain before in ur action. It took me a year. I was so ready not to have a “casual sex” (sound horrible to me even typing of it) . Once you are ready not to do it you will feel like WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING? It even DOES not feel good. So that feeling puts end to "causal sex"
Internet Buddy: I feel u
Me: once u start really feeling inside that u r doing something wrong thing THAT IS IT. You will not do it anymore.
Me: and it takes time. before I used to think it is impossible. but now when I look back and wonder how could I do all that?
Internet Buddy: I’m kinda there now cause I’m 20, single,
in college
Me: when u stop having casual sex u will start valuing urself more
Internet Buddy: tru
Me: once u do choose a person u want to be with u gonna know more about urself than u
ever could.. but it is hard
Me: then you will enter other stage . You will be careful with whom you want to be intimate then if the person u choose to be with does not value u then u gonna think what the hell
Internet Buddy: yea
Me: that time u will realize u need to be more careful when u choose
Me: once u master that stage u r going to be more confident about urself than any other person u know
Me: Please do not think I am trying to preach you. Just wanted to share.

TO BE CONTINUED...

HOW TO COMMUNICATE ?

Peoples’ communication skills always amaze me.
I was in my 20’s I realized I lack in communication skills. Living by myself since I was 14 years old taught me how to be a good negotiate to get the things I want to get but made me ignore communication skills while I was strengthening my negotiation skills. I have learned how to communicate with people but I still have a problem communicating well with opposite sex, especially when I am attracted to them. Sometimes I go over the limit telling them how much I love them or attracted to them . It gets to the point it becomes overwhelming. Or, I do not show enough affection and I lose them before I have them. I was chatting a girl friend of mine about my relationships the other day.

Here is the some part of chat:

Me: when I like a guy I let him know
Me: but i guess it makes guys feel cocky. I do not know
a girlfriend : yeah....u shouldn't let guys know how much you like him
Me: See I tell them if I like them
Me: I always do tell ppl if I like them
Me: I cannot be someone else. If I do not tell them how I feel I feel not myself.
a girlfriend : oh no, u should not tell guy that! u should make guy think he could lose you at any minute
Me: See mind games is not for me
Me: I do not play it and expect not to be played also
Me: if guy goes to mind games I am out
a girlfriend : you have a point...but most guys ARE COCKY when they know you like them a lot....i try to play hard to get for the first few months
adcak: LOL. I do not know.. I am pretty hard to get but when I like a guy I am a cheap ass woman

Which way to go? Not expressing feelings or just to find out the right dosage of it. I do
not know. If it is a dosage how am I going to know how much add of that spice. Here is the some explanation to it “however, sometimes it can be over whelming, and the wrong people could possible try to take advantage of the fact that you feel strongly...I believe that you can show someone that you really like them, without telling them that all the time..”

Here is the million dollar question for me.. How can I do that? I would love to hear from everybody by dropping comment or sending me email or contacting me on my yahoo.massager.

IS JEALOUSLY A GOOD THING?

When you’re jealous over someone, does it mean you care? I wonder about that. I get the feeling that jealousy is often a manifestation of selfishness. Or even worse, it’s a verbalization of distrust. In my opinion, either of these qualities is potentially relationship ending. Neither is the foundation of something lasting. Selfishness in a person may just be a signal that they are unable to be considerate; but more than being inconsiderate, maybe they are unable to think of ANYTHING but themselves. And of course, I think most people would agree that there isn’t much there if distrust is part of a relationship.

How does this pertain to men and women’s misunderstandings of each other?

Well… I once dated a woman that thought that jealousy was a sign of affection. She always wondered why I didn’t get jealous over her. Then, she would feel ashamed of her obvious mistrust (which by the way, was without merit), cry about it, and do that whole dance all over again. If that wasn’t bad enough, she even had her “friends” telling her that she should be worried about my lack of jealousy. Funny enough, their relationship experience, even in their early twenties, was limited to episodes of Sex & The City, and the teen-oriented magazines they read. Also, I shouldn’t forget to throw in everyone’s favorite modern-day household surrogate parent and model for stable relationships: MTV. Although, none of her “friends” had ever had the opportunity to connect with someone on a serious level at that time. But of course, like many lonely people, they were never short on advice.

