All women are sandwiched between heart and brain/mind. Females are viewed as emotional beings whereas males were always mucho. Heart is a symbol of tender feelings and emotions. Brain/mind is a symbol or product of thorough analysis of situation(s).
It is not fair to tell women are the only ones who are emotional. Everybody is emotional: males, gays, and lesbians, bis. It is a human nature to be emotional. Some of us have done a good job to keep our emotions under control. Emotions are evoked from deeper feelings. Nobody has emotions or feeling toward something we are totally unrelated. It would be even better said if I say humans do not develop emotions for the things we see no value in it.
(I am not using value in terms of worldly or monetarily meaning) I am sure man gets hurt the same amount or more in love department when they get cheated or turned down. I say more because male are more ego driven than most of females. Some women also have ego issues but it is another topic to discuss.
It is true woman can be a bit open about her emotions than men. We can cry, write hundred emails, and call over and over our loved one when they hurt us. We call to hear they feel sorry and understand our emotions. More or so we want our partners to take our feelings into consideration. Actually, it is not the consideration we care but it is a sympathy we seek most of the time. It is more true when said women need more sympathy than women are emotional. We can give people benefit of doubt when none should be granted. We give benefit of doubt with the hope that things will turn around for better. We can be patient to see if things going to be all right. That is why we all seem emotional.
How to eliminate detrimental emotions that affect love or dating relationship?
First of all we all need to enter to relationship no string attached mentality(NSA). We need to know that the fist impression or impression of first month is important does not hold truth at the love department. Somebody who steals your heart at first couple dates can also throw it out of window that easily. First impression is lust that can be fertile ground to grow love. It can also end in your or in her/his bedroom after couple love making sessions. My lovely grandma used to say “What catches the fire fast, burns faster” I ignored the meaning of it a long time. The longer I live the deeper I understand the true meaning of an old saying. (If you have issue with it let me know we will have discussion about it)
The second tack consists of scratching all your man/women of dreams theory. You do not need to give up all your negotiables, but yet be willing to give up some. A man/woman of dream can be very abstract therefore no need to describe him or her. We all have our own motivation and scarifies when it comes to choose mate. Here are some negotiable: s/he got to be this tall, this cute, six packs, big boobs, a nice round ass, and etc. Again it is very personal so I will not go further [insert your own negotiable and non negotiable here]
For a lot of people entering to relationship with preset mind is NO NO. Indeed it is hard to enter to relationship with preset mind. I would agree with people who does not support preset mind of relationships. However, I would strongly support one aspect of preset mind- every and each of us should know before entering to the relationship what QUALITIES we do not want to deal with. Oh boy, that is the life saver right here. [seriously take note]
The third make sure you are not entering relationship not because of lust or need to fill some missing part of you. You have to become a full person emotionally, physically sometimes financially. Note one thing here that all above said applies love relationship not other form of relationships. There are some relationships one should not negotiate even a pinch. Some relationships are even not worse for consideration.
The key factor in relationships is always behind our desire what we want out of it. So, it is up to you to know what YOU want out of your relationships. Be true to yourself, your partner and your expectations. Try to control emotions. Emotions can be so precious at the time can be valued so pricelessly.
Side Note: I have seen when people do not want to deal wiht somebody the call that person emotional. What they really mean by that is this: You are bothering me; just stop telling me all the garbage you were about to spit. Most problems can be fixed if it was listened to and given consideration. Understanding, loving and caring partner most of the time will listen. But please do not abuse that also.
So what is your negotiable(s) at the love department?
It is not fair to tell women are the only ones who are emotional. Everybody is emotional: males, gays, and lesbians, bis. It is a human nature to be emotional. Some of us have done a good job to keep our emotions under control. Emotions are evoked from deeper feelings. Nobody has emotions or feeling toward something we are totally unrelated. It would be even better said if I say humans do not develop emotions for the things we see no value in it.
(I am not using value in terms of worldly or monetarily meaning) I am sure man gets hurt the same amount or more in love department when they get cheated or turned down. I say more because male are more ego driven than most of females. Some women also have ego issues but it is another topic to discuss.
It is true woman can be a bit open about her emotions than men. We can cry, write hundred emails, and call over and over our loved one when they hurt us. We call to hear they feel sorry and understand our emotions. More or so we want our partners to take our feelings into consideration. Actually, it is not the consideration we care but it is a sympathy we seek most of the time. It is more true when said women need more sympathy than women are emotional. We can give people benefit of doubt when none should be granted. We give benefit of doubt with the hope that things will turn around for better. We can be patient to see if things going to be all right. That is why we all seem emotional.
How to eliminate detrimental emotions that affect love or dating relationship?
