HAVE A LITTLE FAITH
Recently, I attended a bachelor party held for a guy I knew from years ago. The event was supposed to be extravagant. The host flew in from overseas to organize it here in Chicago. Personally, I wasn’t particularly excited. This guy wasn’t a real friend of mine, and I’m not a fan of the host, in the least. In fact, I predicted the host would come here in a thinly veiled and vulgar attempt at self-aggrandizement; it was a plain and predictable consequence of his financially successful year overseas. He did not disappoint.
While the bachelor party was terrible, it was great to see my best friend. He came in town because the future groom is a former close friend (or rather jealous friend) of his who fortunately has drifted from him in recent years. He stayed with me, and as individuals, we actually had a great time. Then again, no matter where we are on the planet, we're gonna have a good time.
The party itself was a different story. The host was an ass all night long. I must admit, I do feel a bit sorry for the future groom. That was THE worst send-off a guy could have. But hey, when you rely on a Little Big Man to organize your bachelor party, mostly in his own honor, that’s what you get.
No wonder I skipped all the events for Friday and Sunday, and most of Saturday’s.
How does this pertain to men and women’s misunderstandings of each other?
Well… in my experience, women are not all that fond of The Stag Party. At least the women I know. That might be with good reason, but based on my experience at these things, the future groom usually doesn’t cross that line from raunchy fun to actually doing something he should regret. And if he has TRUE friends, they keep an eye on him.
But then again, it’s still kind of hard for some women to handle. I guess the same can be said for men. I’m not all too enthusiastic about the prospect of an erect penis gyrating in my lady’s face… or worse.
Yup, I can do without that.
But come on, these things are suppose to be “Send-Offs”. The truth is there’s nothing that happens at a bachelor party that can’t happen on a business trip, a day off work or a night out with some mischievous buddies. We have to have faith in our partners. Otherwise, the relationship is doomed anyway.
For instance, my best friend has a wonderful wife. She is definitely a sweetheart. But she spent far too much time worrying over nothing when it came to him attending a bachelor party. She was greatly concerned he would do two things she deems outrageous:
1) Sex/A sexual act with another woman.
2) Smoking cigarettes (yeah, she puts smoking almost on the same level).
Neither of these things happened. She worried and worried over absolutely nothing. I’ll bet she didn’t sleep a wink that night. I hate to think that she troubled herself over nothing. It's bad for her piece of mind, and it's bad for his.
I though it was a bit excessive, so I talked to a woman who knows me well. She agreed with me that the concerns of my friend's wife were unfounded... at first. Then, she abruptly began interrogating me about the party. She tried to be nice about it, but her curiosity was too much. I laughed a bit, because I realized she had the same concerns. She was actually concerned about what we were doing at the party. I was a bit surprised.
I suppose my question is this: Ladies, how much do you REALLY worry about bachelor parties? And if you have concerns, why are you fooling with a guy like that in the first place?
Perhaps it’s fear of the unknown, but generally, a bachelor party is only a reflection of the guys there. If your man is shady, then he’ll most likely be shady during the party, after the party, and after you break up too. If your man isn’t, then the chances are heavily in his favor that he won't become a shady dude. But hey, nothing is guaranteed, and I can’t speak for what ALL men do.
But now that I think about it… I’ve never been to a bachelorette party. What’s goes on at those things??? Maybe I should find out.
Time to break out the trench-coat and funny glasses.
Peace and Love,
nosthegametoo
10 comments:
Faith...is for the weak.
I'm just kidding about that. I don't know if faith is for the weak or not, I don't have any. I haven't the concept of it.
However...concerning the actual post. I've never been to a bachelor's party. I've never been to a strip club either. Don't ask why, I just never have been in the situation to go.
I think what happens as bachelorette parties and at bachelor parties is pretty much the same. Bunch of friends get together, there may or may not be drinking involved as that depends on the people present and there may or may not be strippers involved.
I relaly doubt much harm goes on for the "to be married" individual. Now for the friends present..well that might be a whole different issue lol.
I truly believe that it's insecurity issues that women face, when they get extremely jealous---over "nothing"... But you're right, if the man is not to be trusted, then why are they with them in the first place?