The honest reason I was never jealous is that I was confident that she cared deeply, so I never thought anything about it. Now, that doesn’t mean I took it for granted. I went out of my way to SHOW I cared at every opportunity. But I had more friends than she did (she never had a true friend, and only one or two shady female buddies), and even some life-long friends from my early childhood (who are still around to this day, and still as close as family), so when she got the opportunity to go out without me, I was happy for her. I always encouraged her to go out with her friends and even go dancing. I never felt that I should be worried. In fact, I would go to bed and tell her to call the next day and tell me how much fun she had. Now, some might say that makes me a fool, but I had faith and trust.

Since that situation, I have talked to women who have said that jealousy means that someone really cares about you. But I wonder about that. I know some people look at jealousy as the ability to arouse anger in someone, which means that the person must have feelings toward you. If you look at it from that perspective, then you’ve got something positive on your hand that reassures you that you’re with someone who has feelings for you.

On the other hand, if you’re with someone who doesn’t share that philosophy of life, you might just have a problem. I’m of the opinion that jealousy occurs from a lack of trust and faith…but most often sheer insecurity. I can understand if someone is constantly giving you reasons not to trust them. To me, that seems to be a natural reaction to fearing for the stability and fidelity of your relationship. But, what if the person is intentionally doing things to try to provoke that reaction out of you? I once dated a woman who loved to talk of past intimacies with other people to provoke a reaction out of me. I suppose she thought this was a fool-proof way of determining if I really cared. But what it actually did was make me wonder. Why speak of these things? How seriously could she really have taken me? If she was so wrapped up in those past intimacies, how was I to know if they WERE past intimacies? From my perspective, I used to wonder to myself: “if she speaks so openly and nonchalantly about these things, am I to believe that she doesn't still have those intimacies?” She always said no, but you can never be certain when it comes to people. But caring for someone can sometimes make you a fool. I’m sure most of us have been there.

If I could impress anything on all those super-jealous souls out there, it would be this: Hearts are often unpredictable, and provoking a reaction out of someone might yield unintended consequences. I think we’ve all tested boundaries out of curiosity, but it’s a dangerous game. It’s a game that leads to misunderstandings, and the potential downfall of something that might have stood.

Since these situations, and other experiences, I’m mindful of my own insecurities and cautious about the level of reassurance I need from a mate. Ultimately, it was their insecurity that taught me to be more secure in myself.

Peace and Love,

nosthegametoo

IS THERE SUCH A THING AS BRUTAL HONESTY?

I’ve found a good deal of people who subscribe to the so-called “Brutal Honesty” philosophy of life. But I often wonder if there is such a thing.

How does this pertain to men and women’s misunderstandings of each other?

Well… there seems to be far less “honesty” in the concept of brutal honesty than the phrase pre-supposes. I’ve found that the concept seems to be based on an assertion of a power dynamic. By pointing out painful truths, one partner is asserting their brand of “honesty” while striking at the other partner’s weakest point. Of course there are painful truths in life, but it seems that we should rationally exclude those which have to be told, such as: self-destructive behavior, addiction, extreme recklessness, or other behaviors which are dangerous to the health of the individual… from non-imminent threats to our partner’s health and life.

However, before I continue, I want to make sure that I’m not establishing myself as a person who is tacitly approving of “lying.” Compassion and lying are not in the same realm. And more important: Speaking with compassion for the feelings of others is NOT "lying."

To illustrate, I will go back to a bit of lost play-ground wisdom: “if you don’t have anything good to say…don’t say anything at all.” Obviously this is over simplified, especially in an adult’s world, but there is truth in it when it comes to our relationships. People often act without making a quick cost/benefit analysis of the situation. Is there any benefit to this form of “telling it like it is?” And more importantly, what is the purpose of speaking in that manner to your partner?

The concept of “brutal honesty” itself is defined by its first word “brutal.” If you look up “brutal” in the dictionary, you’ll find it: “applies to people, their acts, or their words and suggests a lack of intelligence, feeling, or humanity.”

Now, if words have meaning, those people who believe in brutal honesty as a philosophy of life are already on shaky ground. I’m sure most practitioners of the art of brutality are probably not convinced, because they have a second word to hide behind. So I decided to look that one up too, and I found that, Honesty: “implies a refusal to lie, steal, or deceive in any way.”

Brutality warped in “honesty” is not honest; this sort of “honesty” is as much a lie as anything deliberately meant to deceive.

