A couple days ago around 6:59 pm Earth shattered for me. I felt as if massive water washed soil under my feet. Yeah, my feet were sweating, my hands were getting cold, my heart started racing. Honestly, time stopped for me for a second.

I was about to go to the gym when all these madness took place. If you wonder whether I got to the gym that day, I did not. I don’t know how you all would deal with STRESS but for me running would take care off it. Not this time!!! I even did not have any energy to think. I felt like I am pleading for my life.

I could do only one thing: Put shoes on and go out to walk. It took me more than 20 minutes to realize I was not wearing socks and had no jacket on. It was 38F in Chicago. Suddenly I realized my head was down and I was bending a bit over as if I wanted to hide.

I was wondering if I would be able to communicate my feelings to people who care about me. All of the sudden communicating felt hard to do. All of the sudden emptiness of my heart left me wordless.

I picked the phone and dialed while my hands were shaken “Hello it is me and I need to have you here with me now.” 30 min later person showed up. While holding hands I told the reason why I needed to be with someone at that moment. All of the facial expression froze a minute then silence took its place. Then we have decided to hit one of the neighborhood bars.

Conversations were carefully designed such a way it was not dumping more emptiness in my heart. I felt all the love in the world to share my feelings. While music was playing on the background our conversation was dancing around the topics we supposed to talk.

I was wondering how on the world I take people in my life for granted. I also learned very valuable lesson from that day. I learned how to be less selfish and shut the hell up when talking is not necessary.

Needless to say, I almost question of my existence in the world. I have learned more from that Earth shattering day than my entire life. 23rd of October made me realized what matters most in life. Have you ever had the moment where the entire your life is animate in front of your eyes? Yes I could see entire my life in black and white movie. I became very judgmental of me. What have I done to myself? What can I do to correct it or what can I do right in the future.

I also realized how lonely I am in life. I felt the emptiness in my life because I do not have anybody for sure in my life that I can claim with certainty. I was questioning the essence of love. What is love anyways? I wonder if all of us have our own definition of love.

What is your definition of love? What kind of relationship advice would you give if somebody would come to you and ask WHAT IS LOVE?

With Luv,

Tired of dating game
No_the_game