First of all we all need to enter to relationship no string attached mentality(NSA). We need to know that the fist impression or impression of first month is important does not hold truth at the love department. Somebody who steals your heart at first couple dates can also throw it out of window that easily. First impression is lust that can be fertile ground to grow love. It can also end in your or in her/his bedroom after couple love making sessions. My lovely grandma used to say “What catches the fire fast, burns faster” I ignored the meaning of it a long time. The longer I live the deeper I understand the true meaning of an old saying. (If you have issue with it let me know we will have discussion about it)
The second tack consists of scratching all your man/women of dreams theory. You do not need to give up all your negotiables, but yet be willing to give up some. A man/woman of dream can be very abstract therefore no need to describe him or her. We all have our own motivation and scarifies when it comes to choose mate. Here are some negotiable: s/he got to be this tall, this cute, six packs, big boobs, a nice round ass, and etc. Again it is very personal so I will not go further [insert your own negotiable and non negotiable here]
For a lot of people entering to relationship with preset mind is NO NO. Indeed it is hard to enter to relationship with preset mind. I would agree with people who does not support preset mind of relationships. However, I would strongly support one aspect of preset mind- every and each of us should know before entering to the relationship what QUALITIES we do not want to deal with. Oh boy, that is the life saver right here. [seriously take note]
The third make sure you are not entering relationship not because of lust or need to fill some missing part of you. You have to become a full person emotionally, physically sometimes financially. Note one thing here that all above said applies love relationship not other form of relationships. There are some relationships one should not negotiate even a pinch. Some relationships are even not worse for consideration.
The key factor in relationships is always behind our desire what we want out of it. So, it is up to you to know what YOU want out of your relationships. Be true to yourself, your partner and your expectations. Try to control emotions. Emotions can be so precious at the time can be valued so pricelessly.
Side Note: I have seen when people do not want to deal wiht somebody the call that person emotional. What they really mean by that is this: You are bothering me; just stop telling me all the garbage you were about to spit. Most problems can be fixed if it was listened to and given consideration. Understanding, loving and caring partner most of the time will listen. But please do not abuse that also.
So what is your negotiable(s) at the love department?
14 comments:
The typical nature of man is to detach emotion on demand. For people in general this is a protective measure. When dividing down the male and female persuasions, it is typically the male (note the term typical not "always") that is the less likely to be emotionally responsive to situations. Of course this depends on the person's ability to cope with emotional stress. Women on the other hand are typically driven by their emotions.
If you take a look at human society from a historical stand point, women are largely the care givers and protectors of home and social movement. When I say that, what I mean is, women in the absence of man assure that the social structure remains intact and that offspring continue to thrive. Men on the other hand have largely been the hunters, they venture away from the protective borders of home to obtain various things for the survival of all creatures within the structure. That is why armies have been made mainly of men. (yes I'm quite aware of the exceptions to this statement we're in generalities here).
Men kill more easily than women due to the nature of their ability to remove the emotional component (this makes a good warrior) during the act. Enter post traumatic stress disorder. Women however, kill when driven by the emotional component. In most cases that is. There are of course exceptions to this as well. But threaten a woman's child...and she becomes a seething beast of protection...threaten her own life and she will attempt just about anything to ensure that she can escape, killing is the last thing that comes to mind. She will however kill when there is no other option to pursue, even if killing the person is the most obvious route to safety from the very beginning.
This also speaks to the reason why people that train in martial arts have (largely today) a component added to their training that was not there in previous generations. This component is resistance to fighting. Today, martial arts at least in American teach you that do everything in your power to avoid fighting when confronted with a situation in which fighting is very necessary. Martial arts has never been about inner focus and "being a better person", that is not what they were created for and that is not what they teach you in the way of techniques. First, you are taught body mechanics. The method in which teaching these elements is an approach that is to make you no longer see your opponent (or rather the potential opponent) as a human being, but as an object, there is a reason for this. You are then taught techniques to exploit the mechanics of the body in a methodical manner. Again, to detach your thought process from the fact you are fighting another person, but instead an entity. Why is that? Because martial arts are designed to kill, maim, or cripple an opponent. In the past maiming someone guaranteed they would attempt to come after you. Crippling someone would guarantee that they would hire someone to come after you. Killing them ensures you do not have to face that opponent again. And there can be no emotion barring you from doing just that.
Oh and as far as negotiables....I absolutely insist on intelligence. And that she not be a christian...(yes I'm willing to qualify that if necessary). Looks are negotiable as well....I prefer the average looking homely sort. I don't like model types..if you catch my drift. Okay I'm done.
That he is a christian and loves God and his family. IF he can't love them, how can he love me.
Thanks for stopping by my blog!
I WISH my boyfriend was more emotional.
I know I'm an emotional being..:-)
It is a bit unfair that women are the only ones that can express emotions and not be treated as inferior.