The practitioner of the art of brutality is always selective in their choice of when to brandish this highly effective weapon of esteem crushing. I’ve found that couples will uses portions of the truth, possibly behavioral flaws or character flaws as a convenient way to punish the recipient of their so-called “truth.” This is especially true when “honesty” is nothing more than pointing out the obvious. For instance: “wow…you really have an ugly hair cut.” There may be appropriate times to talk to a loved one about their appearance, but I often question why people choose the times they do. I once knew a girl who would choose to tell stories about every single detail of her past relationships when she wanted to get attention. The information might have been true, and some even painful truth, but what was the purpose? Was it honesty? Or something else?

Inherent in this selective use of the truth is an underlying dishonesty. The conscious use of factual information for the specific purpose of either causing pain, exercising power (most often this is the case), or using “brutal honesty” as a way to strike back at someone after having feelings of anger, is far from the meaning of honesty. But that’s only if words have meaning. If words have no meaning, then forget all of this.

All in all, I have my doubts about “brutal honesty” and whether or not there is ANY honesty in it. How about another word? Tact: “implies delicate and and considerate perception of what is appropriate.”

I’m talking about mature relationships here. If we can’t successfully express what’s on our mind without pretense of what we actually feel, I think that we are on the road to misunderstanding our partner, and all the problems that arise because of it. I doubt most of us consider being “brutal” a good quality in a mate. So why would we practice something we wouldn’t want done to us?

Peace and Love,

nosthegametoo

DO WE SAY WHAT WE MEAN?


Everyone SAYS that honesty is one of the most important qualities they look for in a mate. But do those of us who purport to covet honesty so much, PROVIDE the truthfulness we demand from others? Relationships are a two-way street. It has been my experience that we often demand quite a bit more than we are willing or even able to give.

Here’s a newsflash: WORDS HAVE MEANING. Seems like it makes sense, don’t it? I get the feeling that we all think that we say what we mean. But how often is that true? I’ll bet you have all heard people say: “Look…love me or hate me…I say what I mean.” It even seems to be a quality to look up to. Or how about this one: “You know…I kind of admire him/her…he/she doesn’t care what anybody thinks.” It sometimes appears that saying whatever is on your mind whenever you want is a trait of being free and speaking honestly. But I have my doubts about that. Is saying whatever you feel like in whatever moment you choose honest? I’m having serious doubts about it.

How does this pertain to men and women’s misunderstandings of each other?

Well…when it comes to some of the women I’ve dated, I’ve been asked in a very straight forward manner: “please don’t say things you don’t mean.” I do my best, but that doesn’t mean I’ve perfected the art of transparency. I’m pretty aware that I am far from prefect.

I can remember one instance where I told a woman I was dating that I cared about her before she was ready to hear it and I was ready to back it up. But, I did legitimately feel that way. And to this day, I’m still operating under the assumption that she probably felt the same way at that time. It just was not the best time. When she pointed that out to me, I thought about it, and never said those things to her again. We continued to see each other, and things seemed to go well. However, a few months later, I found myself telling her the exact same thing. I told her, “you can’t go around telling me you love me if….” I really don’t think this particular “if” matters, because we all have our own “ifs” when it comes to what irritates us in someone else’s behavior, but feel free to insert your own experience after my “if.” Funny enough, this time, she was saying things she couldn't back up.

It seems to me that misunderstandings sometimes come from being comfortable with someone. How many of us have heard or said “don’t ever talk to me again” to or from someone we care about? Now, if we or they took those words at face value when they weren't meant, many of our friendships and relationships would be in serious trouble. The problem comes when we forget that our mates aren’t mind readers. How often can you tell someone things you don’t mean and expect them to think you’re just mad for the moment?

Another problem is this: when you say things that have no meaning because you’re upset, there is no guarantee that those things will fade. When I look back on some of the women I’ve dated, I wonder how much our thoughtless words contributed to our problems. If anything, I at least think back to all of those conversations and think twice before I say things that can’t be taken back. Emotions are not like a faucet. Unless you’re a psycho, you can’t just turn them off and on at will. But then again, being considerate of someone else’s feelings most of the times takes practice. Sometimes, it’s a practice your mate can or can’t work on. If they don’t really care, it’s probably time for some serious decisions.

Peace and Love,

nosthegametoo

WHY DO WE ALLOW ANYBODY TO YANK OUR HEART ?

Recently I found out that one of the guys I knew, whom I adore with my whole heart and appreciate him more than he can guess, was in love with me. They say knowing is beautiful but in my case it is painful. It is painful because I closed my heart and soul such a way I could not see it. I used to think he just thinks I am a cool person to hang out with. My heart was broken at least 2 times.

