I am outgrowing myself. Maybe I am damned by Satan. I do not think GOD really wants me to know all the truth. Because he knows the more I reveal the truth about people behavior harder it gets for me to accept unreasonableness. And I know GOD does not want me to be in pain. The more I reveal the truth about humans, the more it hurries me to get rid off human like behaviors such a caring about others or giving priority to the other people. Realization of truth makes me self centered, selfish, and monster like. I am almost left with no options but get rid off human like behaviors because people love taking advantage of those feelings.
When I was younger I used to cry and ask GOD "Please God make me dumper so I can be like my peers." Talk about guys, gossip about others, and memorize all the songs that is played on the local radio. That point of my life I really wanted fit in. The more I tried to fit in the more I was pushed out.
I was not particularly excited with that life but wanted to be accepted. I was into something else. I wanted more out of my life. I wanted to get the best education with full scholarship. I wanted to see the land of free- AMERICA. I wanted it so bad that I would spend all my days at the local library to learn English.
All that took me a minute to achieve. The minute that lasted 4-5 years but here I am in the States and asking God the same question. This time I have added some other favors too. Not because I became greedier... unfortunately I understand more now.
- I found out most love poems, I used to hear, are as sweet as a great sex with somebody who yet to call.
- I found out the person you took in your life so wildly (why would anybody let a stranger to their life anyways) will be gone with same level of wildness.
- I found out piece of your heart can be thrown to a trash can as easily as you give it away.
- I found out a passion for life can easily be gone as your last breathe.
- I found out you cannot fallow your passion for life because there is other things you need to take care.
- I found out your life is as valuable as your bank account to some people.
- I found out you cannot play Hide & Seek at your romantic department because it leaves a scar in your heart that takes years to heal.
Now I am asking GOD - To give me what he thinks appropriate in my life not what I want out of life. He knows I will accept his decisions.
- Please GOD never leave me alone (You are the only one I truly trust and believe).
- To give me strength to disregard unpleasant memories.
- To give me strength to forgive people who tried to hurt me (professional or personal life).
- To put all that discipline in my life I used to have.
- To give me the wisdom I dreamt of.
- To give me strength that I can balance my life.
- To give me heart and mind so I can close my eye to injustice I see daily base.
- To show me light.
- GOD please do not let me to rip last piece of humanity in my soul.
Now I am wondering when I will look back several years from now what else I will ask GOD.
What do you ask GOD ?
