It is a follow up with "If loving you is wrong , I do not want to be right" Originally posted at Saturday, December 03, 2005

Before entering anything I want to thank Prata for bringing a light to my way of thinking. He carefully but very rightly describes essence of relationship. “but a relationship (in romantic terms) is an attempt or creation of relations which draw people closer together”

2ndly after posting it I thought more about open-end relationships. One thing I forgot to mention is that an Open-End relationship is temporary fix someone’s insecurity or person thinks s/he trying to be sleek. Being sleek means one person in relationships, most of the time both involved person, knows that you tried to have all your cake and eat it as well. Unless person is a great player of human emotions it is very obvious one of you really trying to be sleek. People tend to think--let me keep this gal as well as other-- or --let me keep this guy as well as others-- see what will happen.

But believe me, after a while or after a certain age, people want more than a game in life. Open end relationships always close and leave a deep scar one of the involved person’s heart. No good. Stay away before you burn yourself in it. Sometimes, especially if one is young or have no intentions for anything serious, open end relationship seems alright. Actually it feels right because it seems you have all of your cake on your plate. Actually you never had it.

Blueprinces, when person young and bold half is satisfactory sometimes more than satisfactory. When people get older and have certain needs from a man/woman. When they are not meet people start looking at their value judgments. Nothing horrible than look back and say uh oh I wasted such a long time on so and so… I wasted my time. Time is valuable asset but oftentimes we ignore the importance of it when we are young and bold.

Fear of being alone should not lead a person to stay in open-end relationship. Trying to be sleek lead open end relationship but not fear. Sometimes fear can be if person is insecure. B/c it leads more emptiness along the way. Fear can not be filled with emptiness. I look at it this way: If fear makes me uncomfortable then being empty inside creats the same feeling then I am better off having one negative feeling rather than two negatives. I also understand if somebody in her late teens or early 20’s and thinks open-end relationship is OK as Edz described, “discovering yourself.” I would feel bad for somebody in my age, who still thinks discovering herself. After certain age letting others take advantage of us is a silliness. If somebody feels ok with open end relationship and thinks it works for him/her then good luck as long as person does not complain when s/he gets hurt. Remember it is not matter of if it is matter of when. Maybe it is fine in my age to discover yourself but not in love department. Open-end relationships lead a scar in heart, therefore not recommended.

Laselleb I am glad you moved on. It is better move on rather then being stuck to it. A lot of ppl hung on it as long as they can.

Brea I agree with u and blueprinces hurt is not avoidable it is not matter if it is matter of when.

Parata, you said it best “You are having an agreed (sometimes) upon set of interaction terms” So I officially change the name of open-end relationship to Parat’s definition. One thing is noteworthy: most of the time open-end relationship does not have interaction terms. Interaction terms are built under as you go principle.

Aisha, I do not think ppl who r any of those described relationship lacks self respect. I think people have different way of experiencing and learning from life.

Deb, any woman who in those relationships knows what she got herself into. Most women love to give men a benefit of doubt. I am not saying women are wholly molly but women are more emotional. They think if he holds me this way he loves me, he kisses me this way he loves me. I understand sometimes we get emotional need from somebody but a mind blowing sex from somebody that does not care. I look at it from a different angle: a moral & comfort perspective. When it comes to a moral judgment of sexual life I hate to judge people. I rarely will call something immoral unless it is related to me. I live moral judgment to people. It is something I do not do.

Comfort perspective open-ended relationship or mind blowing sex is not healthy if u want to have a log term. A long term it will harm rather than bring joy. If that is what u want go for it. Why not? All I can do is to tell you it will end one day and what will you do? I have so many scenarios to talk about. It is just not advisable for somebody who is looking for a healthy and functional relationship to accept those terms and yet to believe something healthy is going to come out of that mess. If somebody is not expecting healthy, functional relationship then hey, what r u losing, right? Deb feel free to ask any questions and I or my co-bloger will answer it on the next post.

Rell are you type one or type 2 “we are close friends” relationship?

With love,

No_the_Game