First time, when someone yanked my heart and walked over it, I thought I would not survive. I thought it was it … it was end of the world. The world, which is not fair and equal...The world that is so selfish. The world that takes advantage of pure, innocent souls. Then later on I found out that fair has nothing to do with it. Nothing is fair when it comes to it. People are rational and unbelievably self-centered. I am wondering if I also possess some of those qualities. Who knows…? We never admit our own wrong-doings anyways…

Second time when my heart urinated on… drop of water of my soul rolled down on my cheeks and channeled itself to my pillow.. The next day … it left me with heavy heart… and took me to the local bar for couple of Tequila shots… The 3rd day it would leave me with terrifying hang over.. convincingly forced me to sleep entire day and leave me face to face with my sh*** mood. 4th day it would make me wake up early and go running for 12 sometimes more miles then I would swear God I will not fall in love again.

Yes, my heart and soul yanked such a way it does not exist anymore. I am happy to announce that no one will yank it again because it is not there anymore. Maybe one day it will restore and rejuvenate itself. Maybe.. Maybe not. If I am going to meet the same quality people again I prefer to live without my heart..

With love,
Loveless heart...

PEOPLE ARE INTERESTING

One of the most interesting places to interact with someone is in a chat-room. For some people it’s their only opportunity to act out and pretend to be the person they dream of being. Even a passive participant of the chat-room world can openly see this for themselves. For me, what makes chat-rooms so interesting is the full range of “Looney Toons” you can run across. I must admit I do sometimes find it irresistible to indulge my urge to create an alter-ego, but for the most part, I allow others to do that.

How does this pertain to men and women’s misunderstandings of each other?

Well…sad enough, the vast majority of women I talk to in chat-rooms are lonely. In fact, internet dating as a whole seems to be a lonely endeavor. Some women are looking to mend a broken heart, others to get back at a lover and still others who may just have an active fantasy life and want to immerse themselves in a world of escapism. Again and again women seem to have the same problems with men. Many of the problems I have passively observed stem from a misunderstanding of what women are willing to accept. Too often people in general are chasing images, rather than accepting or rejecting people. For instance, any woman who chases “bad boys” is chasing an image of man, not looking for a man. And we all know that images are easily misinterpreted. This can make someone enter a situation with one eye closed.

Sometimes I find myself having long conversations with women about their lives and feelings and ask myself where I have made mistakes in the past, or maybe where I should have realized something was coming to an end. Although there’s no way to verify that any of these are actual people or actual circumstances, I don’t think that it’s particularly important. Some of the conversations I’ve had with women left me confused which is the beginning of living a life of misunderstanding. And also something I’m trying to eliminate.

What follows is an instant message conversation from a woman I chatted with for a couple of minutes. After reading, you’ll see why:

Me: Hello
Me: How are you doing tonight?
Woman: Hello, ok and you?
Me: I can't complain about a thing
Woman: Must be nice
Me: well...we can all complain...don't make a difference though
Me: u know?
Woman: So I know
Me: what do you do during the day?
Woman: Not a damn thing
Me: married...kids?
Woman: Fuck no
Me: lol
Woman: You?
Me: naw....never married...no kids
Woman: But I bet you are an asshole
Me: what gives you that impression of me?
Woman: Because all people with cocks are assholes

It is important to note that only the user names were changed. Such bitterness. Now there’s no way of telling what actually made her bitter, and I’m not going to speculate as to the underlying cause. But it seems to me to be an important lesson. If we’re not careful about what we need and are willing to accept from a mate, friend or possible lover, it’s possible to end up extremely bitter.

Professionally and personally I wish happiness on others and for myself. And for me, a stable and happy relationship is a goal. I’m still working on understanding people, and letting people see me in a more predictable and understandable way. I’m sure that someday I’ll figure out what works for me.

Peace and Love,

nosthegametoo

There often seems to be an insurmountable chasm between the emotional understandings of a man and woman. But it is my belief that the distance between men and women’s emotional understandings of each other is far from cursed, though many of us have become jaded and feel that to be the case. In my experience, the biggest problems arises primarily because of a failure to listen; not just hear some words yapping about, but to listen, take-in and understand someone else’s perspective. My experience, or either that, dictates that unnecessary controversy based on either of those things creates a failure to accept that there is a difference between acting in self-interest and being selfish. Since I’m a man, keep in mind that I think from a man’s perspective. Also, rather than getting annoyed at something I write and thinking to yourself: “that’s not true…this guy is an idiot,” remember a couple of things:

1) Everyone is an individual, and I’ll be speaking in broad generalizations, so I would like to point out that I am aware that there are people who can prove each and every stereotype and generalization wrong. Lets be adults and look at the broad trends. Many of the things I write will appear adamant, but realize I understand that people aren’t so easily classified. But also realize it has been my experience that people aren’t so different, and it’s possible that the majority of people are relatively easy to classify.

