We all know it is arduous, derogating, burning, and humiliating feeling. Awareness of the feeling makes it humiliating. S/he knows closing eyes on a pain bringing aspect of relationship is not solving the probelm.
Name it what ever you want.
- Open ended relationship
- Non decisive-relationship
- We are “close friends”.
Talk about pain and comfort these relationships can bring. Noooo... try to imagine what combination of two,pain and comfort, can bring? I am sure some of us felt "the combination" more than others, but we all have felt at some point in life. If you are one of those a few lucky people who have never felt it, please do your best to remain that way.
If somebody is happy with any of those relationships I wish all luck in the world to that person. If those types are not for you then be proactive. Make decisions and stick to it. Yes stick to it. Have you ever been in the situation you tell yourself “THAT IS IT. I AM OUT OF THIS RELATIONSHIP.” Then the next thing you do when you see that person you tell yourself “LET’S DO IT FOR THE LAST TIME” Are you aware how many last times we have if we do not make that last decisions and stick to it?
There are a lot of reasons people have those relationship.
Open-end relationship, most of the time, is a product of not meeting anybody you would love to have in your life for a life time. Or you are just a helpless sadist who loves an emotional ache. It can also be a product of your blindness. If you keep an open end relationship and you are devoted to it, please seek a professional help, b/c sky is falling (you can tell I watched Chicken Little recently) Open end relationship will be closed one day by one of you or it will destroy your life. I am positive about that.
I do not unnecessarily think it is a horrible thing but for a long haul it is a very dangerous fire to play. However, I do understand why there are lots of open-end relationships. Reasons for it, are bigger than me. I will leave it there or write about it later.
A none-decisive relationship is fine as long as sex is not involved. If sex is involved most likely it will end up “I hate you. Disappear from my life". Non-decisive relationship is also not for a faint-hearted people. You got to realize this type of relationship can take a right or left turn. Because nature of relationship is none-decisive it means you are both free to do whatever you want to do. Even sometimes it means you need to be selfish or aggressive about your goals w/out putting nobody’s feeling into an account.This type of relationship cultivates a strong friendship if people agrees on terms of it as well as understands it can take a right or left turn.
I would not recommend a lot of people to enter a none-decisive relationship. The reason is simple: most men or woman nowadays chose not to be honest. Honesty does not mean you have to tell all details of your life but it simple means you will be honest with significant other anything relates to her/him. A lot of people in this relationship make their own decision to move on w/out other involved person's concent. There is a fine line between to be fooled and having a none-decisive relationship. Because line is so fine, I refuse to recommend it to anybody. Honest people, who know human heart is not a toy a none- decisive relationship is a good option for a person who strangled with life mattering decisions and do not want to be strangled in other departments of life. Sometimes life does not give us all of that in one place and at desired time. It is almost heartbreaking for me when I see people who think they have a none-decisive relationship but in reality it is a one-way love relationship. So be aware of that.
There are two types of “we are close friends” relationships. First is flat out lies. I just hate those. “We are close friends” AKA “We are Fuck buddies” . There are more than handful people who think they are decent by not saying "we are fuck buddies". They will argue with you how wrong it is to say it out loud but they will do it. (I am not judgeing nobody. That is my opinion) Those types I even do not want to give a minute of my time to write or think.
Second type of “we are close friends” relationships is based on a strong personal, emotional and a support bond that is intertwined with sex. This type of relationship is a potential guilt bag that you carry in your heart all the time. You would be surprised to know how many people have this relationship. It is hardest relationship to break away. It is hard because you know a person you are with cares about you. You know if something happens, no matter what, that person will be your support system. This person listens, cares, criticizes, and fights because he/she cares.
Even though this type of relationship is convenient and physically comforting it is emotionally destructive. One of the involved individuals will get hurt end of the “we are close friends” silliness. Because we are all humans we all have issues with jealousy and desire not to share. This relationship can end ugly or can turn into a pure friendship no sex involved. If person truly cares s/he will be there w/out sex. Sometimes this relationship becomes the best marriage life, sometimes the worst marriage life. The question here need to be answered is this: A sex mixture to relationship ingredient is b/c of convenience or b/c of the desire wanting that person in your life more than a friend.
I can sit here and type about possible outcomes of certain types of relationships but everything boils down into this: As an adult you should know what you will/can put up with what you cannot or won’t put up with.
I also want to add one more thing in a serious dating life it is advisable not to have pre-set mind about too much of details. General idea yes, too much details no. This does not imply you should not have any idea and jump on anything passes by. As time passes one should know more about what s/he will/can not put up with. Will/can not put up with list is an incremental list. That is why hurry up and get married. Kidding… kidding.
For example the longer I live more I realize I do not like stress. I try my best to minimize it but I will confront it if I have to. Rule #1 for me is if I have to stress about a person, for one reason or another, I need to get out of it. Remember the purpose of seeking love is to bring joy and calmness into our lives.