If I fall down the stairs, do my bones not break.
If I get stung by a bee, does my skin not break out.
If I get a paper cut, does my skin not bleed.
And when I do bleed, does my blood not be red. (Even with all the Miracle Greens I've been drinking..*LOL*)
Sorry I'm being silly. I'm in Seattle right now. In a seedy Red Lion...waiting for my room to be ready. They have this whole 3PM check in thing and it's like 1:40PM right now...*LOL*.
Sorry I haven't been showing the love lately. I have been reading, though...:-)
Storm:
We, ladies know that some males are more emotional than females. But females are being told over and over: "Oh you r just emotional. That is why we do not get along" No reality is that I am not emotional i see the things you do and that hurts me.
Prata:
I think man and woman can do equally a good job to detach emotion. It depends on person. I also agree that woman will kill for reason(s).I agree intelligence need to be one of the non-negotiable but again it depends on person. I am sure no one would like extremely intelligent person who is always inconsiderable.
Ms Rose:
I agree with you. As humans, we all need GOD or principals in our life.
Liya:
Isn't what we all want? If you find a key how to make him more emotional you found key to treasure that could make you very rich. Do not forget to share though :)
E:
I am glad you are back to my world. I was wondering about you. I was thinking what happened to him. Man I mean it. I started missing you. SO pls do not make me miss you again L
I am getting to an age where I need some sort of concrete things. Attractiveness is nice, great personality necessary but what really attracts me to a man is a good job and goals.
i don't think women entering into a NSA is a positive or productive thing.
I think that will simply hinder the relationship and cause lots of struggle because the woman doesn't have to have expectations.
Expectations and strings are good, even if the relationship isn't going anywhere -- in my opinion.
I don't think I would agree that men are brain washed to think that emotion is weak. That may be true in the US and certain other countries but men are just as capable of emotion as women..and the expression of emotion is valued in many other countries.
It's important to understand that society was on more than on occasion forced to have men be less emotion (visibly) because there were circumstances in which it was ncessary for a man (or boy as it were) to be truly a man (read that was he was forced to be a soldier...a non emotional entity). The problem here is that societal standards are very slow to change. Society is quick to change in adversity (all cultures) however there is little reason to change if it is simply working.
Taking this into account, there was a time when it was necessary to be a hero and have heroes. Heroes fight the good fight, and he doesn't let emotion reign in this fight for justice. That is the case for american society especially during both world wars. It's not brain washing, it's the need to cope with circumstances that are adverse to societal standards. It's reactionary.
i dont agree that it is typical nature of man to detached on emotion. that is an excuse for not dealing w/ issues. we always look at things under such a hetero landscape that straight men often forget gay/bi can be very emotional and have freed themselves from the rigid combines of constructs and thinking it is "nature." also, looking at human society from a histrocial point of view is great - but how about NOT lookin at it from a european or american point of view. emotionality drastically changes ... i truly love your blog and i feel your plight. while it is challenging to be gay/bi - i would HATE to have to deal w/ straight men in relationships!!!!
Words
I am so glad to hear from you. Are you still in the States?
That Girl
I understand where you coming from.
Rell
NSA relationship is a good start because you give a room to feelings to grow. When you enter relationship with anticipation that cause a lot of problems.
Armaedes
Unfortunately that is life lesson for me :(((
Zaria
First of all welcome to my blog. 2nd of all you are a lot smarter than me to understand that saying. I have heard it all my life but ignore the real meaning.
Prata
You have thought provoking ideas. Man they are very welcomed :)It gives me something to think.
Cane
I am so honor to hear that you like my blog. You know I could have married you :) for your writing skills. I know I know what you think... I hope one day I can write like you.
I think we're all fooling ourselves if we think that men and women do not experience emotions differently, in a broad and generalize sense. It has FAR less to do with the individual, than it does the SEX of the individual. I don't think it's helpful to misunderstand each other by trying to pretend to BE each other.
Men are more detached from certain forms of intimacy that women are not; the opposite can be true in other circumstances. There certainly are emotions that women experience more intensely; the same goes for men.
I think some women do themselves a great disservice by fooling themselves into believing they can act like men (or their perception of what they think that means); their experience over the long-term will seldom (if at all) be the same.
Ever met an OLDER and WISER woman that wished she had given her body away to more men that didn't care?
Ever met ANY old man with that delima?
@ Cane:
Dealing with straight women on a romantic level is certainly no picnic. Believe me on that.
we tell our sons to stop crying, suck it up, be a man, dont show pain....then we get mad when as grwon men they cant express their emotions for fear of being called a bitch or a fag. It's rough, but its real.
Great post. I'm also emotional and felt alot reading it.
I would like to quote from this in a post, would that be okay? Linking back to you, of course.
Post a Comment