SEMANTICS: PART I
REPACKAGING REALITY

NOTE: Remember, this posting is about men, women and relationships. Please, don’t get side-tracked with the opening material, or your political sensibilities.

At 10:30 a.m. on January 17, 1998, at the downtown Washington D.C. law offices of Robert S. Bennett, then President Bill Clinton gave a sworn deposition that would soon become the talk of the world. But the real firestorm would not come until January 26, 1998, when he appeared before the nation and uttered these now infamous words: “I did not have sexual relations with that woman, Monica Lewinsky.”

It’s not necessary to go into detail about the events that followed. However, what I would like to highlight this colourful use of language. This is a fine example of how we can manipulate the definition and meaning of words; and whether or not certain words should be interpreted in a loose and contemporary manner.

How does this pertain to men and women’s misunderstandings of each other?

Well… often in life, we walk around under the impression that we communicate clearly. Most of us think we say exactly what we mean, and that those words are understandable. This is hardly the case. There are countless major communication problems when we are dealing with people as a whole, and in relationships in particular.

When we communicate with others, most of the time we have a goal in mind. We want our words to be perceived a certain way. So, we often tailor our words and come up with new designer rhetoric. Sometimes we're trying to fool the world at-large, but other times we're just fooling ourselves, and confusing our own understanding of life or relationships.

I find that people often attempt to over-inflate or devalue terms and words so that they can redefine them in a manner they find personally satisfying.

IS THIS BAD? Not necessarily.

Sometimes fresh ways of stating things leads to fresh thinking. On the other hand, I don’t think it’s a good thing when we seek to take words and terms out of reality and place them into a dream world. I find more and more that it only confuses us and makes it tougher to make decisions based on good and valuable judgments. It’s amazing how many of us are afraid of the dreaded word: “Judgment.” Ohhhh… you can’t do that. Apparently, there’s nothing worse than judging anything.

For instance, consider the “casual” relationship built upon sex. It’s now sometimes popular to call these arrangements “Fuck Buddies” or “Friends with Benefits.” Why are these terms becoming increasing more popular? Your guess is as good as mine, but it seems to me that it’s an attempt to devalue a relationship by attempting to separate reality from function. I’ve found that many people consider the word “Relationship” to be a title, so by attempting to devalue their relationship with coarse language, they fool themselves into believing there’s no culpability for their actions; somehow they’ve fooled themselves into believing that you can have all the privilege you want, but none of the responsibility. Good luck on that. Anybody fooling around like that will need it.

In reality, a casual relationship IS a relationship. If you interact with someone regularly, you have entered into a relationship. Now, whether or not you have committed yourself to fidelity is another story all together. But make no mistake, a casual relationship IS a relationship; like it or not, and even though we find ourselves afraid of being “Judged” as promiscuous or trashy for fooling with people without commitment (and please, let’s not do the whole “double-standard” thing either. I’m perfectly willing to label a man as a slut or a hoe too.).

Now, I’m sure there are people out there that will claim to have the perfect situation worked out. I always have my doubts. For instance, about two years ago, one of my closest friends tried explaining to me how he had the “perfect” casual relationship. Funny enough, for the first month or two, the situation was as “perfect” as anything like that can be. The situation continued for almost a year. By the end of that time, they were all but boyfriend and girlfriend only without the respective titles. But, their uncommitted situation was driving them crazy with jealousy. The situation finally came to a head in a parking lot after an evening event they both attended, separately. A very obscene situation erupted in full-view of the public. Quite hilarious for me, but a horrible embarrassment for my friend.

It seems to me that the best possible situation in casual terms is where one or both parties has no regard for the feelings of the other, and at the drop of a dime, you or they could throw the other party away like yesterday’s newspaper. I don’t know about anyone else, but I hardly see the perfection is misusing someone. That’s not a game I’m willing to play. I've had my share of silly. For those of you who crave conflict and trouble, good luck to you. As for me, I have plenty of stress in this life and I don’t need to manufacture any additional problem(s) which can easily be avoided.

Bottom line: I find that people are serious about a whole lot of silliness. A warm body is never as good as a loving one. Though, some people crave the excitement of continually seeking greener and newer pastures. I wonder how often that grass is really greener. I’m not saying commit to the next girl or guy you spend some romp-around time with. That might not be a solution. But be careful with the RELATIONSHIPS you create. Life is about relationships with people: financial, familial, romantic, business, mentoring, friendly, adversarial or so on.

These days I’m doing my best to cultivate the ones that bring the greatest value to my life. It’s not easy, and I’ve been a fool along the way, but I’m getting better.

Peace and Love,

nosthegametoo