With Love,
No_the_Game
P.S. While I was moving I missed all of you. I want to thank all of you guys and my co-blogger keeping it tied. I appreicate all of you. I will also put details and pics of my moving into other blog the next week.
11 comments:
I think often people do that because they are afraid of being alone, and they thingk that being half with someone and half without them is better, but never is. All it ever does is tear you in half.
Wow...you've really broken the types of bad relationships down. I'm with blueprincesa..the fear of being alone plays a heavy part in those relationships.
blueprincesa I loved the way you described it. I always wonder about my half. Because it is not pleasant feeling, isn't it?
E- unfrotunately there are so many disfunctional relationships out there. I do not know why nowadays I think about those shitty relationships.
I kinda-sorta in agreement with blueprincess but it is sad those relationships end up ruining everything in us.
the story of my short life. my 1st love and first heartbreak. Close Friends #2. I've moved on...
Blueprincesa said it best. I guess it comes down to - somebody is going to get hurt, it is just a matter of when.
Well..I decided to take my time and ponder this one for a few. Okay so I spend 5 minutes thinking about. That's a pretty long time, the human mind is an amazingly busy organism and five minutes focused on one line of thought is quite a bit of processing. So this is what I've come up with.
The decision that you will have an open ended relationship (I'm using this term mainly because it fits into the context of each example best), is not a rational decision based upon what you have before you. It seems, to me anyhow, to be more a symptom of not knowing self. It's not fear. Fear does drive us to do things that are quite irrational if one does not and can not control one's self; however, using the idea that fear drives someone to have an open ended relationship doesn't quite work out.
The reasons I give are as follows. Fear of being alone, would mean you'd want to quickly move from one broken relationship to another. Fear drives you to get away _completely_ from whatever factor embodies your fear. So having an open ended relationship does not qualify as a fix to someone's fear of being alone. In fact, it would seem to be quite the opposite. An open-ended relationship to someone that fears being alone seems more of a "I want to keep this person around but I don't want to have a committment", and this is the same as being alone. Unless you're looking merely at the carnal side of things, where sex is of course involved, and in that instance fear of a relationship would seem to drive someone to simply move from person to person no committment, no real relationship.
An open-ended relationship seems to be, from my perspective, a contradiction of terms. Open-ended has always meant to me that there is no confinement, but a relationship (in romantic terms) is an attempt or creation of relations which draw people closer together. At least that is how I understand the spirit of the term, the definition is a bit different romanticism is mentioned in the definition.
If you are having an open-ended relationship, then you are really not having a relationship are you? You are having an agreed (sometimes) upon set of interaction terms. You're not fulfilling the need to stop your fear of being alone, because you are in fact alone. In the strict sense of the term, maybe not..after all you are not solitary, but this is in the scope of relationships and from that point, yes you are alone. Maybe you are fooling yourself out of your fear, but in the end you are very much...alone.
I think that sometimes Half is good when you are in the phase of discovering yourself. It`s like trying different pairs of shoes before deciding which one to choose. Open relationships are for rebellous minds. I also think that we can have different halves... And when you can have it all, why choose?
Wow, very well said! It seems that it boils down to HAVE RESPECT FOR YOURSELF and respect the people involved. Relationships are a work in progress. Always growing and changing. Adding un-needed stress is a bubbling pot about to boil over.
God, I don't even know where to begin. I've been here, I have come across each one of these examples almost. Still living in one of these circumstances. I think many people can relate to this all.
The sad part is, how do we know if one of these 'named' relationships is exactly that? Can people change? Do you think it's wise to follow our hearts--knowing that it may be the wrong choice?
What about for those who are still in love, but are apart? For those in different relationships, yet still very much in love?
I can ask you a million questions regarding your knowledge on relationships here.
I think each relationship is so different from one to the next, that it's hard to separate and/or put them together as a catagory.
Each person has certain needs. Sometimes, we're in love with two people. One gives nurturing, love, and unconditional emotional support. The other gives you that passion---the lust we crave, the 'in love' feeling and that excitement that we never want to stop feeling...but the nurturing has something else to be desired.
What do we do?
Life brings us to choices. Choices leaves us to circumstances and consequences. It's a forked road, and whichever path we choose, we just need to say a prayer, and hope for the best.
I heard this saying, and it really made sense. It sounds 'awful' when you just hear it--but think about the true meaning of this...
"Make sure that the person you are with...loves you...more than you love them."
It's not saying to find someone that only loves you---without it being returned back...it means, make sure that the person you love, loves you undoubtingly.
Thank you for this great read! I love your writing, always have!
i've been in a "we're close friends" relationship for about 2 years unfortunately...
I was looking for Advise on breaking up and found this great site www.saveabreakup.com I gotta admit its great and it worked for me and helped me a lot.
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