Note: The following post pertains to patterns of behavior over extended periods of time, not simply instances of indescretion here and there.

ARE WE WHO WE THINK WE ARE?

Seems like everyone’s favorite mantra seems to be: “I am what I am”. Even Allen Iverson got into the mix with a shoe campaign using the same slogan. But my question is this: If we are so quick to accept that we are what we are, how are we so sure that we KNOW what we are?

How does this pertain to men and women’s misunderstandings of one another?

Well… seems like everyone wants respect without judgment. It’s always, “don’t judge me”, but “please judge me a good person”. To me, it doesn’t seem like that’s all too possible. Especially when you consider that the people around you have to JUDGE you as respectable for you to be respectable. Honesty, respectability, truthworthiness... these are not attributes we give to ourselves, they are things that others attribute to us through their JUDGMENTS. Or maybe we believe that people should only JUDGE us positively, never anything unflattering, even if it’s true.

To me, the rationalizations that people come up with are sometimes amazing. Sometimes, we even come up with our own redefinitions of words and phrases that are quite clear.

I was once told by an older and wiser man that people have to convince themselves that their lies are true in order to do some of the more reprehensible things they do. From infidelity to unreliability, doesn’t your partner always have an excuse?

DON'T WE ALL USE THESE EXCUSES???

It takes a cold hard look at yourself to go through the pain of making yourself more transparent. But first, we have to go through the pain of letting go of the lies we tell ourselves.

Do you lie, but don’t consider yourself a liar?

Do you deceive, but don’t consider yourself deceptive?

Do you cheat, but don’t consider yourself to be a cheater?

Do you whine, but don’t consider yourself a whiner?

Do you argue, but don’t consider yourself argumentative?

Some people say that “perception is reality”. I doubt it. Reality is reality. Sometimes, it doesn’t matter what you “consider” reality to be. Cheating, deception, lies… if these are part of your dealings with others, then hate to break it to you, but you’re a cheater, a liar and a deceiver. And last time I checked, these weren’t good qualities in a mate.

The choice is clear and obvious: Choose truth or lies in your relationship. And yeah, it’s just that simple if you make it that way. Generally, you can work out almost every problem under the sun with your mate. But once you think of them as unworthy of trust, that’s when the REAL problems begin.

Peace and Love,

nosthegametoo