IN THE BEGINNING…

It seems to me that beginnings and endings are some of the toughest parts of life we can endure. Maybe it’s the uncertainly that makes them difficult to digest, or maybe it’s the other elements of the human condition that beginnings and endings provoke, like Pride. For instance, take the movie Cocktail. The entire movie is about pride. From foolish pride, to stupid pride, I feel like the movie tells a nice little story about how our beginnings and endings can be manipulated by pride.

In the movie, Brian Flanagan (Tom Cruise), after being treated like a one-eyed whipping boy by his ultra wealthy super high-class middle-aged mommy dearest, finally wises up and puts an end to his puppy-dog status. In response, she pleads with him to reconsider ending their relationship, and says, “Please. I don’t wanna end it this way.” To which he replies, “Everything ends badly, otherwise it wouldn’t end.”

Looking back on the end of more than one relationship, it’s kind of hard to say that things end well. That doesn’t mean that things can’t end amicably and in a civil manner (or as “friends”), but when all is said and done, the relationship is still over. Now, another relationship may take its place, either with that same person or with someone else, but the bottom line is that the relationship that once was is gone forever.

I know we all learn from this, and we learn from that. And I also recognize all that other jazz about how each failed relationship teaches us something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I'm not talking about life lessons, I'm talking about dealing with beginnings and endings.

My question is this: Is it important to recognize when an ending is an ending? Does that mean we should celebrate the promise of new beginnings more often when we have them? Do we know the difference between the beginning and the end? Does it matter?

How does this pertain to men and women’s misunderstandings of each other?

Well… it’s a painful truth that all relationships will end. We are parted from our friend and loved ones by distance, or time, possibly hurt feelings, maybe even growing apart or eventually death. To me, these are not necessarily reasons for great sadness, because they are normal and predictable aspects of life.

All of this comes to mind because I’ve been thinking a lot about beginnings and endings lately. For instance, over the course of the last few weeks, I’ve lost one family member connected to me by marriage, and gained a wonderful new family member through marriage. Maybe it’s because both events happened over the same weekend that makes me think so much about beginnings and endings.

When we deal with each other, especially with our mates, we are constantly experiencing beginnings and endings. Sometimes to the relationship itself, and other times we may just experience the beginning or ending of an aspect of that relationship. Sometimes it’s scary. Great changes in life and in our interactions often stretch us to the breaking point. But I always take comfort and solace in knowing that all of us are far more durable than we may think, and we don’t break so easy.

But on the other hand, it’s important to give thanks to those people who help make our lives a bit easier to live. Life is fragile. One morning you’re laughing and joking with your mate over the coffee you share every uneventful morning, and the next moment you can receive a phone call from the authorities telling you your mate will not survive the night so you better come quickly.

The small things hurt us so greatly. Sometimes seemingly insignificant details can corrupt trust. Sometimes selfish behavior can break someone’s heart. Sometimes taking care of our own selfish needs places those around us at great risk.

But it’s also important to remember that the small things in life must be outweighed by the fundamentals. Can a marriage survive infidelity? Maybe. Can a relationship survive distrust? Maybe. Can we live on after we lose a loved one. Yes, we can.

A few days ago, I walked down to Lake Michigan before sunrise to take some pictures and also capture a private moment for myself. Watching the sun rise over the lake brought back memories of some of the best and worst times in my life.

But you know what? I can’t help but smile. I’m still here. And I’m lucky enough to have almost all of my loved ones still in this life with me. When I put things in that context, the small things don’t seem so important.

Here’s to the saddest endings, and the sweetest beginnings.

Peace and Love,

nosthegametoo