2) I’ve never been married and have no children. So my perspective will not contain first-hand knowledge of the intricacies of either of those parts of life. If or when I speak of marriage and children, it comes from the experience of being raised by parents who have been married over 30 years (fortunately they are still living and together), and at one time being a child (pretty good childhood too). There’s no need to point out that I don’t know what it’s like to be in married life.

3) I’m going to assume everyone who reads this is capable of sophisticated thought. Although I hate it when people beat you over the head with their education, I also hate it when people dumb things down just for the sake of speaking to a broader audience. I think it often dilutes the message and it’s a subtle insult to people’s ability to think for themselves. I’m going off the assumption that everyone who reads this is intelligent. So for God’s sake, don’t put me in a box because something I said has a less than pleasing logical conclusion way down the line. I understand that I don’t “know everything.”

4) Although there are political, social, religious and other factors influencing love and relationships, REMEMBER: the issue here is men and women’s misunderstandings of each other. All my writings will be grounded in that issue, so ascribing all kinds of periphery issues to what I’m writing and getting lost in those issues will make reading any of this pointless. I’m only speaking of men and women in general, don’t get lost in peripheral issues.

5) MOST IMPORTANT OF ALL: obviously this is “just my opinion.” Please be intelligent. I’m aware that there will be logical conclusions incompatible with some of my views and there may be possible hypocrisies, that’s life. I’m not going to preface everything I write with: “this is just my opinion…but…” That’s just plain retarded. See remember a couple of things #3 to understand why.

6) FINALLY: enjoy and have fun with some of these things. You or I might learn something from it. Probably me.

Story I: Here is my first story about a guy I dated. I think he deserves all the rights to be a first person I am going to write about. Since I am not going to put people’s real name on the web I am going to give them a nickname. So I will call him Polar Bear. He is the best thing has happened to me. I meet him right after my 4 years relationship ended. He was taking economics class with me and at the same time he was a tutor. He was always nervous around me. At first I did not find him attractive at all. One day he was tutoring me and his hands were shaking and he was sweating. First I thought nothing of it. I thought he is nervous because he is not comfortable with tutoring….

When I dated him it was fun but we had all the fights… Our fights got so bad… people around us started referring us “Old married couples” So I decided we should end the relationship and we did. But we kept friendships… I know that if I am in trouble he is the one will be there for me to support me without a doubt..

What I liked about him as boyfriend

• He was reasonable… Even when he did not agree with me
• He was supportive – mental support means a lot to me
• He had bigger view of life
• Always returned phone calls
• Even though he was working a lot of hours to build his own business he always had time for me

What I did not like about him

• He did not like working out
• He did not liked me pointing flaws in his way of thinking or behavior
• It was easy to upset him
• Too quite
• He was strong headed – kill yourself he will not change his opinion
• I DID NOT LIKE FIGHTING WITH HIM OVER EVERTHING.
  
  After him I make sure I do not get involved nobody I have arguments always.

My date profile reads:

Heading: We teach people how treat us

I am open-minded, choosy, multicultural, well traveled, sophisticated but not complicated, “can do” attitude person. I do not bring drama. I am not expecting to meet anybody who can bring drama or create “drama situations.” Here is message topic for you if you decide to write to me.

1. What is the most important life-lesson you've learned?
2. How is your life different than you imagined it would be like when you were younger?
3. What do you think is the biggest mistake men/women tend to make in relationships?

My answer to this questions are:

1. What is the most important life-lesson you've learned?

Patience is valuable asset but there are times too much of patience can cause long term problems.

2. How is your life different than you imagined it would be like when you were younger?

When I was younger I wanted to travel the world. I have traveled 35 countries but still not enough. Oh yeah I used to think I would have tons of money by age 26. I am still building the foundation. I guess travel had to contribute to it too. For my foundation I need to do 2more things and I am hoping I will be able to reach to them before I hit 35.


