Dear You,
I meant to write you this letter a long time ago. I know we both love and hate each other. First, I was not ready then it was you. This letter is not about blaming you. The intent of the letter is to let you know how I am feeling. I know probably you are shaking your head and thinking “ Here we go!!! She is talking and it is all about her”
I am also not trying to play dating games here as you always say.
I am aware that I am not good considering your feelings. But haven’t I made progress on this? You know at least I tried. I am trying my best, sometimes even more than best. But I am scared that I am loosing myself in between. I was in relationship where I gave up who I was. And it ended up taking more than 6-7 years of my life. It took me a long time to be me again. It lowered my self-esteem and took me place where I shouldn’t have been at the first place.
Do you know why I loved you? I loved you because you knew where low self-esteem took me but you stick beside me. You hold my hand & walked with me. You taught me things that I would have not learned by myself. You showed me how to love myself and respect myself. You have changed my life the day you stepped in. I can tell with certainty that I am a different person today than I was before.
But…
You even didn’t think your words would hurt me as much, did you? It took a long time for me to get comfortable with you. It took longer than I thought it would take my heart to warm up and extend wings of my soul so it can be a guardian of your feelings. In meanwhile you called me a person who plays dating games? You kept telling me you were not sure if I was tired of dating games or ready to give up my dating games. I've never played any dating games with you or with anybody else.
It took me really a long time to value you. It took me a long time to realize you are made out of a different material than I was used to. I took me a long time not to scale you in the same way I was scaling everybody.
Boy, wasn’t I wrong? I thought you are special and a person who truly loved me. You insulted me with your words the way I was not insulted before. I feel like you grabbed my heart and dragged over the rough stones and mud. My heart is bruised, it is in pain. But my mind keeps telling me I will be able to put all these behind and move forward.
What is in your mind?
With luv,
Tired of dating games
No_the_game
Dear readership I would like to ask you to respond this letter as if it was written to you.
10 comments:
I don`t have a reply to this letter but I just wanted to say that I was in a 10 year marriage where I gave up my identity too....anything to please the other. Bad thing to do. What a wonderful weight off it was to get it back. Thanks for visiting my blog :)
tea
xo
Words don't hurt me. Actions do.
Hey Sweetheart,
Do whatever you need to do to heal and move on with your life. You've learned a lot about yourself and you've become stronger because of all that you have survived. You know that you can be with someone without giving them the power to control how you feel. Take that knowledge into your bright and beautiful future.
Dear No the game: It sounds like it was not a very healthy relationship. I was in a relationship for years where I lost myself. It took me a long time after the break-up to know what I like to do and what I had been “taught” was fun. If you understand what I’m saying? I’m still trying to figure myself out.
If you meet a person who makes you like who you are: I think it’s a healthy relationship. No games, no facades – just plain you. With the good and the bad, with the secrets and the moods. Everything. Why would you consider someone’s feelings who is not considering yours? Free yourself from that person if you can. Why did this person “stick” with you? Did it make him feel better about himself to be with someone who felt worse? You know if that is true: he would not allow you to feel better. It’s a destructive relationship. In a healthy relationship people support each other and are happy for one another’s progress.
I’m not saying it’s easy. Even my mom says that you have to work on a relationship every day. It’s not just going to appear. Just as we have to make sure to have a professional attitude at work, we have to think about having a loving attitude at home. It not just given to us. But the foundation has to be there. It shouldn’t have to be a struggle from day one. There has to be some mutual respect and genuine curiosity to get to know each other for it to work. At least that’s what I think.
I hope your heart is healing!
Hi guys,
I just wanted to thank you very quickly for your responds. They are greatly appreciated. I am going to respond to them tomorrow. I am so tried right now I even can not sleep. It is almost 11 pm and I stilled need to finish couple of stuff.
With luv,
No_the_game
Tired of Dating Games
Damn. I think you need to judge intentions as well. I do not think I would intentionally hurt anyone so if I did I would apologize. I say things in the heat of the moment sometimes, but if you know me you know I do not mean to hurt anyone.
Responding to this blog as you requested---as if it were written to me. Here it goes!
Dear No_the_game,
I’m sorry if I hurt you. The words that came out of my mouth were ones to protect me. They were out of self-defense. You see, when I said you were playing dating games, I was merely trying to protect myself and see if you were really playing with my heart. How can such a beautiful person like yourself, be in love with me? See, I have low self-esteem too, and that was my way of handling it at that time. I apologize for my hurtful words that tore your heart apart. My insecurities were flying high, and ended up crashing down on you.
Will you please forgive me?
Love,
Deb
Hey No The game,
What a heartbreaking letter that is. Many of us here can emphasize with you...
It sounds like you went through an unhappy and somewhat abusive time. I think part of the healing process is to "verbalize" your thoughts and pain as many of us do via blogging or journaling. On the other hand, I have found it virtually useless to discuss the feelings of confusion and pain with the contributor of said feelings.
I don't have a reply to your letter either, but I do have a big hug to give you.
Take care... :)
Oh wow...in the words of Roberta Flack, your letter was strumming my pain with your fingers..singing my life with your words. Kililng me softly with your song, killing me softly.
You definitely don't want to lose yourself in a relationship. I can see myself being in the same boat since I tend to be a people pleaser as well.
I don't pretend to know the answers but definitely feel free to contact me whenever you want to hang out...we should go for drinks..:-)
It's time for you to heal you and you only. I know it's easier said than done, but you must think about yourself before anything else. Don't feel guilty of being selfish or self-centered, it's time for you to start feeling better. Everyone else is quite capable of taking care of themselves, it's your time now. :)
Sorry for "preaching", but I'm following a similar path right now and I find the only way to survive is to start caring for myself a bit more...
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