It’s been a while since “Nos” has recorded his thoughts on relationships in blogworld, but first, I’d like to thank everyone who takes the time to read this blog for their kind comments and e-mails. I often thought blogs were silly little diaries before I had one. Now, I still think they are, but I enjoy reading the thoughts and comments of others, so I guess I enjoy silly things. I guess what I’m saying is this: Thanks to everyone, especially those who still stopped by during my hiatus from posting.
A BIT OF SWEET AND SOUR
In the last few months I’ve been more focused on myself. In some ways, it’s a new thing for me. But all in all, I’ve found that my life is quite interesting and colourful. I’m looking forward to the wonderful weather of summer, and to be honest, “Nos” is feeling pretty good at the moment. I suppose the reason for my good mood might be the realization that it doesn’t rain forever, and even when it does, you can still play in the rain.
How does this pertain to men and women’s misunderstandings of each other?
Well… I’ve heard that every advantage has its disadvantage. Or like the band Poison said: “Every Rose has its Thorn.” I really think that it’s true. While it’s critical to beware of thorns, I’m taking a bit more time to lean closer to the world around me, so I don’t forget that it’s the rose that we covet in life, not awareness of the thorns on its stem.
This is especially true when it comes to people. I think that we often run into big problems in our relationships when we merely tolerate, and refuse to accept the various idiosyncrasies, in our partners, that come with the wonderful attributes that attract us to our mate. I mean, come on, we all do silly and weird stuff sometimes, whether WE think they are nuts or not. It might stem from childhood, family-life, life-experience, or any other emotion-shaping interactions (goods ones and bad).
Because we have to deal with people are they are, even when they act like an ass, I think it’s important to take time to remember the little things that make us love them.
As an example, I’ll offer a short story about a friend of mine.
My friend and I have a relationship much like a brother and sister. That’s how my mother describes it. We speak to each other in a frank and straightforward manner. Plus, we get on each other’s nerves like family. But we also love each other like family. Since I’ve known her, she’s even met my two best friends (one of which she hates. But in her defense, he was unusually obnoxious the day he met her. As a result, she refuses to accept that he’s a good man… which he is). That’s important to me because I always keep one little secret from people: I only introduce people important to me to my family (and my two best friends are considered family. I have known them since was about 6 years old). So all in all, she has been a good friend to me.
I’m not too much into plants, but I have a special plant near a window in my home. This isn’t just any plant; its life has a special meaning to me. In fact, I often take a minute to do nothing more than watch my plant. I know, I know, it sounds silly or girlish, but I have a well-reasoned sentimental attachment to the life of that particular plant. Unfortunately, I haven’t always been the best steward of my plant. But recently, I’ve noticed some new growth. It’s actually exciting.
Now, I can’t take credit for the new growth. While I had maintained the plant, it was my friend who came over one day, noticed it needed some pruning/extra care, and spent a good deal of time sprucing up my plant. I’m grateful for that. I watch that new growth everyday. It really does mean a lot to me.
What the hell am I talking about?
Well… my friend can be pig-headed, insensitive, mean, and can drive me up a wall. But the truth is: I’m sure I have a bit of that in me too. But I’ll be honest, I’m not NEARLY as hot-tempered.
When I look at my plant, which means a lot to me, I can see some of the sweet things she has done for me. So when I think of some of her less than admiral traits, I’m reminded that like everyone else, she has her faults, as I have mine.
I guess what I’m thinking is this: I need to take some more time to analyze some of the sweeter blessings in my life… even if there are some thorns that go with my roses.
Isn’t it easy to forget the nice things?
Peace and Love,
nosthegametoo
How does this pertain to men and women’s misunderstandings of each other?
Well… I’ve heard that every advantage has its disadvantage. Or like the band Poison said: “Every Rose has its Thorn.” I really think that it’s true. While it’s critical to beware of thorns, I’m taking a bit more time to lean closer to the world around me, so I don’t forget that it’s the rose that we covet in life, not awareness of the thorns on its stem.
This is especially true when it comes to people. I think that we often run into big problems in our relationships when we merely tolerate, and refuse to accept the various idiosyncrasies, in our partners, that come with the wonderful attributes that attract us to our mate. I mean, come on, we all do silly and weird stuff sometimes, whether WE think they are nuts or not. It might stem from childhood, family-life, life-experience, or any other emotion-shaping interactions (goods ones and bad).
Because we have to deal with people are they are, even when they act like an ass, I think it’s important to take time to remember the little things that make us love them.