3. What do you think is the biggest mistake men/women tend to make in relationships?
The biggest mistake man/woman make is to get too much involved other person's daily life. I think even married ppl should not do it. We all need our own space. If there is trust in relationship it should work out just fine with you knowing it where is the loved one. That being said, I wanted add that some ppl more touchy feely ppl. Just if we can keep the beat.... It all depends on person’s personality


Some people responded:

(He was an attorney)You're a challenge...that much is obvious. I noticed the questions in your headline and must answer.....ANSWER 1: Everything is impermanent (from Buddism); ANSWER 2: I don't acutally feel old as I thought I would, and I do not know everything (in fact, I believe I have more questions than when I was a kid); ANSWER 3: People hear one another, but forget to remember to listen.

(He is a doctor, I think)You seem like an interesting person to get to know- Let me answer your 3 questions

1. "And as ye would that men should do to YOU, do ye also to THEM likewise" - It's easy to say this quote but its very difficult for people to follow this. Now that i have matured i realize how important this statement is.

2. When I was young I wanted to be a judge or a doctor- I ended up being a podiatrist (foot and ankle surgery). I have been blessed in that things that I planned when I was younger are now starting to unfold how i'd like. I really haven't had any serious incidents. I try to stay goal-oriented.

3. In relationships- people tend to give up to easily when tough obstacles are presented to them. Most relationships break down from a fundamental lack of communication.

(This was some kind of weirdo who was traveling to my town wanted to get together. Yeah Right I am on my way to see you )
1) Life is way too short and valuable to sit around and worry about yesterday/tomorrow. You HAVE to live in the moment, because that is what being alive is about...
2) I assumed that I would be a multi-millionaire... just like everybody else on TV
3) Loss of respect along with being unequally yoked...

(He is a divorced musician )1. What is the most important life-lesson you've learned?
At the risk of sounding bitter: Open your eyes and see what's really happening. People often are in situations they either don't realize they're in, or they hope will get metter but won't. Neither is healthy. We frequently need help to see what's going on; someone to "show us the light" so-to-speak.

2. How is your life different than you imagined it would be like when you were younger?
In high school, I thought I had it all figured out. Ah, the young and the useless. Later, I thought marriage was forever and everything could be worked out. Now, I'm just kinda scootin' along and trying not to mess up the operation too much.

3. What do you think is the biggest mistake men/women tend to make in relationships?
We try to 'fix' each other instead of appreciating the other. We try to mold the other into what we think they should be. Instead, we should appreciate the differences, adding their qualities to our own, making the union of the two larger, stronger, and more well rounded.

(He is a young guy who attends collage)

Don’t know how to start...It would be whole lot easier talking in person but hey...

I learnt a lot of life lessons.

1) One of the most important to me in this setting would be to learn from others mistakes...u don’t necessarily have to experience something on ur own. Living in a University setting though off campus...
plenty goes on .. Id rather learn form what someone else did than take a chance and risk ruining my life and what i got going for the here and now.

2) When I was younger...I had a real childish and highly nature
and people would openly talk about how I wouldn’t amount to anything. Wouldn’t make University...wouldn’t grad high school. All that. And i almost started believing that too...ha! the jokes on them. got done
with high school. Trying to get done with this Criminal Justice Degree. U live u learn u progress, u know? So, now..I am just doing my thing with my family giving me full backing.

3) If I were to round up the biggest mistake men/women tend to make in relationships...wow...I don’t know think there are a bunch of 'em and don’t think it would be right to simply say one. I'll give one or two.

Not communicating on a constant basis. If a problem arises...don’t keep it bottled up...let the other person know in good time...coz when it comes out...its usually ugly. Can hurt feelings..

Not being honest or keeping everything real. A lack of trust from the word go would be like balancing anything on a piece of thread. Something is going to give.

Treat each other right...Show some love, respect each others desires and needs...let love grow...

Not an expert if there is such a thing, but, I know a little from what i've seen & experienced.

Bitter Love

As I mentioned before I am Internet junkie, which includes online dating too. Couple weeks ago I received this email from one gentleman. “I'm not the Donald Trump that most women dream of finding.... I'm just interested in occasional movie or dinner dates. Not interested in a relationship with anyone.I won't waste time on a long message. I've learned that writing a lot (which I have a tendency to do) gets me nowhere. Women see my ethnicity and they usually won't bother looking beyond my "hello". Being black limits who I am able to date. I don't know if it's more of an issue for women here in St. Louis, or if this is a problem everywhere.”

So I did not respond to him because I did not find him attractive and thought he is insecure. That is usually enough for me to cross someone out from my date list. The funny thing about him is that he sent the below email to my previous roommate who is Chinese. Guys, believe me girls also kiss and tell LOL. “
Why do Asian women primarily want white men? Is it because there is an assumption that white men will have more money? I find Asian women to be pretty shallow when it comes to that... well most women are...but Asian women seem to be more blatent about it.”

