Since the last posting I have changed jobs and had a surgery. I am almost recovered. Besides thanking all of royal readers and my co blogger, I actually have something to talk about: Falling in and off of love.

During my recovery I had enough time to rule a lot of things out of my life, such as keeping in touch with people who had or have nothing but a negative impact in my life.

Then I had time to think about my love life. How many times I felt in love for wrong reasons?! I felt in love with the person whom I could identify with, most of the time if they had a rough life then I was hooked. Not a good reason to fall in love. What’s even worse, I felt in love with the image of the person I created in my mind.

I also realized I have being used as an old pair of jeans. I also had my own share of using others. Disgusting , horrible isn’t it? I sort of set the hurt a side with the feeling that I have used others more than enough. Knowing what I know now I can tell that is not a healthy way of dealing with life.

My first love left me emotionally bankrupt with some good and bad memories.
My second love left me with a couple of thousand dollars short and emotionally strong. I will give him a credit. Although, he knew I would give up everything to please him and have him in my life, he did not abuse my love. He did not do anything to check if I was emotionally O.K He taught me how to help a person to fall off love. Very clever and witty way , I should admit. Wait a minute I should give myself kudos for learning my lesson.

And here is another guy I started as “a friend”, lets try to see if it will work kind a deal. My so-called “friend ” relationship really developed to a strong emotional support system & bond. It also helped me to find out weaknesses in my personality. This person became somebody I actually would listen to. (It is a huge deal for me. I am exteremly an independent person I do not listen) Sometimes I would act as if I am not listening but I would take all his criticisms and advise. I slowly but surely implement-ed/ing most of them. He is somebody I want to have in my life one form or another.

Needless to say, recently (maybe a last couple of month) I start to realize I did not fall in love with him the way I felt in love before. In my own way I let him know. That is when things got complicated. As soon as I wanted to have more out of so-called “friendship” relationship it became less conversational and duller. Nowadays a lot of our conversations starts with conditional clause. I am gonna do this if you did that. Oh, you are selfish, you are not pleasing me. I am not going to play your games.

Games???? I asked myself several times. What are they? All my desire to be pleased, pampered, romanticism, extra attention, now has being called GAMES. Now there is a new behavior popped up. My phone calls are not answered or not returned timely fashion. All of the sudden he stated spending time with "his boys."

I am no angel by any standards but I am older now. I understand a lot of things. There are a lot to be altered in my behavior and he has to alter some of his. Then this “a friend ” relationship might work.

One thing scares crap out of me though. In my first love I altered a lot of my behavior and it lead nowhere. After my first relationship I had this slogan : If I have to give up who I am to retain relationship it is not worse it because stake is too high.

Now I have the same dilemma and indication of having the same results.

Question of the day is how do you fell off love ? How did that happen? What would you recommend me to do?

Thank you so much for reading!!!!!!

Love,

No_the_Game