As an example, I’ll offer a short story about a friend of mine.
My friend and I have a relationship much like a brother and sister. That’s how my mother describes it. We speak to each other in a frank and straightforward manner. Plus, we get on each other’s nerves like family. But we also love each other like family. Since I’ve known her, she’s even met my two best friends (one of which she hates. But in her defense, he was unusually obnoxious the day he met her. As a result, she refuses to accept that he’s a good man… which he is). That’s important to me because I always keep one little secret from people: I only introduce people important to me to my family (and my two best friends are considered family. I have known them since was about 6 years old). So all in all, she has been a good friend to me.
I’m not too much into plants, but I have a special plant near a window in my home. This isn’t just any plant; its life has a special meaning to me. In fact, I often take a minute to do nothing more than watch my plant. I know, I know, it sounds silly or girlish, but I have a well-reasoned sentimental attachment to the life of that particular plant. Unfortunately, I haven’t always been the best steward of my plant. But recently, I’ve noticed some new growth. It’s actually exciting.
Now, I can’t take credit for the new growth. While I had maintained the plant, it was my friend who came over one day, noticed it needed some pruning/extra care, and spent a good deal of time sprucing up my plant. I’m grateful for that. I watch that new growth everyday. It really does mean a lot to me.
What the hell am I talking about?
Well… my friend can be pig-headed, insensitive, mean, and can drive me up a wall. But the truth is: I’m sure I have a bit of that in me too. But I’ll be honest, I’m not NEARLY as hot-tempered.
When I look at my plant, which means a lot to me, I can see some of the sweet things she has done for me. So when I think of some of her less than admiral traits, I’m reminded that like everyone else, she has her faults, as I have mine.
I guess what I’m thinking is this: I need to take some more time to analyze some of the sweeter blessings in my life… even if there are some thorns that go with my roses.
Isn’t it easy to forget the nice things?
Peace and Love,
nosthegametoo
6 comments:
Maybe our need of being in control leads to misunderstandings in relationships.
We want that our mate be what we want to be or what we think we desire to be.We forget that humans are different and in love we should accept our mate entirelly, with roses and thorns alltogether.
But in the end all comes down to one thing:our capacity of being understandable and tolerate the other if we decide that is worth it.
"it doesn’t rain forever, and even when it does, you can still play in the rain." Simply beautiful.
Interesting post as usual.
That was a beautiful post. Is so true. I have had many thorns in my life which have led me to have a few people near me. almost everyone that I meet either takes advantage or doesn't really care. A very lucky person to have such people in your life.
I think I'm at times a bit too nice. People keep saying that to me too.
Some times life brings you very special flowers which tend to die but even if they do, their death leaves you with memories you will treasure for ever.
What a wonderful post!
This really helps to remind me not to discount people so quickly. Sometimes I get agitated easily dismiss others when they act in a way I don't agree with, but in doing that not only do I fail to see all their wonderful traits and qualities, I'm also forgetting (as you so eloquently said) that I some not-so-nice attributes myself. Maybe even the same ones that I so despise in others...
I second what Amber has said. We want control in a relationship probably to prevent ourselves from getting hurt. Nevertheless, we need to be empathetic to our partners if we hope to have a good relationship.
I think one of the problems is that most people don't want to take time in a relationship anymore. The minute it doesn't work for them; they want out. These people will usually use their mates "flaws" to get out of the relatiohship. It's just sad.
Love this post. I have actually thought of taking a break from posting. Most of my recent posts have been bad or trite or rushed, save one. And I have been thinking about what I have been doing. Wondering if I am just watching life go by or not.
Maybe a break is in order to get back on the right path for me. Did I say that out loud?
@ amber7dragonfly:
I agree with you. Needing control definitely leads to misunderstanding. Perhaps seeking control is a round-about way of not acknowledging that you are in fact dependent.
@ maizzy:
Watching a flower wilt is difficult. It’s even harder to watch it die. But we can learn and grow for the experience.
@ marissa:
Dismissing people quickly can be a problem. I have a close friend who by all means should have never talked to me again after I slept through our date to go to the museum.
But then again, everyone isn’t worth our time.
@ sumeeta:
What I’ve found is that protecting ourselves for pain probably causes just as much, and even worse, it prevents us from seeking happiness.
These things aren’t easy. I guess it’s why it take a lifetime to learn them.
@ leesa:
Your loving and adoring public would miss you tremendously if you didn’t post. And by the way, I haven’t read anything on your blog I would consider “trite.”
Either way, you’ll have, a fan on this blog.
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