This is my previous roommates along answer to the short question.

“ Heading: Thank YOU! Finally! Someone who agrees with me.

In general, the white men I date here in St. Louis always answer, when I ask them why they like Asian women claim that (90%) of them say that:

1."They're not as materialistic as white women."

2."They take care of themselves better."

3."They're hot."I resent those stereotypes.

People are people everywhere. But yes, you have gotten me off on a topic that I could go on and on and on and on and on and on about. And I could go on for a long time more on this. It’s not the money that really matters in a long-term relationship. But then again, you'd probably ask, what is it then? Must be the sex, right? After all, why would a tiny petite Asian woman write to me, a black guy? It’s got to be the money, or the power, or the sex. After all, what more would a gal want, right? Again, the stereotypical response in the minds of masses (no, I'm not religious, just believe strongly in the presence of a higher being, higher calling, higher order... but I digress)..

The stereotypical response to why date a black men:

1."They take good care of their women."

2."They know how to live and to enjoy life."

3."They're better lovers" -- this is a two-part stereotype:a. they got rhythm. b. they got big dick.Ya. I finally said it. Got a problem with that? Hehe.

I'm bad, I know. But face it. Life is life. People are people. Racism permeates the earth like a foul odor that raises a stench so bad that even the tempered policies and fragant confabulation of the rich and famous with the power to plant mustard seed ideas into the minds of the masses fail miserably to erase the sensitive memories of the scent of the stench of ugly racism.There is a popular email that often wanders into my mail-box. And -- take heart, -- I do agree with the pretty words that reside inside that electronic envelope; "When you marry someone, pick someone you whose conversation you enjoy, because when the”
money is gone, and the beauty is gone, and the youthful energy is gone, you will still have conversation to enjoy in your moon lit years."

Personality is everything, yes. But corporate america and hollywood often equates personality with the ability to bullshit. That, I believe is a sad foible suffered again by the masses who have come to confuse the importance of personality and to put that ahead of character. True character is what holds a through the years. A person's personality can be easily colored and flowered, and flavored by his/her surroundings, moods, and environment. The true character of the person is what will determine whether I will enjoy the person in the long run.Sorry for this long treatise in response to your simple question. What got you started?

I thought you had emailed me sayint that you weren't interested? Good luck on your quest. If you decide not to respond to this long drawn e-mail, I do understand. I am not crazy, just different.And I enjoy and revel in my individuality. I moved to this country because of that, and to my own self, indeed, I shall have to be true. Sorry, being poetic here. It does offend some people. Yeah, I am heavy on philosophy. Like to read the philosophers, but can't carry a decent conversation about anything,I am really quite a quiet person. don't talk much, don't cause to much trouble. Just like peace and quiet. Grew up in a multicultural society where respect and dignity for each other was utmost important, regardless of creed or color. Each person was loved with equal regard, and respected equally. That's what we were taught in school. We had one history. All the different races shared one national identity. Separatism was discouraged. That grew the nation. That grew the people. And we loved each other because of the oneness of our national identity which we put before our racial differences. That, I believe is the key to building a united people. Problem is, this is a nation for free speech and the celebration of the individual and minority rights. Therein lies the paradox.Long schpiel, but that's my two cents worth.

Asian women are very money minded, especially the Chinese, Vietnamese, and Koreans. The pacific islanders are not as mercenary.The Japanese have enough money of their own, unless they come from a less esteemed family. South Asian women can be money minded too, simply because of their upbringing. Both south Asian and Chinese people pray to a money god. I believe that if a culture assigns a deity to wealth, then truly, wealth or the acquisition there0f must been a valued trait in the culture. SEA women can be very calculating, but then again, if they're of Chinese descent, they're more inclined to be so than if they were native to the islands.

The other reason why Chinese people are so calculating is because many of them are naturally entrepreneurial, whereby, the two ways of making money is 1. Making money, and 2. Saving money.Make sense?Hope you write soon (and aren’t too freak out).Bibi. “

He did not respond to her yet. If he does I will post it as well .

Enjoy ur weekend.

With Love,
Nothegame

Tired of Dating Games

MY LITTLE ABSERVATION ABOUT INTERRACIAL DATING

Today, after work out I ran to a nearby grocery store to get a bottle water. There was interracial couple walking and holding each other’s hand. They were both tall and beautiful. She was into him but he was into everything but her. That reminded me myself somehow. Because what is funny for me is that when I am in the same situation it never strikes me what the person does. I also have a stupid tendency to forgive everything when I like a guy. So now since I am taking a break putting pieces of puzzle together I can see who was with me who was with my look. Or maybe who was with me because I am exotic and have an accent. I really do not know. But I really feel dump when it comes dating.

