RELUCTANT TRICKSTERS IN SHEEP’S CLOTHING

“The character of Iago…belongs to a class of characters common to Shakespeare, and at the same time peculiar to him – namely, that of great intellectual activity, accompanied with a total want of moral principle, and therefore displaying itself at the constant expense of others, and seeking to confound the practical distinctions of right and wrong, by referring them to some overstrained standard of speculative refinement.”

–William Hazlitt

Now, truth be told, when I actually had to read Shakespeare, I sure as hell wasn’t all that interested in what the guy had to say. But I have to be honest, there’s a reason why his characters are so timeless and we still study them today. I suppose as I get older and read books I should have read when they were assigned, I’m finally starting to understand why I should have read them in high school.

If you haven’t had the chance to read Othello, I recommend it. I’ll bet all of us know someone like Iago, even if they’re not nearly as smart. But if you don’t have time for all that, pick up one of the more recent movie adaptations, like the one starring Lawrence Fishburne of Matrix fame. It’s not bad.

How does this pertain to men and women’s misunderstandings of each other?

Well… they say “misery loves company”, and you know what, I think that’s pretty true. I’m sure we all know that person or persons who is/are perpetually negative or always trying to find the worst in everything. What a drag!

How are you supposed to take the advice of someone who is constantly finding evil in everything? Answer: you seek a second opinion, maybe even a third or fourth.

But what of the people who have this disposition and mask their negativity with smiles, sweet-talk, and a “non-judgmental” approach to life?

Without ruining the story of Othello, Iago, one of the main characters, is about as manipulative as they come. Lies, deceit and maneuvering people is his game, and he’s damn good at it.

All of this comes to mind because of a conversation I recently had with a friend. My friend is having some serious doubts as to whether or not he’s found the right woman. She’s displaying signs of being overly demanding, ungrateful and downright childish. Personally, I’m starting to have my own doubts, but hey, I care too much to stick my nose in his business (even when he asks me to), so I just listen.

I don’t know what motivates dishonesty. What I try to do is look at myself and see when I’ve mislead those around me. Sometimes my own motives aren’t as crystal clear as I’d like. Maybe after a while it becomes a defense mechanism? I mean, if you practice being untrustworthy, I’m sure you’ll take to it like a fish to water soon enough.

I suppose my thought is this: if you know you have trouble trusting people, why lie and say you’re ready when you’re not? When you’re aware of something, and you mislead, deliberately omit, or outright lie, you’re doing a terrible disservice to yourself and your mate. It’s not a good quality.

It sucks to lose someone because you’re not ready. I’m sure by the time we reach adulthood the vast majority of us have lost someone to foolishness, or been the primary facilitator of the end of a perfectly good relationship. Or if that’s not the case, perhaps you’ve been the recipient.

The most egregious manipulations and lies come from the sweetest people; the nicest people we never suspect. It’s disturbing to know that people believe the truth makes them vulnerable. Perhaps that’s why we say “yes” when we mean “no”; or why we say “I love you”, when we only mean “I care”; or why we say “I’m fine” when it’s obvious we are not.

Games are silly. The games we play and don’t even know we are playing are destructive. But the worst games are the ones we play when we know we’re in the wrong. And by early adulthood, we all know manipulation, in all its harsh and soft forms, is not cool. I mean, who wants to be manipulated?

Peace and Love,

nosthegametoo