Bachelorette parties ARE BORING!!!!!!!!!! The ones I attended were nothing but a bunch of girls chit-chattin' about the good ol' days. Some had a cheesy stripper who needed to do a few more crunches, and some were filled with nasty drag queens from Lucky Chang's in NYC.
Your parties are far more better than ours---trust me! But to the point: A LOT of women are insecure. And...A LOT of men are insecure too. It's normal. But when it comes in between the relationship, I feel it's important to evaluate why this is happening.
Trust is a huge thing...without it, the relationship is dead.
In a lot of ways I'm one of the most insecure people I know. However, for some reason, I hardly ever get jealous or worry about stuff like this. Both infidelity and the sexual exploitation of women are self-degrading and insulting. I have a hard time imagining that someone I chose would go beyond a few flirtatious gestures. Likewise, as adults in adult relationships, we better have enough self control to know the difference between right and wrong. It isn't whether you get caught or not, or whether your friends approve or disapprove. If a guy doesn't have enough integrity to handle himself without me watching him, he must need a Mommy more than a partner.
This is another thoughtful post. I'd be interested to hear more about your thoughts about how relationships are effected by issues related to trust and control.
I have been to quite a few bachelorette parties, and I would have to agree with ~Deb. The best bachelorette party I went to ended in dancing, and we "bumped into" the bachelor party. But from what I understand, this is bad luck and we should have been immediately thrust into hell. But we were nowhere near Chicago O'Hair.
Hmmm, do I smell a "He's The Lady" plot sequel..:-)
I'm curious about those bachelorette parties too...in a different way..*LOL*.
But seriously, I do agree with your assessment. It comes down to the type of guy a woman's with. If he's generally trustworthy, then he'll likely not do anything crazy at the party.
These parties just have a bad reputation for excessive drinking and sexing. I think if you are going to marry the person you have to have faith and trust that he won't allow things to get out of hand.
I hate to say it, but I am extremely jealous, and usually for no good reason. I think women who are insanely and irrationally jealous are born that way. I have no reason to be, none, and yet when he's with other women (and believe me, he's wonderful) I can't stand it. What's wrong with me? I'd be a good case study...~Jodi
I never use to be worried about bachelor parties until my boyfriend at the time went to one. They were out of town and boyfriend called me from a closet. He was hiding because all the dudes were hooking up with strippers. Now, my dude has a phobia about germs and shit so I knew he wouldn't touch someone he didn't know unless she'd been to the doctor like a dozen times, but while we were on the phone I could hear a bed creaking and moaning. I asked him what was going on and he told me that the groom was apparently in the other room banging the shit outta some hooker. Ew. I had to go to that wedding. You don't even know how tempted I was to get up and blow up the spot when the minister asked if anyone objects to this marriage.
I think you need to know your man and trust him, but I am firm believer now in no overnight bachelor parties.
The fear is simple. At every business meeting etc. the primary thought is not " this is my last chance for the rest of my life to be with someone else." And the whole entire night is set up to revolve around that fact. It doesn't require a rocket scientist to understand why that might be threatening to a woman/man. However, I do think it's really silly to make a huge issue of it. Talk about it with your significant other and then let it go. You are getting ready to marry this person...which means for the rest of your life you will be accepting the fact that you have no control over another human being. The Bachelor party is a good place to start learning that. :-)
enjoyed reading your words.
i like what deb said about insecurity. it can be a real mutha to overcome. trust is the thing. trusting ourselves that we chose and continue to choose a partner each day that we can love and live with ... from this place of trust comes our trust in the person. we also have to pay attention to our intuition and know when the truth is speaking to us ... trusting self is where it all begins. worrying can take so much of our energy. fear can destroy the love. i know that it can be challenging for partners not to worry about their mates because i have done that bit of worrying too. and the fear thing about our partners leaving us can be detrimental too. i have done that too. again, knowing ourselves and trusting ourselves is where it all begins... always knowing that the choices we make are growth opportunities from Spirit helps too ... and the fact that Spirit is gonna have our back no matter what happens has been reasuring for me and allowed me to center myself and trust me again so that i can be open and trusting of others without all of the fear. okay i have said enuf. again thanks for sharing. and i loved everyone's comments. paz, ananda
Post a Comment