Since I landed in the USA soil I started to learn as much as I can and find my own space in this huge and complicated but fair society. First time in my life I realized that all people have two lives: professional and personal. Depending on person people have splendid life or normal life. Splendid life means someone who is living a double life. For example, having more than one girl friend or boyfriend or having a wife but having a girl friend or two. (I will not give the names of people but all my examples based on real people). Normal life is having one girl friend or boy friend at a time. But for some reason it seems like nowadays everybody is half single. Go figure thatout.... I am not kidding... It is true..

So human being human there is not fundamental differences in interracial dating. However, it has its unique points. Some people date other race because they think it is KOOL, for some people it is just out of curiosity, for some people it is just appreciation of other person’s culture. There are a lot of people who learn about other culture and fall in love with it. That eventually leads to marriage with a person from that culture.But sometimes it can get ugly when it is based on animal instincts: sexual desire or earning bragging rights “I am “VERSATILE ” or see how many gals and guys I dated from different races”. Ohhhhhh, how impressive is that??? I am not a particular fan of those people.

I have dated couple of guys and developed a good sense of understanding who is with me because of me or who is with me because of I look different and I am a foreign chick. Lesson 101 for the people who are into interracial dating:

S/he will attend your cultural events
S/he teaches you about his/her heritage
S/he does not look around to check people’s reaction when s/he with you.(Have you even seen those interracial couples walking down on the street? They are into everything else but each other. S/he looks into eyes of other people especially the opposite race to see how people react him/her being with him/her. I am not saying s/he had to look your eyes all the time or s/he should ignore the fact people look at you. There are still some people or some part of the country people are not used to see other people, especially interracial dating.
LESSON 101 TO BE CONTINUTED….

I am sure we all at least once tried to meet somebody on the date websites. I am also part of one of those sites and have been talking with one guy.

That is what I wrote to him.

" Yeah, I also went couple dates and every time I go dates I just feel like I am better off getting rid off the idea having a boyfriend. I have been single more than 3 years and I think I can handle it. LOL For some reason people are into too much mind games or acting as if they are always busy. Nowadays I do not go to dates if I meet somebody and I am not sure ... I suggest him to go running on weekends or go to the gym with me. That way I feel I did not waste my time on somebody. It is funny how it works. Honestly I really want to put an end to my search to find a right person. I am sure he does not exist. So what do you think about this idea?”

He responded: “As for your dating perspective, I can understand not wanting to waste your time. Yeah, its hard, but you know it only gets easier when you take the pressure off trying to find the one. Keep doing the things you enjoy and surround yourself with people who do the same and I believe the person you desire will come your way. . . . eventually. We get so wrapped up in our destinations that we forget that we should be enjoying the trip. Intelligent and attractive women are not found everyday, so you will have many more people who do not deserve you than the number who do. Don't worry when your prince comes, all the frog kissing will be just a part of the beauty of the fairytale”

So what do you think , dear visitor?

It has been 3 years that I do not have any boyfriend(s). LOL. Since I am not a holy-molly girl I started dating and enjoying myself. You know how that goes.... Every guy is a bit different and unique in his own way. Oh there are some crappy and boring ones too. I found out that there are some people out there who just love mind games. While I was crazyly searching the one - the only one- I meet a cool guy, who is a model and a player too. But one thing I appreciated about him is that he told me upfront that he is into a lot of gals. So we became a good friends. Now I call him my Dr. Relationship. He gives me advice... But unfortunately he sometimes brutally honest with me.. Telling me move on and do not hang on.. that F****because he is after for piece of ass... I also understand some guys also putting their guards up.. Come on my gal friend you know that you are also into games. How often do we check guys income status before we go out with them.. I think it is wrong. Do you know what we get from that guy? Most of the time a broken heart and bitter feelings. I am not suggesting to go out somebody who can not support himself. What I am suggesting is that just find the one who has your qualities.. If you can find. I am not successful on that yet... Maybe will never be. Who knows. But meanwhile I am gonna update this blog about the guys I meet and will meet. Life is the journey.... Join me... Share with me... I welcome both genders input in this blog. I really want to find what it takes to find right man or woman and keep them...
LOVE,
NOTHEGAME